Sean Awards the Stories of the Week: Coco Brown, Mike Kulich, BiBi Jones and Elexis Monroe Get Early Valentine’s Kiss

Sean writes – We don’t make the news, we just exploit it.

The Neil Armstrong is Rolling in His Grave award goes to porn star Coco Brown.

It was reported this week that Coco Brown will become the first porn star in space when she and a pilot strap themselves into a space plane and rocket 62 miles above the Earth’s surface.

Coco said, “I’ve always had a love of space. I’m an adventurous person and I thrive off of excitement.”

Coco isn’t planning to have sex in space – insisting it would be almost impossible to romp at zero gravity.

She explained: “Trying to have sex in space is a little difficult.

“You just really don’t have that much control. There would be nothing keeping you together.”

That sounds like the first time I had sex, but I digress.

The Dutch space plane flight will set Coco back a cool $95,000 and over 100 people are on a waiting list for similar trips.

We wish her luck and hope she also doesn’t become the first porn star splattered across the Atlantic in a space vehicle.

The Steve ‘Papa Smurf’ Hersch Media Whore award goes to Assence Films’ Mike Kulich.

We all remember the Super Bowl commercial in which the nerdy guy sucked face with supermodel, Bar Rafaeli. The sound effects of the lip-lock almost made me vomit.

Kulich, on the other hand, figured it was a grand opportunity to offer the nerdy-looking 34 year old actor a shot at porn stardom by offering him the opportunity to appear in a sex scene.

Shockingly, the actor, Jesse Heiman, has yet to respond. No matter, at last count dozens of news services picked up the story and Assence Films accomplished it’s goal: some cheap publicity.

The They All Come Back award goes to BiBi Jones.

After abruptly leaving the industry last July, Jones announced that she has returned to Digital Playground.

As for the reason she left the industry Jones said, “I really needed to ground myself and figure out what I really wanted in life and take some time and really think about things,” she explained. “I decided what I really want is to be back in the adult industry and to make a career out of it. So I worked things out with them.”

During her hiatus, Jones revealed that she landed “a normal job” doing sales and marketing for a restoration company in Arizona. She intends to keep that job and work there when she isn’t doing movies.

“It helps keep me grounded,” Jones said. “My boss knows everything [about my porn career]. I’m the only girl working there so we joke around a lot and I flirt with them. They’re fun guys.”

The countdown for her next farewell has already begun. The over/under for how long she stays this time: 6 months.

The Dope of the Week goes to Connie Jean Current.

This dope will not soon be mistaken for John Dillinger or any other great criminal of the past.

The police report tells it all: Current broke into a man’s home on East Davis Street between 7 and 10:15 p.m. Tuesday. She took the several porn DVDs and a blue thermal shirt. The property was valued at $147.

Since the outbreak of porn tube sites, who the hell buys porn DVDs anymore let alone steals them? And a blue thermal shirt? Christ, go to Walmart and buy one for $14.00.

Current was taken to Gaston County Jail and assigned a $25,000 secured bond.

The Ingrate award goes to Elexis Monroe.

As the story goes, Monroe needed surgery that totaled in the ballpark of about $25,000.

Girlfriends Films owner Dan O’Connell, who shares a professional and personal relationship with Monroe, was quick to help.

O’Connell decided to produce a benefit movie, Lesbian Sex: Volume 10 in which 30 female performers would forfeit half of their fees, and Girlfriends Films would match each of those contributions.

This week Jethro Bodine on his website reports: “In total over $10,000.00 was raised by Girlfriends Films and presented to Elexis in December, when she needed it.

Apparently no good deed goes unpunished.

“There was never any deal to give proceeds of the movie to Elexis, the idea was that the movie would likely only break even if that. Now figure the movie hasn’t even been out for thirty days, so almost no money has even been made anyway, it typically takes 60 to 90 days before the receivables start coming in.

“Out of the blue Elexis decides that Girlfriends Films should be sending her more money and starts a twitter rant that none of the proceeds from the movie were given to her.”

Monroe reports that she’s lost all hearing in her left ear. “Unfortunately I’m not getting money from sales,” she adds.

“I really want to have a Benefit/Charity Event/Party to raise some money for my surgeries and have some fun. Ladies, want to get involved?” she goes on to say.

In closing, Bodine writes what many of us in this industry have been thinking for years:

“I am getting really tired of porn chicks feeling that when they spend their money on weed, Coach Purses, ex-convict boyfriends (take your pick) instead of HEALTH INSURANCE that somehow obligates the industry to bail them out.”


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