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13:53 PM PST

Monique DeMoan Back Working- final

on the late Jon Dough: "the depression got the better of him"


Porn Valley- Monique DeMoan is back doing movies. I spoke to her on a Rob Spallone set Tuesday afternoon and DeMoan is repped by Spallone's agency,

As you might expect, we talked mostly about the death of her late husband, Jon Dough.

"This is my second film," says DeMoan. "It's not weird being back. It's just hurry up and don't be late; and hurry up and late. I was disappointed in my first shoot. I forgot about the waiting. But that's life in the porn business."

To get bacjk in the business, DeMoan said she got in touch with Anita Cannical, a good friend of hers.

"She helped me make a few contacts- I called them and signed with Rob Spallone and here I am."

"Chet's missed," she sighed. "We have a 4 year old little girl. She still talks about him. He did a lot of arts and crafts with her and she misses doing arts and crafts with daddy and going to the park and the movies with daddy. We still do these things but she misses her dad. I miss him, too. It really sucks."

The couple was together 11 1/2 years.

"You just pick up the pieces and keep going," she says. The DeMoan and Chet met on an Ed Powers shoot when DeMoan was 20.

"I did a scene with him- him and Tom Byron," says DeMoan. "It was Dr. Butts 3. It was a good scene. Chet was definitely good."

"I'm 34 now," she continues. "We got together when I was 23." DeMoan says there was an instant attraction. But they actually began seeing one another when he was signed with Vivid.

"He was flirting with me and hanging out on the set of a Vivid shoot," she remembers. "I was joking with him. I said take me out to dinner, first. He was, like, okay. He took me out to dinner. It was a good dinner. We had a nice time. We went to some Mexican joint. It was a good Mexican joint. I had some chicken enchiladas with green sauce. Good stuff. From there it took off. We were seeing each other every weekend. Then the weekends turned into weeks and weekends. Weeks turned into months. He was working a lot. But when it got real serious he's I don't want you working any more. And I quit doing anal. He was you don't have to do anal any more. Don't do anal.

"Then as the years went by, I was, I'm going to do anal again." DeMoan smiles.

DeMoan then quit the business when she got pregnant.

"That was 5 1/2 years ago- I became a mom and just took care of my kid," she relates. "I really like being a mom. I enjoy it. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be in the business because I like being a stay at home mom. But since Chet's been gone it's been hard to make ends meet. I do what I enjoy."

"Chet was suffering from depression," she states. "He relapsed. He was going through a hard time with alcohol and drugs."

DeMoan tells me that Chet attempted suicide another time- a month prior when he brought a barbecue with propane torches inside the house. He was found unconscious and rushed to the hospital on that occasion. A month later he took his life.

"You see this guy and you think a hunk of a man- he's got everything going for him. Nothing seems to faze him. And yet somewhere there's a chink in the armor- he always came across to me as a together guy."

"He really did have his shit together for a long period of time," DeMoan agrees. "But with alcohol and drugs, you do too much, it gets the better of you. Things just started falling apart. I tried telling him it's not that bad. We talked about rehab. We were both in an out-patient program. He didn't like it. He thought it was bullshit. But the clinic we went to wasn't a Together Foundation. They didn't have a strong 12-step program and that was what he was disappointed about.

"He was looking for a good 12 step program and he felt they weren't helping him," she continues. "He went to a couple of meetings and he just quit going. The disease of addiction got the better of him. It just grabbed a hold of him. Bills weren't getting paid. The work wasn't getting done- he wasn't putting together work. He started going into his depression. And the depression got the better of him. He felt he wasn't stepping up to the plate being a good father. He did the best he could when he was falling.

"For somebody who was in the disease of addiction as bad as he was, he was managing to be a pretty good father," DeMoan contends. "He always spent time with her and did the best he could."

DeMoan relates the grim circumstances of the suicide.

"I was napping on the bed and he was in the living room," she continues.

"My daughter went next door to the neighbor's house to play. I got up and I took off. I was looking for him in the living room. I left. I came back 20 minutes later and I couldn't find him. I looked all throughout the house. I thought something's wrong. The motorcycle, truck, his wallet, keys, everything was laid out. I saw his wallet and said this is not like Chet to leave his wallet here. Even if he went for a walk. So I went to the neighbor's house and I was have you seen him? Did he come by? No one had seen him. I looked for him around the neighborhood for about an hour.

"Then I went back to the house and looked all around one more time," DeMoan goes on to say. "We had a small walk-in closet. It was dark in there. It was about 3 o'clock. The closet itself was dark and I'm looking for a 6'4" man. Where my eyes were looking, I didn't see him. It took me another 20 minutes where I took a really good look in the closet and saw him. I found him hanging there.

"I thought I was going to have a heart attack," says DeMoan. "I was screaming and crying. I couldn't pick him up. I ran next door. I got help. We cut him down. We laid him down. Somebody was pumping on his chest and I was trying to get his mouth open. It was pretty horrific. It was awful and something I would never wish on my worst enemy to ever walk in and find somebody like that. It's devastating and thank God my little girl didn't see it. The medics came out and they told me we're sorry, he's gone. I immediately got on the phone and called my sister. She could barely understand what I was saying but she understood get over here. I was crying so bad.

"There was nothing anyone could do," says DeMoan. "I placed blame on myself for a few months. I go to therapy and there's just nothing you can do. It wasn't my fault. I realize that now. But always in your head you go over if I would have done this different, if I just looked a little closer I could have saved him in time before he was gone.

"I still kick myself in the ass that I didn't check the closets thoroughly."

DeMoan estimates that two hours passed from the time she realized Chet was missing until she found him. And there's a lot of other second-guessing.

"If I would have just gotten him help," she says. "Chet did talk about suicide a couple of times. I told him you have a little girl, Chet. Don't remove yourself from her life. Please don't talk like that. He just thought there was no other way out from his addiction."

"He always struck me as a guy who kept things to himself," I tell DeMoan.
"Maybe if he was more vocal about it, there could have been an intervention."

"Yeah, I know," she says. "I don't know. I miss him a lot."

As an alternative to working in the business, DeMoan says she was hoping to work on sets, doing paperwork and putting the model releases together.

"Just something simple behind the scenes to take up my time and make a little cash on the side," she suggests. "Nothing major. I might go back to school. I've thought about going back to school and getting work in recovery working at a rehab and working with addicts that want help. That's something I'm definitely interested in but I have to go to school for it. Right now I'm bringing up my daughter and her school hours are right in the middle of the day.

"Right now I have to iron things out and get a sitter and my schedule down. But I am seriously considering working with recovering addicts. It's important to me."

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