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Audrey Rose writes on www.audreyrosexxx.com – This post should have come a while back ago but I procrastinated for various reasons. The recent hysteria surrounding syphilis within our community has presented me with another opportunity to talk about honesty when it comes to sexually transmitted infections. The even more recent hysteria surrounding molluscum (haven’t heard? Watch twitter a few days and you will) has added to my motivation.
I’ve noticed that a lot of people want to keep their testing status to themselves. That is all well and good when you’re not fucking multiple people consistently (for work and/or pleasure). This secrecy spreads STI’s.
Back in April I tested positive for gonorrhea. I found out about this positive test on my way to shoot for Kink.com at the armory. Yes I was in the car, on my way. (Obviously my shoot was cancelled.) I was shocked! All my recent partners had been tested performers (some I fucked professionally, some I fucked for fun). Being the organized slut I am, I actually had all my recent partners scheduled on my private google calendar. I didn’t miss anyone. Every one I had had sex with since my prior clear test was accounted for, and tested themselves.
How then could I have gotten gonorrhea? I think the culprit here is shame. Someone I fucked hid their positive status and/or their exposure to gonorrhea. I believe this is due to the stigma that is still associated with having a sexually transmitted infection. Yes calling prior and present partner can be scary and overwhelming! Yes it’s no fun at all! Yes making these calls and being candid with my positive gonorrhea test result fucking sucked but there was no way I could, in good conscience, not inform anyone I may have put at risk in my ignorance (that is, prior to having tested positive I might have put other partners at risk without knowing it).
Now I find myself going through a similar experience. On August 22 I was diagnosed with a skin condition called molluscum contagiosum. These small dome-shaped bumps are nothing more than an aesthetic nuisance. They don’t itch, they don’t hurt, and unlike HPV, they don’t cause cancer. Sadly though, they do cause a panic. Now, before the rumor-mill begins churning I need to nip this in the butt, immediately, before I’m publicly tarred and feathered.
I have shot twice since my diagnosis and both times I have been completely honest with all parties involved. The first was an Ultimate Surrender match. Before the match I made it clear to my opponent that she didn’t have to wrestle me. I let her know about the condition. The referee knew. She (my opponent) knew (and consented). Everyone still agreed to move forward. The second was a live hogtied shoot on Saturday that involved no skin-to-skin physical contact. Even though there was going to be no contact, I still let everyone involved know.
It seems that this has caused quite a panic at the kinky castle. The green room has been quarantined off, as have other areas I’ve been in. Kink Live cam shows are down as well and I can only assume it is for the same reason.
This is an overreaction. I did nothing different while recovering from Molluscum than when I recovered from gonorrhea.
During my time recovering from gonorrhea, I shot for Ultimate Surrender (direct physical contact) and Kink Live (like in HogTied, no physical contact) before I had a clear test. How is this possible you ask? I was definitely pleasantly surprised when I was allowed to continue working. I actually did ask to have my match rescheduled and I was reassured it was okay. Below I’ve pasted the contents of an email conversation I had with the names of those involved (besides me, duh) removed.
On May 3, 2012, at 5:27 PM, [Kink employee name omitted due to privacy] wrote:
We are still gonna do the shoot there will just not be any fluid exchange.
Can you get re-tested this coming Monday at ———– for future shoots in May?
Sent from my iPhone
On May 3, 2012, at 5:22 PM, “Audrey Rose” wrote:
I still need to get retested since I just got treated Monday for gonorrhea
Can this be rescheduled?
Sent from my iPod
On May 3, 2012, at 4:13 PM, [Kink employee name omitted due to privacy] wrote:
Kink shoot itinerary for Audrey Rose 5/8 Hey Audrey,
Here is your itinerary for next week. Please email me if you have any questions.
[Kink employee name omitted due to privacy]
The day of the match, the first thing I did was inform Yasmin about my positive gonorrhea test and asked her if she wanted to shoot with me. She agreed! At one point in the match she slipped her fingers in my pussy and I protested with, “Wait, I thought there would be no fluid exchange.” I didn’t know if the treatment had worked. I didn’t know if there were gonorrhea juices all over her fingers from my cunt! Of course I protested!! No one even batted an eye and we kept going. I had the same reaction with Kink Live. I was told I could continue to cam, even with my positive gonorrhea test. Everyone was just glad I was honest about the gonorrhea so they could take extra precautions when cleaning up my cam rooms and any shared sex toys I came into contact with.
I don’t understand how now, this molluscum, is causing such an uproar. I did everything the same. I informed the referee before the match. I informed and received consent from the other model before the match. Before HogTied, I informed the director (and was thanked for my honesty) and insisted on gloves used to handle me. It wasn’t until I found out that my opponent is convinced she is showing signs of molluscum that I decided to just cancel any shoot that involved skin-to-skin contact. I decided then that I don’t want to be the person on set that forces others to decide against their health or a paycheck.
Looking back should I have canceled my molluscum match? Yes! Should I have cancelled my gonorrhea match? Well, yes I probably should have. I didn’t cancel either because I was confident that I was not doing anything ethically wrong. Each time I was honest and open with any information surrounding my diagnosis.
Now, do I believe I should have cancelled my HogTied shoot? No. Not in the slightest. There is no way that anyone could catch molluscum from me in a sterile shoot like Hog Tied. That is the same reason I stick by decision to continue to cam for Kink Live back when I was treated for gonorrhea.
Furthermore, I can’t imagine molluscum can spread THAT easily. If it did, why doesn’t every non-condom performer have it at this point (I mean, I didn’t get it from sitting alone in my room rubbing my own junk)? Why hasn’t my newest sexual partner (with whom I had sex with when I was contagious but unaware) contracted it?
What is my point you ask? Well, I feel that my honesty has caused me to become the newest porn pariah. Could I have just wrestled last week and NOT told anyone? Yes. Could I have insisted I had a bad case of razor burn? Ingrown hairs? Yes. Would that have been ethical? No. Would I have created a panic? No. Would my name be associated with such a huge panic at the armory? No.
The question now that arises inside of me is why was I honest about this? I could have gone on working and lying and hoping no one could notice (and I doubt anyone would have). I tweeted earlier, “My conscience is a luxury item.” It certainly is! I was honest about my molluscum because it did not sit well with my conscience to hide it and continue working (I even cancelled my upcoming LA trip). That would have been wrong and unethical. Now my honesty is costing me work, my reputation, and likely my modeling career.
If we are ever to move beyond this shame surrounding STI’s, it’s time to stop ostracizing those that come out openly and share their positive testing status. Otherwise we are just going to continue to get these “surprises” on our test results. We will continue to have people out there who are not willing to share their testing status if they don’t have to (we all know that the only tests disclosed for performers are gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV, and now syphilis).
I hope that I will still be able to perform in any scenes that don’t involve anyone rubbing or penetrating my junk with anything other than inanimate objects. I really hope I will be able to go back to performing normally after I’m over my molluscum. Will that likely happen? Only time will tell.