Cripple Dan Reviews 50 Guy Creampie #9

I had seen 50-Guy Creampie #8 with Amber Rayne a few years ago and it was what it was, but it did have an amount of flashiness weaved into it so I was expecting something much more impressive considering 50-Guy Creampie #9 with Jennifer White was one of the most talked about films of the year.

A long time ago Chuck D. and Flavor Flav of Public Enemy gave us some valuable information that I neglected to use when having high expectations towards this film:

“Don’t believe the hype…”

The film had no introduction.  No dancing around, no teasing, and no awesome opening credits.  It just goes straight into fucking.  To make matters worse there is a guy in a dress playing guitar with other guys with guitars playing behind the fucking with no sound. 

They are pretending to play.  They are a band that calls themselves the Sultans of Pain and they have a music video on the superfluous second disc included in 50-Guy Creampie #9 which I will get to.

The audio throughout this entire movie is deplorable. There are fans or an air conditioning unit blowing full blast throughout the entire feature and it is quite noticeable.   Jim Powers directs loudly throughout the entire film from behind the camera and at times it seems as though he is yelling at the talent. Some people may be into that so that could be there to appease those select consumers. 

Ron Jeremy steps in front of the action a lot during the first part of the film giving idiotic commentary using a mic with bad audio and he’s doing a lot of hard “p’s”. He literally steps in front of our view of the sex.  That starts to get annoying similar to the constant shots of sex blocked by male performers waiting to get in stroking their penises.  Ron starts to interview Jennifer during sex and she looks annoyed as I’m sure most of those viewing it would be.    

The camera work is well done and the cameras appear to be of great quality.  I could clearly see raised areas on the genitalia of some of those performing that appear to be warts, but they could just be sebaceous cysts. I’m sure since they were visible to me that someone else noticed them and checked them to make sure they were safe to perform. 

The director did a good job at keeping the faces of the male talent out of the shots and just focusing on Jennifer.  This film is basically a bunch of guys fucking Jennifer White.  There is a lot going on, but in the end there really isn’t much.  It is just guys fucking Jennifer White.

The first veteran that I noticed was Wolf Hudson who sidewinds Jennifer, but doesn’t ejaculate.  Jennifer is looking hot as hell, but she has an unimpressed expression plastered on her face throughout the majority of the film.  Scott Lyons steps up and goes to work as we see the Sultans of Pain wrapping cables and disassembling equipment during the shoot.  This happens
for a while.  They are having women that are with the band helping them out and they are being quite loud.  They were moving slowly so I can assume they didn’t have anywhere important to be so I don’t understand why this couldn’t wait until after the movie was done shooting.
 
The band girls didn’t take any creampies.

Tommy Pistol steps up to the plate for fellatio while Scott Lyons bangs away.  These two show up again later and appear to work as a duo. Scott ejaculates and we are treated with a closeup shot of his semen in Jennifer’s vagina.  At this point in the film Ron Jeremy has vanished which means the film has a much better flow to it now that the sex isn’t being interrupted with Ron’s witty banter.  Tommy is still being blown and Wolf Hudson gives it another try when Jim Powers comments about the loud noise from the fans and asks the crew to turn them down. I would think that one should take note of that prior to shooting instead of doing so about thirty minutes into the film.   A lot of the guys appear to be uncomfortable and there hasn’t been a single shot of homeless #40 yet. 

At almost 40 minutes into the film I do not really want to watch this anymore and feel as though there are more productive things I could be doing.  The majority of the erect male performers diminish and guys are sticking softies into Jennifer.  Ron’s driver gets fellated and makes extremely creepy noises when he ejaculates.  If anyone was in the mood and feeling amorous
I’m sure that would have ruined it for them. 

#25 looks like a computer IT guy trying to get laid.  He looks like a creepy nerdy guy.  He’s not quite the Scott Finney-looking type, but pushing it.  When #25 gets his chance he doesn’t appear to be pleased about the circumstances and that is shown from his facial expressions while bopping Mrs. White.   

Scott Lyons shows up again to do another round and I’m assuming it is because guys ejaculating while their wangs are still flaccid doesn’t equal out to quality adult entertainment.  The film is starting to get gross at this stage and I’m starting to feel bad for Jennifer.  Jennifer blows Scott Lyons while Tommy Pistol rails her in a cowgirl fashion.  It does provide a good shot, but that is quickly ruined by still photos being taken from a loud camera.  If one looks in the settings on the camera they will discover that those noises can be turned off.  Things like this make the entire film feel like it is nothing more than behind the scenes footage instead of an actual adult feature.   Jennifer looks disgusted, asks for a break, and it cuts. 

At fifty three minutes in #40 still hasn’t found a home in this film.

Ron Jeremy interviews Jennifer while she puts ice on her hoo hoo.  Ron’s dialogue has improved greatly and says some funny shit, but he is dressed like he just rolled out of bed.  If you are going to advertise Ron MC’ing your porno then rent a damn tux. 
That would have made it funnier along with increasing the production values for the consumers purchasing the film. 

After the interview Jennifer sucks off #50 who has a big gut while she fucks #31.  The only redeeming value of this shot are Jennifer’s breasts, but with so much unattractiveness jammed into one shot the nice breasts are overshadowed. #50 goes in for the kill and presents us with a lackluster performance as he appears to be having trouble. 

He is quickly replaced with another number and then the scene cuts and we see a load flowing out of Jennifer that may or may not be his.  Then the scene cuts to a guy jerking off and ejaculating above her and then he sticks his phallus in her mouth.  It is like no one is trying anymore because at an hour and ten minutes into this movie guys are jerking off limp members and sliding them in as they shoot the works. The director does get some good shots of ejaculate seeping out of Jennifer, but he’s verbally directing so it ruins the shot.

Finally, we are informed that Jennifer has taken her 50th load and we finally see #40 standing behind Jennifer, but the fucker is wearing a shirt with #37 on it.  So, in the end #40 was not #40 and I don’t think we got to see him blown on camera.  We just see him standing there with a dazed look on his face with his wang out. 

I feel ripped off.  I was expecting a lot of fanfare with something like a dumpster being wheeled into the studio and #40 jump out and goes to town on Jennifer White while everyone cheers.  I’ve learned not to expect great things from adult films these days, but one can still dream and hope that things can change back to the way they used to be.

I was hoping that the second disc would give this movie some redeeming value, but I was let down once again and I’m sure this content could have fit on the first disc. It just has Ron Jeremy interviewing the veteran talent and the Sultans of Pain.  It also has a Sultans of Pain music video which doesn’t really qualify as a music video and more like video of them performing and shot in the same fashion as the porn movie.  In fact, it looks like those making it worked harder on the music video than the actual porn movie.  The song is horrible and I’m not getting why they didn’t just get the Mentors to play. It has some other drivel in it as well like a photo gallery.

50-Guy Creampie #9 did not need to be made.  This film appears as though it was nothing more than an event where a bunch of guys got to splooge into a pornstar while a band made a video and someone decided to film it and release it as a porno.  It was like no one even tried to make this a good movie.  I can’t believe a performer would feel as though working in this movie was worth it given the dangers involved.  I’m sure if any of them were to see the finished product they would agree that it wasn’t worth it.   

Cripple
Dan

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