Quasarman: Her Vagina Smelled Like a Mexican Zoo

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The sounds of ice clinking in a high ball glass and the sploosh of Vermouth was not your imagination.

Quasarman, the Foster Brooks and the one-man happy hour of the adult industry, was a guest on the Jayden James-Jayden Cole Sex Squad show this week on the Toad Hop Network. Quasarman observed that the two Jaydens were like a mammary yin and yang.

Quasarman, aka Mick McCormick, who helmed a site called Quasarman Rants many moons ago is back to blogging on www.mikequasar.com

bottle of Pinot Grigio in hand, Quasarman was in the studio with his long suffering wife who’s often been the butt of his hysterical jokes.

“Truth is I didn’t want to bring her but I had no choice because I couldn’t drve a car. It’s no secret that I have a crippling dependency on alcohol. That’s nothing I’m proud of.”

Quasarman said he saw the film, Flight, with Denzel Washington.

“Most people thought that was a really sad movie. I actually felt it was quit uplifting because it showed to me that a functioning alcoholic can steer an airplane.”

Quasarman admits that he shoots “pornographic films” usually hung over.

“The fact that I’m still gainfully employed is at least a testament to the fact that I’m able to utilize my alcoholism proactively.”

One of the women, I think Cole, [because I was listening to the broadcast, not watching it on Skype] said they couldn’t function on a porn set without the medicinal help of weed. Quasarman who’s been a director for 20 years said his sets weren’t conducive to stoners because he likes to be done before 4 o’clock.

Noting that the industry is in “flux” and that free porn has decimated the business, Quasarman observed [as Rob Black has been pointing out] that everyone is working for way less than they used to get paid.

“Which sucks, but I have the budget I have,” he said.

“If only I could pay for your car payment with laughter. That would be great.”

On the subject of male performers or men in general going down on female performers and the fact that it’s rare to see a black man engage in that activity, Quasarman noted that both James and Cole have vaginas ‘Like a brand new condo.’

“Like a well manicured yard it’s a place you’d like to visit and play softball.”

Relaying a story by contrast, Quasarman shot a girl about two weeks ago during a boy-girl scene.

“Her vagina smelled like a Mexican zoo. I’m not trying to be funny. It was bad. They don’t have real animals in Mexican zoos. They have like raccoons and cats; you’re not going to find a White Tiger in a Mexican zoo.

“It was really bad. We all had to stop because it was literally permeating the air- remember the Anthrax scare of 2002? It was like that. So we had to stop and it was embarrassing. I had to say to the girl, ‘Something’s doing down there. I’m not here to judge here. I don’t want to have sex with you. I just want to hold the camera but I can tell you your male partner is both horrified and traumatized. What can we do to fix this problem.’

“It turned out that she had a sponge that had been in her two weeks. I’m like, you know you can die, right?”

Given a feminine hygiene product the female talent fled to the ladies room to take care of business.

“There are some people who sought out the porn business because they want to totally perv on chicks,” said Quasarman noting that he wasn’t one of them.

“But I have a little less respect for them than the people who are, this is my job, this is what I do, I do it to the best of my ability and move on. That’s where the line divides certain directors from certain other directors. In my case I’m just trying to pay my mortgage.”

Quasarman talked about a conversation he had with a girl who recently got a boob job. I said, “Everyone should go to Jayden James’ doctor because she has the greatest boobs, never mind boob job, there is. They’re phenomenal. Yet there are some girls who go to a doctor and come out somehow with space for a third boob. And they paid for that and said thank you. It’s like two grain silos jutting out of the desert. It’s not a good look at all.”

Cole talked about how 2 ½ years ago she woke up and one of her boob’s was flatter.

“I had an implant leak and had to have emergency surgery.” Cole says her new ones are now a bit lopsided.

“People forget that breast implants are supposed to simulate real natural big boobs so if they’re a little off that’s how boobs are,” said Quasarman.

“But there are other girls who get them so big they jut out. It’s an awful thing. But I don’t know how a girl can go and have herself augmented in such a way then go, ‘Awesome, thanks.’

He referred to the “cheap Mexican boob jobs” where they go through the boob with the implant.

“The scar around the nipple is so prominent.” Cole said her doctor was reasonably priced and is on the low end of Los Angeles plastic surgery rates.

One of the women, James, I believe, recalled her first porn set where she did a scene with her agent at the time Derek Hay/Ben English.

Quasarman said anyone who has sex with English, ‘They’re doing a porn parody of Silence of the Lambs.”

Cole said her first scene was with Jon Strong and Mr. Pete and she was repped by Lee Bang at the time. Quasarman immediately went into an impression of Bang telling a girl that her scene will be in a Walmart. Quasarman also does a great Mr. Pete impersonation.

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