Review: Teen Meat 1

EvolutionErotica. D. Timothy Tyler Thomas. Jasmine Lynn, Haley, Holly, Amber Rain, Kendra Lynn.

The company proudly proclaims this as one of the best if not THE best Teen movie currently on the market. Until such time as I see better, I’m not inclined to doubt it.

Teen Meat Vol. 1 heralds the debut of “teen director” Timothy Tyler Thomas. And from the opening credits you realize that Thomas, if he truly needs an age card to get into a R-rated movie, possesses more sexual sophistication than the old Extreme Teen series and its directors most of whom clobbered scenes as though they were baby seals.

In this rejuvenation under a new company auspices, the editing’s top notch. The film-look’s a blessing and the cast- holy cow- is a wet dream, particularly sexy Kendra Lynn whose scene with Valentino is an award-winner.

So let’s talk about that one first. It opens with director Guy Capo having a skull session with his cameraman. Capo’s vision plays out on the screen as Kendra, the neighbor is supposed to be checking the house next door. She runs into Valentino who stalks like a stalker, but Capo keeps equivocating on the essence of the script, hence Valentino switches occupations in hilarious dialogue turnabouts with Kendra. Finally it’s settled that he has something to do with sports medicine, so the barefooted Kendra has him checking out her arches. And, as fans of this veteran male performer already know, Valentino delivers a helluva scene time and again. This one being no exception. Take note. It’s the last scene on the reel.

In the opening segment, Haley comes home to an empty house so calls boyfriend Sergio to come over. Haley and Sergio wind up drinking, smoking a joint and getting frisky on the living room couch. Plenty of tease and tension-arousing foreplay make this an eminently enjoyable experience. Then we have the class nerd Holly writing romantic musings in her diary about class jerk, Dez whose behavior is diametrically opposed to the stuff she pens in her journal. Their subsequent coupling features some reverse cowgirl anal, Holly’s flopping titties, and ass-to-mouth.

Having lost the soccer game, coach Ted Hunter’s bummed out and the star of the team, the very cute Amber Rain, tries to make it up to him. Hunter’s predictable behavior, when offered the goods, is what the website is all about. And, in a session with their shrink, step-siblings Ben Brat and Jasmine Lynn display a form of communication that’ll get you 10-20 in most states. With some salad tossing in the mix, Jasmine gets a pretty solid anal pounding.

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