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11/5/2008

14:25 PM PST

TMZ Presents Max Baer Jr. at 70; Christy Canyon Wrote About Him Jacking Off On His Own Thigh

--Gene Ross

A good porn story is always worth repeating.

Christy Canyon in her autobiography Lights, Camera, Sex, writes about Max Baer Jr. [he played Jerthro in the Beverly Hillbillies]who was just profiled on TMZ.

Baer's a well known porno groupie. And Canyon, to this day, suspects that she was set up by agent Jim South who seemed pretty insistent that she come in his office right away to pick up a script for an Alex de Renzy movie that was being shot in two months.

In reality, Canyon suspects it was all a ruse to have her meet Baer who was sitting in South's office when she arrived. Canyon admits that she wasn't a fan of the show and had only seen some of the episodes in re-run. But she was smitten with the fact that Baer was a movie star. Plus she couldn't get over the fact that Baer had dated Misty Reagan, who, you gather from other remarks, doesn't exactly rank high in Canyon's porn echelon. Canyon was told that Baer was a big fan of hers and he asked her if she liked sushi.

Canyon writes that she couldn't believe a famous movie star was asking her out on a date but was a little set off by his vulgarity and crudeness. Baer, sitting in South's office, asked her who she 'fucked' in her last movie. She told him Ron Jeremy and Baer immediately began to comment on the size of Jeremy's cock. Which should have been Canyon's first clue. Canyon then goes on to describe her shopping spree in Bullocks with quaint visions in her head of cee-ment ponds, Aunt Ellie Mae and little Jethros running around.

The next day finds Canyon on the Harold Lime set of Doctor Desire where she's about to have her first threeway in the business, her two male partners being Steve Drake and Billy Dee- guys she hadn't worked with before.

Canyon describes how she began fantasizing about Baer and how he was going to take her away from porn. Back to reality, Canyon notes how attractive she found both Dee and Drake and that she was going to make it a point of asking South to book her with them again. Canyon describes herself as being in another galaxy and experiencing the best sex she ever had during that threeway. The following evening Baer came to pick her up and took her to a sushi joint at the Beverly Glen Mall.

Canyon writes that it was the first time since she had been in the adult business that she wanted someone without a camera being shoved in her face. During the drive to the restaurant, Baer is slipping his hand between her legs and telling her about how he had rented his house in the canyon for $10,000 a month to a guy who owned a chain of fitness clubs.

Baer relates how the "asshole" never watered the lawn which is now dead. Baer says that he also has a chalet in Lake Tahoe and what he describes as a "ranch" in Van Nuys. Canyon's impressed.

Baer also explains how he managed to hang onto the house though a messy divorce, but that his ex-wife got his royalties for life from The Beverly Hillbillies. Canyon seems surprised by the information that Baer was married, Baer explaining that his wife wasn't into swinging and that's what basically broke the marriage up.

Baer also wanted to know details about Canyon's shoot. He seemed inordinately interested about the cocks of Billy Dee and Steve Drake and wanted to know which guy Canyon enjoyed fucking more. Once at the restaurant, Canyon wanted to change the subject and asked Baer for details of his life which sounded far more interesting than what she describes as her own porn life of "hushed locations and three-page scripts." After dinner, Baer suggested a jacuzzi at his "ranch" and Canyon tells him she didn't bring bathing suit which he finds pretty funny.

Canyon displays disappointment in the fact that Baer's "ranch" is essentially a ranch home about a block from the 405 though she compliments the decor as being stylish and masculine.

Not to let decor get in the way of formality, Baer begins grabbing Canyon's boobs. "I've been wondering what these would feel like," he tells her. By his oafish technique Canyon got the impression that Baer was inspecting melons. Canyon writes that she wanted to yelp, didn't, and Baer began squeezing harder. She grabs on to the kitchen counter as Baer continues the groping, pressing her for more details about her shoot the day before. Baer wanted to know what it was like having two cocks in her.

Of particular interest to her, Canyon notes that during this whole kitchen counter assault, Baer doesn't even display the traces of wood. Baer starts to back off and begins rubbing his crotch as he asks Canyon to tell him about Dee and Drake fucking her. Canyon notes by her reflection in the refrigerator door that she looks like an explosion in a mascara factory. She checks to make sure her nipples are still intact as she continues the story about her shoot.

By this time Baer is manipulating himself and growing larger. As Canyon describes how she played with her clit, Baer, disapprovingly, wants to know more details about the guys. "Get to the boys," he tells her. "Steve's cock," Baer continues as he takes a seat on the chair and slips his jeans down around his ankles.

Baer wages a full self-assault on his cock and balls, pestering Canyon for more intimate details about men's equipment. Because she's hungry, Canyon reaches into Baer's refrigerator and pops open a chocolate snack-pack pudding then attacks a wedge of Brie cheese, lending orgasmic sounds in the process.

Baer, however, is in his own world and doesn't notice that Canyon puts the cheese back in the refrigerator with teeth marks in it. Then he begins to ejaculate on his thigh. Minutes later, Baer asks Canyon if it was as good for her as it was for him. And with the cum still apparently on his leg, Baer pulls his jeans back on. Baer now wants to set Canyon up with two Chippendale dancers so he can watch. Canyon notes that Baer's glance at their calendar is a bit too loving and his comments about their good looks a little too excessive, so she suggests that she wouldn't mind seeing Baer getting it on with those two.

"I'm not into that shit," Baer tells her. "It only comes out my ass, nothing gets in." It's Canyon's opinion that the two Chippendales, Dougie and Johnny, would prefer a firecracker up their asses than pleasure her.

Canyon writes that her date with Baer was so inane but fun nevertheless, though she avoided his calls after that. Apparently he got the hint.

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