Final: Rob Black: I Was Arrested

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Rob Black explained his absence from the air Thursday afternoon.

“I was put in jail,” he said. “I was sitting in the Van Nuys jail. This is not a bit. This story is going to be unbelievably controversial. My lawyer’s probably wigging out, but I don’t give a shit.”

Black explained that since the age of 16 he’s been on some type of medication. When he worked at Elegant Angel, he was on Paxil but discovered he’d get erections but not be able to cum. Buspar is another drug he took. Add Zoloft. His body was a cocktail of tranquility.

In prison, however, Black was taken off his meds. When he was released, after psychiatric evaluation, he was prescribed medical marijuana.

“It is legal to have medical marijuana in the state of California. You get a medical card and that’s all you need.”

Black said even his court papers when he was up on obscenity charges, talk about his medical condition. But apparently the arresting officer Thursday afternoon didn’t see it that way.

“This was an out of shape motorcycle cop who had no idea about arresting somebody,” said Black.

“We’re dealing with incompetence.”

Black went to his new office with Nikki Charm in North Hollywood Thursday morning. He was medicated, no ands, ifs, or buts, he says.

“About five hours later it was time to go do my radio show.” Black admits he smelled of the weed.

“A parade of cars are coming, these cars are never going to give me an opening.” So Black took a Three Stooges route to avoid traffic.

“I pull out, take a fucking right and drive maybe one block. Up the block I see this motorcycle cop. I put my left blinker on and take a left into a neighborhood where there’s a dishwasher on the lawn. A rental car? [Which Black was driving.] The cops are saying let’s go get somebody. I see a left hand sign and turn. There’s the cop. Hey, pull over. Okay. He walks over. He sticks his head in and goes I know you’re high. Where’s the weed? You mean my medicine?

“He doesn’t even ask for my license. So I pull out my weed, open the bag where I have my medicine- about a half ounce. I show it to him with my medical card. He goes why would you make a turn like that? It was an unsafe wide turn.

“I explained that I’m new around here, and this is a dead end. He says get out of the car. I’m being respectful because in prison I dealt with guys who said got a complaint? Call the president, bitch.

“He has me doing this field sobriety test, stuff I’ve never seen before.”

Black said he knows somebody in the porn business who’s now with the LAPD, so Black rattled off a name. The cop said he knew him.

“I figured we’re in a nice little dialogue. I wasn’t smoking it, I just smelled like it. Now we take our test and he goes what part of the instructions don’t you understand?

“This guy is giving me a roadmap of what I’m supposed to do. It was like a football drill. Left, right, right again, left…Not one fucking fail, nothing. Then he had me put my foot on lines, and these detective looking guys pull up.

“The cop says marijuana, and they drive away. Now I put my left foot up. One, two, three, four…all of this. Now you’re going to walk the line, pivot off the end of the line and walk nine steps.”

Black said even the cop admitted to a clerk he wasn’t following procedure when he took Black in. Black said this procedure will be challenged in court.

“While the Boston PD chases terrorists, a couple of our bad apples in North Hollywood LAPD pull people over for absolutely no reason. I didn’t even get a ticket.”

Black said the whole experience was something out of Reefer Madness and the cop took at least four hours of wasted tax payers’ money to run him through ridiculous reaction drills.

The cop next told Black he wasn’t going to take away the weed, but that Black was going to be taken down to the precinct to submit to a breathalyzer and a blood test.

“He hands Nikki Charm my bag which has my licenses, my medicine and my pipe to smoke my medicine. He hands this lady he doesn’t know and hasn’t asked for an ID, my bag with the medicine. Here ya, go, good bye.

“Then he takes off my belt so I won’t kill myself. You have this genius officer handing this stuff over to a woman whose ID he never got. As far as he knew, this could have been some hooker I picked up and we got high while we were driving. Then he gives this strange woman my cellphone!!! I got to figure some LAPD officer listening to this is going who is this fucking jackoff?

“After this officer gave Nikki Charm my medicine, she proceeds to walk down the street and other cops show up to take me away. ‘DUI, marijuana, he’s got a card, but marijuana…’ and these cops look at him like really?

“Now they pat me down and they stick me in the back of the car. These are North Hollywood cops, and they take me to Van Nuys. So they’re going to drive me all the way to Van Nuys. Now we got a caravan driving a medical marijuana patient to the precinct. I go in there, and now this cop is trying to talk to me like this is nothing personal, I’m doing my job. You’re doing your job wrong. You’re an asshole.

“The new breed of officers have good physiques and chase after terrorists. This officer weighed about 300 pounds so he’s killing time to sponge off the city. He’s a doctor all of a sudden. He’s harassing a medical patient and, worse, you look like a jerkoff.

Black also mentioned that his friend from the porn business who went into the LAPD, hung him out to dry by not calling him. Black said what’s odd is he got a lot of his inside info about the business from this former porn guy who’s now in the LAPD.

“Why do you think I’m not getting sued? I am the inside of this business!”

Black said he hopes this porn guy-turned cop dies of cancer.

Black also said when the paperwork of the lawsuit comes out, it will reveal an insidious porn connection.

“I can’t wait until all these names come out.”

Black now takes the breathalyzer, and the arresting cop wants to talk to him about the porn business.

“This fucking guy wants to be my best friend. Book me I told him. So now he takes me through the Van Nuys walk of shame and brings me to the booking window.”

Black said a woman at the window told the arresting cop he did the paperwork and the arrest wrong.

“Now he takes me into medical and my pants are falling down. There I am sitting on the bench. Sitting on the bench. A lady doctor or nurse looks up dumbfounded. ‘Accident? There’s no ticket, no traffic infraction, nothing.’

“Now a doctor guy- Dr. Steven Wilson- comes in. He goes, no accident. That seemed to be the buzz phrase. Now the officer brings me back to the girl who books me for marijuana all the while he’s talking about how he should be retired but is sticking around for the medical.

“I passed the breathalyzer. I passed everything,” said Black.

The cop apparently wanted him to submit to another test which Black reneged at.

“’Kiss your license goodbye,’ he told me.”

Black said his story was an indictment of “one lazy scumbag,” not the LAPD entirely.

Black talked about how another cop took him aside and told him how to beat the system so he wouldn’t be detained and fucked with.

“I almost wanted to cry. From this piece of garbage, this other good cop probably had friends who use medical marijuana. This officer was a really cool cop.”

Black got a hold of Nikki Charm who answered his phone. The lawyer Adam Stull eventually bailed him out. It was set at $15,000. Black gave a variety of other plugs and shut outs including the name of the bail bondsman.

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