XBIZ made an announcement recently that left me a little perplexed. They have made James Deen the host of the 2015 XBIZ Awards.
Maybe I’m being a little harsh, but it seems like James Deen is yesterday’s news. It would have made more sense to have him host last year’s show when he was riding high off of the Lindsay Lohan movie The Canyons, instead of train wreck Jenna Jameson. He was also the executive producer of the Eli Cross movie Cowboys and Engines, which seems to have stalled somewhat.
The history of porn performers crossing over into mainstream is spotty at best. Let’s face it, if they’re not using their genitalia, they’re really not that talented. Sasha Grey is a good looking chick, but she’s not the best actress in the world. I gotta imagine she used her mouth, pussy or asshole to get the part in that Soderbergh movie. Ditto with Entourage. Mainstream Hollywood uses porn stars for their sideshow appeal. If that weren’t the case, we would see Sasha landing Angelina Jolie roles instead of parts here and there in movies that go straight to video.
Same thing with James Deen. Good looking kid, but after The Canyons blew a big wet fart, Hollywood didn’t come knocking. I don’t really know what he’s doing in porn anymore, other than YouTube movies with Stoya for Lee Roy Myers. So it seems kinda silly that Alec Helmy would tap Deen to be the host of the 2015 XBIZ Awards.
If Helmy laid out big money to have train wreck Jenna Jameson host last year, why would he not fork out a little cash to have somebody from the B movie world that would be a big deal to the porn world? Shit, I dunno. Rumer Willis, Macaulay Culkin. Maybe Orlando Jones from the 7-UP commercials. But James Deen? How about Ron Jeremy? Ron Jeremy has more credentials than James Deen.
When James Deen was doing The Canyons and everybody thought he was going to be acting with Brad Pitt in movies like 12 Years A Slave, I could understand Helmy wanting him to host. But now that his 15 minutes are over in the Hollywood game, he’s just another porn guy. He’s doing low budget stroke flicks for Evil Angel hoping to sell 800 pieces. Let’s face it, when he’s putting out movies where all they are is Deen licking a girls pussy or old scenes shot in his house with girls who are retired, that’s not somebody whose career is hopping in the porn biz right now.
Helmy, I know you can’t take back the hosting gig from Deen. It just seems to be a coupla steps back from the buzz you created last year with the special secret announcement. For a couple of months, everybody was speculating who was gonna be the host. Then when it was announced that is was Jenna Jameson, everybody speculated what kind of shape she was gonna be in and if she was gonna be fucked up. Turns out she didn’t disappoint. How do you go from that to James Deen? What a letdown. Next you’re gonna announce that the show’s gonna be held at the Sportsmen’s Lodge in Studio City, next to where they have the memorials when somebody in the porn biz dies.
Alec Helmy, I want to help you out. You were more than courteous and professional during the XBIZ.net message board posting drama a month ago. www.adultfyi.com/read.php?ID=60381 You stood up to your bully Ambassadors Howard Levine and Colin Rowntree and I would like to show my appreciation.
I would like to offer my services as the 2015 XBIZ Awards Co-Host.
I am officially throwing by hat into the ring. I know that you can’t disinvite James Deen as the host. That would just look silly. But to balance it out, to be fair and balanced and give the show a little pizzazz, my services as Co-Host are available to you, my friend.
You have James Deen, who is like sour milk. A little past his due date. Then you have Rob Black. Fresh. New. Exciting. Much like The Love Boat. Come aboard, we’re expecting you.
Now I know a lot of people will say, “Are you crazy, Rob Black? That makes no sense.” I tell ya, it makes about as much sense as James Deen being the fuckin host. I got it when you had Jenna Jameson. But James Deen?
People will flock to the show just to see what Rob Black is gonna say on stage. What kind of controversy is gonna flow out of Rob Black’s mouth.
Alec Helmy. The Helmster. The Helminator. The Helminista. Let’s make the 2015 XBIZ Awards an historic occasion. A night to remember. An event of extraordinary magnitude. The best goddamn awards show that the adult industry has ever seen and will likely ever see again. Starring the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be.
Rob Black. The Co-Host of the 2015 XBIZ Awards. Along with that other guy James Deen.
Follow Rob Black on Twitter @RealRobBlack Email: firstname.lastname@example.org