Cripple Dan Update from 2014 AVN Vegas Day Three

The update from Cripple Dan today is pretty good. It’s actually kinda funny.

This is Day 3 from Cripple Dan. It’s a rather comprehensive update.

Are you listening? Here we go.

“Attendance is much greater than yesterday and the expo seems to be in full swing now.” 

“I don’t know how to break this to you.  You may want to sit down for this.  Over the past few days I’m starting to get the notion that some people may not like you very much.”

Really Cripple Dan? Ya fuckin goofball…

“Someone said “So, I noticed you were writing for the asshole” and I had no idea who he was referring to because the only person I’m writing for is you.  Later on I heard someone calling my name and I turned around to see Mark Spiegler running up to me.  He was very kind and introduced himself and asked if I wrote for you.  I’m not sure why, but he seemed nice.  Before I left the expo for the day I rolled my feeble being over to the Wicked booth and Brad Armstrong gave me a free autographed DVD of Underworld signed by Asa Akira.  He handed it to me, smiled in a sly way, and said “Here ya go Cripple Dan”.  I thought that was really cool of him.  It looks like a rockin’ film too.  I might review it.”

There’s the first paragraph of the Cripple Dan update. What have we learned from this?

All of the haters out there who say that Rob Black is a non-factor, I think a coupla people know who I am.

“I would have to say that Wicked is the most professional gig out there now.  Their talent always presents themselves in the best manner possible.  Even though their booth was greatly downsized this year I found it much easier to navigate on wheels than previous years.  With condoms killing porn I don’t understand how they can pull through and still make movies that resemble Hollywood films.  Digital Playground has been greatly stripped down and they aren’t using condoms so I am confused.  Their booth isn’t flashy at all this year, but the Wicked booth is.  I call “shenanigans” because I’m told over and over that condoms won’t sell so Wicked has to be up to no good.  How can the biggest company there be condom-only if condom porn won’t sell?  It has to be a front for something.  I refuse to believe that condom-only porn can sell regardless of how much evidence you shove in my face proving otherwise.”

Pretty thought-provoking paragraph from the Cripster. 

Let’s continue.

“The Elegant Angel stage in The Joint had a lot of activity at it today and they worked out a good system for a line that the fans stand in and the line was quite long.  I did see a lot of signs today informing fans that the girls were charging.  I commend them for that and it even allowed other talent to promote themselves with signs saying that their autographs are free.  Capitalism.”

Hmm.. Apparently people were listening yesterday when we were bitching and moaning that people were charging for autographs, but did not have signs up saying so.

So, I guess Mr Non-Factor Rob Black seems to be getting the information out to the studios and they seem to be listening. Even in Vegas.

“Adam & Eve was another exhibitor that sticks out in my mind for how structured their booth is.  There aren’t 3 lines for one performer blocking pathways around their booth.  Their talent is very punctual and it appears that Adam & Eve has a very solid process that moves along smoothly.  There is a really nice guy working the booth (I think his name is Scotty) and he makes sure the line flows and won’t let people block the aisle.  He completely eliminates the confusion and the mess that is apparent around a lot of the other exhibitors.  If a girl has to be pulled away from the fans for an interview he kindly waits until she is done and apologizes to the fans that have to wait.”

Wow. That is a glowing review for Adam and Eve and Scotty. You guys get the Cripple Dan half crooked thumbs up for being very professional. My hat’s off to you.

As you see guys, we are not a biased show here. I could give two shits who does good, who does bad or any of those things. We have no dog in the fucking fight. Ultimately, our dog is a network deal high atop WNNNNNBC and we don’t give a shit what happens with Adam and Eve or any of the other gedrools.

So if Cripple Dan says that they run a tight ship, I’m not gonna sit here and lie and say, “Oh, let me not print that. Because it doesn’t work for my agenda.”

My agenda is Rob Black. My agenda is getting my brand out there. That’s it. Anything other than that, I could give two shits.

He finishes with:

“Meanwhile, Digital Playground yanks the girl away in mid-autograph.  It isn’t the fault of the talent, but it appears to be the fault of Manwin.  They have tubesites showing the content of everyone else so why would they need to worry about their own studios and how they may come across to fans or potential buyers?  It may not be economically viable for them.  Who knows though.  I’m a just a cripple.” 

Cripple Dan

There you go, ladies and gentlemen. That is the AEE Day 3 update from The Crip. Cripple Dan.

Gotta give Cripple Dan props. That was a pretty good piece. A pretty good story. Props to Dan for an awesome job.

I’m very happy that Cripple Dan is happy. I’m very happy that people made his experience enjoyable. And I hope that someone gives Cripple Dan and his girlfriend a ticket to go to the awards show.

I recommend that Cripple Dan receive these tickets or we will talk shit on you and Cripple Dan will talk badly of you in his next update.

So I suggest someone gets Cripple Dan some fucking tickets to the goddamn awards show. If he doesn’t already have them.

Cripple Dan might already have tickets. I have not yet heard from Cripple Dan tonight in either an email or a phone call. He could be laying in a bathroom somewhere dead while people are face fucking his corpse and raping his girlfriend and beating him with crutches because he writes for The Rob Black Show. That could possibly be going on.

Or he found a really good party with a lot of BBW’s and they’re partying like it’s 1999 and jamming to Prince.

Let your imagination run wild. Like Hulkamania. Let it run wild on you.

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