Creative Loafing Interviews Mia Lelani; She’s Afraid of Swings and Insects

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from www.cltampa.com – Mia Lelani is ready to party. When we met at the AEE Expo in Las Vegas, she was destroying a chicken sandwich and fries. Her explanation: She needed some greasy food to absorb all the alcohol she planned on drinking that night. It was her first time attending the AVN Awards. Each night she was recharging with alcohol and partying after spending all day standing in high heels, meeting fans.

At the mention of her feet, a mildly creepy stranger lingering nearby in the press room offered to give her a foot massage. With a shrug, Lelani kicked off her heels and extended her feet to him while I, another mildly creepy stranger, built up the nerve to ask about her sex life.

“Ask me anything,” said Lelani as I turned on my voice recorder. “I promise I won’t be offended.”

This sounded like a challenge.

Q: Where do you go in Vegas to get the best “rub and tug”?

I did go to one, but I don’t know the name of it. The lady totally felt me up. She was scrubbing and rubbing me. It got weird. She was like, ‘You are so young. Your boobs are so nice.’ It was a sugar scrub and you are supposed to scrub the whole body and my boobs were just out.

Q: Wait, she did a frontal massage?

Oh yeah. She didn’t touch anything below the waist but she was massaging my boobs and working the sugar in, or whatever it was.

Q: Did you have to pay her extra for exfoliating your tits?

I always tip well. It’s my way of giving a happy ending.

Q: Do you ever get tired of being cast in Asian porn, or working with other Asian women?

I don’t mind. I would just like to be cast in other things, but I do love the Asian thing.

Q: Do directors ever want you to do a bad Asian accent?

The funniest one was for Hustler. They had me karaoke, but they didn’t want me karaoke-ing in English. Well I don’t speak another language, other than a bit of Spanish. So I was like, “Ning nam whommmmm.” Now everyone at Hustler knows me from that scene. The director was like, “They told me that was too racist and I can’t do that anymore.” At the end, the pop shot was upside down, so I used his cock as a microphone and sang more karaoke into it with cum all over my face.

Q: Do you go to the porn star karaoke in LA?

No, I don’t karaoke in real life because I feel like it makes me super Asian. And I don’t sing. I go up there and support my girls, but I don’t sing.

Q: What other things don’t you do?

I don’t go on swings. They freak me out. I just feel like the chain will break and I’ll go flying. I have a fear of insects. If I see one bug, I’m okay. But if I see a few, I start crying and freak out and run. I have a total break down. I don’t know if it’s because I had a centipede on me when I was younger or what, but bugs just gross me out and I breakdown and cry no matter where I am. It’s not good.

Q: You just started scuba diving right? Are you scared of insect-like sea creatures?

I am scared of being on top of the water. When you’re just floating up there I get really freaked out. I am just really scared of a shark coming up and taking me down like a seal. Underneath the water, you are more in control. You can swim to the sea floor and see all around you. On top you just don’t know. I watch too much Shark Week. They are always dragging that fake seal behind the boat and then here comes a great white flying out of the water.

Q: Why do so many porn stars like Hello Kitty?

I don’t think it’s a porn star thing. For me, it’s an Asian thing. I loved it growing up, so it’s nostalgic. It’s funny because I’ve been told that no one in Japan likes Hello Kitty. It’s just so old.

Q: You’re in a new movie called Asian Anal Assassins. Please tell me your character kills dudes with your asshole.

That one was really cool because they mixed live action with anime. When we fought with swords, we would transform into anime characters. We kill every guy that we have sex with, but we kill them after sex with our weapons. Then, at the end, all the Asian girls are left and we have a big old orgy, in the butt.

Q: So the scene you are nominated for an AVN this year, “Best All Girl Group Sex Scene,” was an all Asian, anal, lesbian orgy?

Yeah it was all Asian. It was Kaylani Lei, Asa Akira, Katsuni, Miko Lee, and myself.

Q: You squirted before porn. Did you realize what was going on the first time it happened?

I was probably 19 or 20. My boyfriend at the time was trying to get it in my butt, but it was just the pressure. It didn’t ever get in, but he was pushing, pushing, and the next thing I knew, I squirted. I didn’t know girls could squirt. I knew how to fuck, but I didn’t know the details behind it. He was like, “Did you pee.” Years later when I squirted again, the guy told me what it was.

Q: So you had a squirting orgasm just from him trying to penetrate your butt?

Yeah. It didn’t even get in. It was just me being a bit nervous, the sensation, being turned on—that trifecta. I can still vividly see the floor in the bathroom of the house we were doing it in. I was like, “I swear I didn’t pee.”

Q: Can you control it now?

Some men have nicknamed me “puddles,” but I can’t control it. I can get closer to it now. I got this g-spot finder. The more I practice with that, the more I am able to control my squirting. I’m learning. It’s a great skill to have in porn.

Q: Why are you a Chemistry major?

First I was a math major. I’m really good at math. I like having the formula. I like having a definite answer. The problem is that math alone is kind of boring. Then I took a chemistry class that combined math with experiments. Either field is always going to have a job.

Q: What job can you get with a bachelor’s in chemistry?

Everything is chemistry. Everything from food to sticky notes, those have to be tested in a lab before they hit the market. I think I would like to do more medical chemistry, but I don’t know. This semester I’m taking a marine biology class in Baja California and I will be going to Catalina Island to the sea kelp forest. I’m going to see if I like marine biology or chemistry more.

Q: It seems like you have a plan for what you want to do after porn.

Oh yeah. I’m leaving at the end of this month to go to Cozumel for two months for a dive master internship. I’m going to intern at a dive shop. By the end of the two months, I’ll be a dive master. So I have a few short term goals I am working toward.

Q: Will you allow tourists to pay extra to get you to scuba naked with them?

Topless, yeah. I don’t want—

Q: You don’t want fish swimming up in your business?

Well, I just don’t want anything on the loose down there.

Q: What is the strangest place you’ve scuba dived?

The Long Beach Aquarium. It is such a confined space and there are all these sharks and stingrays, but they are all really friendly. I was actually on my belly on the floor taking pictures of a shark when this enormous fish came up on me. They warned me that he likes the bubbles from the scuba gear. I turned around and he was just hovering over me. I could have stuck my whole arm in his mouth.

Q: Why are you such a huge Giants fan?

It started the year they won the Superbowl. Earlier that season they lost five games in a row. My ex-boyfriend hated the Giants. I really like Eli. He’s the ultimate underdog. Every time people count him out, he always comes back—well except this year. I just really liked that they were down and out, and then they just kept winning. I grew up a 49ers fans, so as long as the Giants aren’t playing the 49ers, I’ll root for the 49ers, but when they play each other, I have to go with the Giants.

Q: What else do you want to do in porn?

I would like to grace the cover of one of the top magazines, like Penthouse or Hustler. I’m going to start doing IR (interracial). My first scene will be an IR DP (double penetration). We’re just going to go for the big thing and do it.

Q: Or the two big things.

Right. The two big things to stuff my holes.

Q: What is the strangest thing that has been up your butt?

I’ve only done penises. I’ve seen some porn where they do golf balls or they shoot out ping pong balls. I haven’t done the milk thing either. No, just penises so far.

Q: Do you have a pay website yet?

My website is coming out soon. There are a few websites pretending to be my homepage that sell my clips. I’m going through the legal process to get MiaLelani.com. The one site I did buy was MiaLovesCock.com, but they told me that wasn’t such a good name for a website.

Q: Why? That sounds like a great name for your website.

Something about it not being ranked as high by search engines.

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