Rob Black: “With spiking your dick and taking a pill, if you can’t get a hard on you’re a Homosexual”

It was Good Friday, and for the first half hour of the new Rob Black Internet show, Christ turned over on his cross. Until Black and cohort Tom Byron figured out how to work the audio button, there were minutes of dead air, feedback, weird echo effects and garage band sounds.

By the time Ron Jeremy called in during the second half hour, Black had most things under control, but he still has to iron out some “serious technical difficulties.”

Jeremy and Black took a walk down memory lane, with Black observing that he used to hire Jeremy when it was no longer cool to use him. Black said part of the reason for his using Jeremy was the fact that Ron was in the second movie [Sweet Revenge] Black’s father Dominic and uncle Chuck ever made when they were The Zane Bros.

“Ron was the butt of jokes. He’d come to the set and eat the food and fall asleep in the corner. But I loved him, and I was a mark for him.”

Byron noted that Black got to meet Metallica largely through Jeremy [and Jeff Hickey].

Jeremy talked about his recent hospitalization.

Jeremy said he had a great doctor and went to a great hospital, noting that what he had wasn’t a heart attack.

“I had what John Ritter had and also what Lucille Ball had and also what Albert Einstein had. It’s called an aortic dissection which is the worst thing you can have. I have no idea of how I got it unless it’s something hereditary.”

“I don’t do drugs; I don’t smoke, barely drink. My blood pressure was high but it wasn’t that high.”

“Ronnie, you don’t think it had to do with the fact that you eat everything known to man?” Black asked him.

“That might have been part of it,” said Jeremy advising that performers should take the time to have a blood pressure test.

“I’m gonna be honest with you because you’re my fucking boy and I love and I’ve known you for 20 years,” Black continued.

“Right then and there we planned how we were going to take Tommy [Byron] to the top spot because now you were dead. He’d become the Number One performer in the world. But then you fucking lived, Ronnie. And now Tommy’s back to being a fucking loser again! So what the fuck man.”

Black suspected that at Jeremy’s funeral it would be the who’s who of show business.

“You’d go just to rub elbows with all the fuckin’ celebrities.”

Black also noted, quite accurately, that Jeremy’s near-death experience proved that he was larger-than-life, what with all the coverage from the mainstream devoted to his illness.

“People that wouldn’t know porn if it bit them on the ass talking about you fucking being sick, almost dying. They talked about you at The Academy Awards. Everybody knows who fucking Ron Jeremy is. That’s a fucking superstar.”

Black also told a funny story about when he and Byron worked for Patrick Collins at Elegant Angel.

“I think we were the few that didn’t rob and steal from Patrick,” Black observed dryly.

“Pat said I stole his soul. But we didn’t rob from him.”

Byron mentioned that Collins supposedly brought in a priest to exorcise the evil spirits.

“He did an exorcism and went around the building and blessed it to get the demons of Rob Black out,” Black added, noting that few people know the history of the porn business prior to 2003.

Which got Byron on the subject of the AVN Hall of Fame and porn stars versus porn performers.

“You’ve been in the business ten years you get to be in the Hall of Fame,” said Byron noting that you no longer get to make a speech on stage.

“Just because you play pro football you don’t get into the hall of fame,” Black added.

“Pete Rose, the greatest fucking hitter in the world isn’t in the hall of fame. Just because you’re in the goddamn business for 10 years doesn’t mean you’re in the fucking hall of fame.

“Same thing with a porn star- such a loose term. ‘I’m a porn star.’ You’re a sex worker. That’s what you do. You don’t get a star status until you can draw money. That’s what it’s called, drawing money. In the wrestling business, boxing or any business where people pay to watch you, to view you and not because you’re a flash-in-the-pan girl that can fucking prolapse; not just because you can turn your fucking asshole inside out. There used to be a criteria to be a star.

“Now you’ve got guys who’ve done 8,000 or 10,000 scenes,” Black added.

“You can spike your dick up and everybody knows which guys do it and now you’re a porn star.

“If a male performer today can’t get a hard on,” Black continued, “that’s because you’re a faggot.

“With all these chemicals that are out there now, with spiking your dick and taking a pill, if you can’t get a hard on you’re a homosexual. That’s it. You should not be on this side of the business.”

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