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Abel Folgar writes on www.browradpalmbeach.com – Slightly flabbergasted by the menacing visuals, I made my way through some of the booths, keeping casual contact with Expo-goers to a minimum by maintaining my hands inside my jacket pockets at all times. And then a Q&A panel came aboard on the main stage featuring our pal Gianna Michaels and Evan Stone dressed as an officer of the piece. The strip-dancing version, I guess. All the faith I had conscripted to the diligent BSO deputies upon entry was beginning to wane.
The Q&A was interesting, nine actors and actresses shared a microphone and answered questions from the crowd and everything was moving along at a rather brisk pace, until some genius decided to ask something along the lines of “craziest” or “weirdest” experience.
Gianna reiterated what she had told us about her clumsiness on heels and then the microphone landed in the hands of Bonnie Rotten. Well, if I had managed to course the expo until then without having a serious attack of the “germies,” that was going to come to a violent and sudden end.
The scenario she relayed to us involved strawberries and whipped cream crammed into her ass, getting some anal action and then shitting the enterprise unto someone else. While I understand that there is a fetish for everyone, this one is not it for me.
And then the other shoe dropped.
Apparently, homegirl had some strawberry particles up her bum for approximately three days. “Hey hon, did you spray a new Febreze scent in the bathroom? It smells like summer in here!,” she recounted.
When my bro commented that I was turning blue, I knew then that it was time to go, but not before Sean Michaels mentioned the dreaded “rim job” and Evan Stone closed it with the “double vag, double anal” all while gesturing and scowling his maniacal and all-knowing expression letting the attendees reflect on the consequences of double-dick matchups in close quarters.
I clearly have an unreasonable expectation of germs and people. Porn-lovers are not squalid orcs who mine away in dungeons covered in their own excretions. I should’ve not allowed such a ridiculous a thought the time of day in my brain. For that, I apologize. On that same token, the industry does take safety and precautionary methods to ensure the well-being of its stars. Clearly, regardless of what bukkake mess I’ve stumbled upon in the past, they too are not continuously covered in jizz. As far as to how the bathrooms fared after Expo-goers converged on the Convention Center, I’ll never be able to report.
My strategy of not consuming liquids paid off and potential dehydration was staved off by the numerous, luscious visuals that maintained a controlled and tactful amount of salivation going. Next year, I’ll leave the jacket at home, shake some hands and make some new friends! However, it will be a while before I enjoy myself a nice and cold strawberry shake.