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No power. No shower. Rob Black, apologizing for his “smelly balls,” explained he had no power and no hot water in his “pokey little apartment.”

But Nikki Charm was able to get the beef with the Electric Company squared away. Black said trying to wipe your ass in a dark bathroom was a bit of a problem but he managed.

“I’m broke, and I got no power and a car without brake pads, but I’m doing this show for you people.”

Black heard he had a new fan in Kelly Shibari who obviously likes men with material deficits.

“Let me take you out and let me talk to you a little, let me romance you,” said Black setting the stage of seduction.

“Me and you are in Starbucks, and I’m putting my hand on your knee saying, ‘Pretty cool, Kel.’ That’s drawing you into me.”

Black said he’s got a thing for pudgy Japanese women. He remembered a makeup artist who fit that description but thinks there’s definite possibilities with Shibari.

“I will tell you how awesome I am and the things I’ve done to revolutionize the business. You will definitely see me in the eyes that you see Man-swine.”

Black said he’d take Shibari back to his pokey little apartment. “And we’ll fuck. And I’d like to have a little cellphone content which would be awesome.”

Black said they could go to The Palm.

“If you eat there a lot, they’ll paint your face on the wall. My cell phone content would be kinda like The Palm. If you go to The Palm you’re no piece of shit. You’re class. The Palm is serious classy shit. You got to be a who’s who to have your face on the wall.

“So my cell phone content wall, I want it to be like that. I’m not going to be doing cellphone with any fucking girl. I’m going for legendary status. I’m going for Lisa Ann and the Kelly Shibarster. My rogues gallery is not a trash mound. It’s an all-star wall. The Palm, step aside.”

“Ginger Lynn, Allie Haze, Lisa Ann, Andy San Dimas ‘you sonofabitch you’re right at the top’”, Black says he places Shibari in that esteemed group.

Black imagines that San Dimas would probably dismiss him because he didn’t have a Rolls Royce, but Black also pointed out that Adam who works for Jim Powers has a site devoted to “ugly fucking guys” and suspects he’s at least a notch above that guy.

“Unlike the creepy director guys I try to work my charm.”

Brandon Iron called about having a used porn carpet he was willing to put up for auction

“It’s a classic piece of memorabilia. It has sentimental value. I remember watching Hillary Scott, whatever. It’s like a man who would buy women’s shoes.”

Iron said the carpet was bought at Pier 1 Imports back in the gonzo days of porn. “It’s like a fish tail Cadillac.”

Iron said a lot of new girls got their start working on that carpet.

“It gave them comfort and a place to work. It was their landing spot.”

Black thought people might laugh at it for its camp value, but Iron insisted it was a treasure that he’s owned it for nine years.

“I’m a proactive producer that reacts to the market forces.”

Black suggested that what is old is new again and that the carpet may still have remarkable value.

“Rob I work 12 minutes out of the day. I have 23 hours to do nothing. Maybe something will get me back to the top,” said Iron.

Black wanted to start the bidding at $1,000 but Iron was willing to start at $10.

“But this monstrosity has to go.” Black said he’d send some of the XPW guys with pennies to pick up the carpet.

“This carpet has been all over the Internet, all over the tube sites,” Iron said.

“I’m proud of it. Let’s end the injustice and get 10 solid American dollars.”

Black was of the opinion Iron should call John Stagliano and Trisha Devereaux that maybe they would buy the rug. Or maybe Mark Wood and Francesa Le.

“I want this carpet to be in the right home. I’m looking for a carpet-less person.”

“Good luck trying to sell that rug,” said Black.

Iron suggested maybe that rug could go in one of Black’s movies like the way Tom Zupko used Russian soldier outfits.

“Props are a natural part of any movie making,” Iron explained, noting that maybe the company where The Samurai guy went crazy had a bloody carpet they wanted to get rid of.

Black thought the remnants of the Israel Gonzalez shootout at Elegant Angel might have value as well.

Now that he was coming off his high, Black wondered why he spent as much time as he did with Iron over a carpet.

“Drugs are no good, man,” said Black explaining the carpet bit was a train wreck.

“In Brandon’s cryptic mind I think he was trying to bust balls and be funny. Brandon you stood on hold for 20 minutes to do that bit you stupid motherfucker. I’m overly medicated. I’m sorry, my audience, I let you down. I got sucked, in and I let you down. You Internet experts like Mike South, I’m sorry I let you down.”

Black said he just got a call from station JCLU 95 in Kansas and they said forget about the audition, that he’d waste 20 minutes talking to an asshole like Brandon Iron.

“I lost the fucking job,” Black sighed.

“Brandon Iron, thanks buddy. My life is over because I just lost the only thing that mattered to me besides this chicken shit garbage talk radio. It was going to be live big time. I’m a bum. I eat what other people throw up. Now I’m staying here because Brandon Iron got me fired.”