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As you probably know, or may not, Kurt Lockwood writes a weekly column for the Baltimore City Paper. Harkening back to the days of Gram Ponante shoving matches, Lockwood is embroiled with one of the readers because of Lockwood’s ornate 18th century writing style. The exchange seems to be over this column: www.citypaper.com/news/columns/patriotic-porn-1.1517690

William Bond writes: To critique the abominations in style this writer commits — ‘bevy’, ‘dear reader’ (overandoverand, issuetoissue, …), ‘Skittles of sin’, etc…. Where are the writing profs at Goucher & JHU? Where are the supposed B*More feminists littering Hampden et locationus Baltimorous?

And I mean the literal porn version of writing (or tape recording) — even though ‘he is not in the writing bidness’ (his words), the bullshit about the GF who obviously cares les (no misspelling) about gay sex escapades, the constant explaining of the obvious, i.e.,’fireworks are illegal’ — NO FUCKING SHIT — on and on…

In a way, it is so bad, almost good (sometimes) — “There are two kinds of heat: temperature and lust, and both kinds had left their mark, one on that asphalt and one in my memory.” — Kinda sounds like what this dude’s underwear/ sheets must look like — sympathies to his maid…

But, seriously… Fireworks and gunfire to me are the same — raising war, as the writer seeks to compare! As if being among explosions is somehow heroic… Hard to take, no — fuck that — real hard to take! But to add the protest about the NSA that this paper made such a big deal about as being ‘no big deal’ AT ALL just shows how amateurish this shit is. That argument, if made at all, should have been made 15 years ago…

Kurt Lockwood replies: Here’s my critique of your jealous, weak critique ^^^. First, everybody should know that you have been cyberstalking me both here and in e-mails ASKING FOR MONEY because you supposedly have some big fucking master plan “how to make it rich in the writing business” and if only I’D PAY YOU you would “help me.” You are a cyberstalking con man trying to bilk people out if money. Shall I post your e-mails, beggar? Anyway keep reading I LOVE that you are OBSESSED with me and my writing

Bond replies: Steve, the only person in your imagined two-some stalking scenario is you stalking me — I refer you to your original multi-post direct Facebook messages to me threatening (which is laughable) physical violence, etc. Then, after you did that, you made up a fantasy that it was I stalking you because I inferred, correctly, facts about your life anyone with an IQ could easily see.

Maybe you really should read up on me. For example, you easily fell for the most basic infiltration technique in the book, and exposed so much information it was mind boggling, i.e., that you don’t wite your own shit, nor even know the very basics about the general world. Playing with your weak mind is something I am going to do from now on as it is better than reality TV. And, writing about how incredibly bad you are when you put that shit up for all to see, is not obsessive, just staing the obvious. Post all you wish, it will just make you look even more gullible and stupid than you already are. On my end, still thinking about taking your email threat(s) to the FBI…

Finally, real writers don’t get into comment arguments, and my first comment would have ended it if you knew that simple, basic fact of being in the writing biz, which you have clearly admitted you are not…

Kurt Lockwood replies: My last message was to William “Douche” Bond who obsesses over me EVERY WEEK. Get a life, you DON’T hate, douchebag,

Methinks you it is who obsesses over and values my opinion so much, as you just can’t let it go. Why is that? Or, maybe, you’re just a tad nuts. As for douching, I am sure you have more experience with that necessity than me…