Dave Cummings: From the Trenches, The July 2012 Edition

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Dave Cummings writes: Well, the old guy (me!) has finally given in and now has a cell phone. I was the lone long-term holdout among a bunch of Hash House Harrier (Google it?) running club friends trying not to be pushed into “being tied down” by carrying one as part of living in the tech age.

Those who were once part of the initial group, and who previously succumbed, subsequently applied nonstop pressure on those of us still resisting. Now, like them, I can watch porn on my iphone 4S when circumstances allow. As the last one standing, I won a lot of beers from the others, beers already consumed now.

I gave in so that I would have a phone handy for emergencies, for family
matters, and so that I’d have GPS capability for my almost daily brisk
exercise walks, and weekly running club jogs.

Last week, I did 41 miles and the previous week I completed 38 miles. Now, if only some of those beach area routes didn’t take me past the tempting bakery shops! I’d change the routes but it would mean no girl-gawking on the beach boardwalk, something I will never give up.

Speaking of bakery shops and exercise walking, one of my pet peeves is those hard-to-separate stacks of coffee cup lids at coffee shops, fast food
places, and bakeries. Ever notice how coffee cup lids sometimes defy
separation, kind of like those vitamin fish oil capsules that stick together and make your hands smell after you’ve pried the capsules out of the bottles? I feel sorry for folks with arthritis in their fingers or hands.

Another gripe is liners in running shorts, or those pants that cause runners to use spandex underwear to ward off chaffing; my bitch here is that they all to often bunch up and/or creep up into my crotch, which irritates my testicles, slows down my speed, and causes me to have to almost clandestinely pull them back down so I can unclog my crotch and get relief which allows comfort and a faster pace. Finding a suitable moment to do the unclogging in public is akin to scratching a testicle itch.

OK, while I’m bitching and whining, here’s another; I have a “bashful”
bladder. I can have sex in front of the cameras or in swinger group rooms
with no problem, yet my bladder won’t let me urinate if anyone is nearby;
and, when brisk walking after drinking coffee and needing to pee, it seems
like right after I pull my penis out and aim at the urinal, someone comes in which makes my bladder apply the brakes – I suspect that it relates to my parents telling me as a five year-old that peeing is a private matter.

In Vietnam as a Unit Commander during the enemy’s Tet Offensive I successfully had to pee quickly in battle or ambushes, but now days my bladder is bashful and IT’S in command.

Gee whiz, I should be writing about sex or porn, not my petty personal
complaints; so, as an apology, here is some advice for those of you
gentlemen who don’t already know this; being a regular consumer of pineapple is a way to possibly get your significant other to let you blow your load in her mouth.

So, for upcoming special events like wedding nights, birthdays, anniversaries, swinger parties or just routine lovemaking, I recommend a
helping or two of pineapple fruit or juice earlier in the day. She might get to like it and let you often do it instead of having to endure your load being shot on her face, clothes, hair or other body parts.

I was at a swinger pool party last weekend where the pineapple “thing” was
well known and a couple of ladies ended up recruiting other woman for me to
show them an example of pineapple cum-sweetening; I felt sort of “used” but
I was “up” for it a number of times.

One young lady said that for next month’s pool and pizza party she wants to be gangbanged orally by pineapple consumers. She gave excellent head, so I will probably attend THAT event.

Summer seems to be rocketing by. The views at the San Diego beaches are
fantastic, and I’m not talking about the scenery or the dolphins. So many
girls, including some who look barely 18, are wearing exceedingly skimpy
bikinis, and showing off their crotch camel toes.

The younger guys have caught onto it and seem almost drunk-acting from the eye candy feast that they are exposed to and enjoying. Be aware that we have generations of perverts in training at San Diego beaches to take over from us old fogeys in a few years. Since there are many nearby beach bars, I hope the under 21 folks are using condoms if they get lucky with the bikini-wearing girls who keep them on past sunset; same for the over 21 crowd hitting bars hoping to score.

Enjoy the rest of your summer, of course use sun block religiously, and keep condoms handy in case you score some consensual sex with adult-age folks if you get lucky. And, please be nice to others just to be a considerate human being!

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