from www.sfgate.com – I first met Penny Flame in a high-priced hotel room at the InterContinental, when she was staying in San Francisco, appearing as a star in promotion of her (then) new film, Chemistry #4. I recorded a long interview with Penny then met her, Tristan Taormino, Susie Bright and others for a post-appearance dinner. Flame was hard-edged but funny and kind; full of stories and humor about her job and the world.
Later, she performed in many more films, becoming a true star and a force to be reckoned with in the world of mainstream porn, and directed a female-centered series of hardcore sex-ed videos.
What I missed was meeting Jennie Ketcham. That’s Penny Flame’s real name.
Recently, Penny Flame quit porn. She immediately started a blog, [www.becomingjennie.com ] beautifully named Becoming Jennie, and reinvested herself into her life as an artist. We recently reconnected; I was on a local porn set last week and one of the photographers started talking with me about Jennie and how excited we all are for her to be entering an exciting and positive new chapter — but with a sex-positive stance on porn, women and self-defined sexuality.
And most of all, a cool attitude of sexual responsibility. You’d think this wouldn’t be hard math when it comes to women and their relationship to working in porn, but somehow it has been in the past. Jennie’s the new wave.
Talking with her last weekend, Jennie sees the women who leave the porn business and try to milk the publicity out of their situation as not only selling a hollow stereotype, but also creating an unsustainable model for their own healthy sexuality:
I hate the common exit strategy, hate that girls join the ‘god squad’ or feel ashamed of the choices they made but I understand it. I can see that it’s much easier to say ‘porn did this to me, or that’ but at the end of the day, we are all responsible for the choices we make. I chose to be a porn star. Now I’m choosing not to be. It’s the beautifully terrible thing about free will: we can do whatever we like but we must be held accountable for whatever we do. Just because I don’t want to be a porn star today doesn’t mean that I should feel ashamed to have been one seven months ago. It’s something I did and I’m not afraid to say I did it, loved doing it, and just don’t feel like it’s what I need to do anymore. Shame and guilt are useless emotions. The only way I would feel ashamed is if I’d decided being a porn star isn’t what’s best for me and then continued doing it anyway.
Jennie quit on her own terms, but not after feeling like she wasn’t in control of her identity anymore: she tells me:
I quit the adult business after entering into rehab for sex addiction. My intentions when entering were not recovery oriented, in fact, I planned on using ‘Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew’ as a springboard, hoping the national coverage would rocket my porn-star persona and career, knowing full well the implications. A porn star that goes to rehab for sex addiction? Isn’t she just a workaholic? It took three days of the mic guy chasing me around, calling me Jennie, for me to realize that I’ve spent my entire adult life developing the identity of a woman I am not. A woman that exists for the sole purpose of others’ enjoyment. I realized I have no identity as Jennie Ketcham and that I am incapable of developing sincere and intimate relationships. I don’t blame this problem on being in pornography, it was something I’ve struggled with for a long time, but to continue as an adult performer would just perpetuate the issues. I quit because I wanted an identity outside of being a porn star. I wanted to be Jennie again.
There really is no ‘how’… Quitting is just something you do. I went into my agency, thanked the agent for helping me to become the porn star I’d become, and said I am eternally grateful for all the hard work he’s put into my career. Then I deleted all the names in my phone that were fake, deleted every person whose real name I didn’t know. Changed my number. Moved on. I started a blog called Becoming Jennie to document the struggles of building one’s identity after devoting the early part of my adult life to developing another that I could no longer live. I’ve also quit drinking, using, and am doing the whole “date myself” thing for the first year of becoming Jennie. It’s actually the best thing I’ve ever done. Because I know it really is just for me.
When performers quit porn, reactions can be devastating. A support network of friends can become a closed circle that essentially edits you out of their lives, while the industry press gently closes the door and says good night, and former performers become ghosts. Jennie’s experience was mixed.
“People reacted as they reacted. Some thought it was a publicity stunt. Others knew it was for real. My family and friends have been incredibly supportive, and the main reason this transition has gone so smoothly. For the most part, people that knew me as Penny prefer me as Jennie, which reinforces every decision I’ve made in the past seven months. Even my old agency supports the decision. We’ve got to move on with life at one point or another, why not now right?”
I had to ask her, was it hard to just up and quit a persona, a career, the glamour and press, and take the risk? She explained, “The most difficult thing, aside from adjusting to a new tax bracket, has been convincing myself that a life outside being a porn star is possible. I mean, a decision I made at 18 will play out in the rest of my life, undoubtedly, but the obstacles I face are not insurmountable. That and adjusting to the belief that I can bring something to the table that is more worthwhile than dirty talk, a great rack and a filthy mind. The notion that my worth revolves around my sexuality is something I struggle with on a daily basis… In fact, that’s a big reason of why I entered adult in the first place. I always knew sex sells, but then I thought it’s all I was capable of selling. Now, I am becoming more and more convinced that what I have to offer is so much more than something existing between my legs. Now it’s between my ears.”
Her outlook on her porn past is refreshing and empowering. Jennie muses, “Looking back, I’m proud of my career. I’m proud to say that I conquered the porn world, best that any freckled 26-year-old girl can do. I traveled the world in the name of great sex and amazing adventures, went places I otherwise wouldn’t have been able to. I met some incredible people and created some friendships that have withstood the test of this transition. I am grateful to have been where I’ve been and seen what I’ve seen. I’ve also slept with enough people that this year of not sleeping with anyone is a cakewalk. I wouldn’t be in the wonderful place I am today if it were not for where I’d been as a porn star, and Penny Flame.”
“After starting the blog, Becoming Jennie, some amazing things started to happen. I started selling my paintings. I hooked up with a literary agent who is representing the memoir I’m currently writing, I met a producer that is encouraging me to write a script about my life and is ready to option the memoir once it’s finished. I reconnected with friends from my past, and started building a relationship with my father, a man who’s watched me grow from afar. I’ve started participating in my life and enjoying every aspect of it. I’m developing an intimate relationship with myself, and the people closest to me. I’m really getting to know who I am, what I stand for, and can see a vision of my future outside of pornography, it becomes clearer every day. I have hope. And that’s something I didn’t have when I quit.”
What’s next for the amazing Jennie Ketcham? Of course, she’s writing her memoir, and I already want to read it. She told me that in addition to writing her book, “I’d love to be involved in some sort of charity where I can make a difference and help others, and I’m contemplating going back to school. I’m hoping to put together a gallery showing of my artwork so that I can sell some of the sketches I did on the Dr. Drew show — I promised I’d donate half the proceeds to Children of the Night, a foundation we worked with while filming. My ‘next’ is up in the air, but that’s the best place it’s ever been. As long as I keep doing what’s right for me, and what helps those around me, my life keeps getting bigger and better. I am more grateful for my life today than I’ve ever been, and I owe a big thanks to all those who supported my decision to be Penny, and those who continue to see me through as Jennie.”