Sean Looks at the Week of 1/17/2010 In Review; Janine The Norman Einstein Winner

Sean from writes: You want straight, no nonsense journalism, you stick with Adultfyi

The Janine Lindemulder Dope of the Week winner is Robert Smith. This lard-ass claims he paid a hooker $150 and then she refused to perform the service or give his money back. Believing that a crime was committed, this dope called the police. After an investigation, police agreed with our dope that in fact a crime was committed: they are both now up prostitution charges.

A special class action dope award goes to the men who fell for a guy masquerading on the Internet as fashion model Bree Condon. As the story goes, Justin Brown had been impersonating Condon online and on the telephone for years. In his high pitched voice he would ply these dopes with sob stories and these Captain Save-A-Ho idiots would send this guy thousands of dollars. Only after a dope doctor from Miami gave $15,000 to “her” did he get suspicious and contact the police. A grand jury indicted Brown last week on a felony theft charges.

This week’s Sasha Grey Media Whore Award winner is Amy Fisher. To garner some cheap publicity for her fledgling stripper career in the wake of a human tragedy, the Long Island Lolita issued a press release claiming that she would donate “a portion of her earnings” from her gig this weekend to Haiti’s disaster relief.

The Dumbass Award winner is this country’s first legal gigolo, “Markus.” This dumbass compared his struggle to become a legal gigolo to that of Civil Rights hero, Rosa Parks.

“Markus” said: “Basically this is the first time in the economy of the United States that a male has actually stood up and said, ‘I want to do this for a living.”‘And be protected under law to do it. It’s just the same as when Rosa Parks decided to sit at the front instead of the back. She was proclaiming her rights as a disadvantaged, African-American older woman. And I’m doing the same.”

His statement is so off base in so many ways, it’s pitiful. Rosa Parks was protesting racial injustice and inequality concerning an entire race of people. It was more than just protesting her right to sit in the front of a fucking bus. She, along with many others, helped spur passage of equal rights laws that affect this nation today. In some odd way, some may say that their fight for equality helped this dumbass have the right to be a gigolo: if a woman can be a legal hooker in Nevada why not a man. Instead of comparing himself to Rosa Parks, maybe this dumbass should thank her. Then again, if she were still alive, I hope she would look him in the eyes and say, “Get off my lawn, you dumbass.”

The Slim Jim Mother of the Year award goes to Julia E. Laack. Psycho Mom was captured on surveillance video stealing beef jerky and a lighter from a convenience store. When police came to her home, Psycho Mom told officers they couldn’t arrest her because she was going to be naked and then stripped to her underwear as her children stood by.

Police disagreed with her and while placing her under arrest, she attempted to kick one officer in the rocks and then she spit into a female officer’s mouth. As an encore, while in the police car, Psycho Mom exposed her bare ass against the rear window and told the female officer her children are going to die. Not surprisingly, she blew a 0.11 at the police station. This week Psycho Mom was sentenced to 6 months in prison for her effort.

The Adultfyi Hero Award goes to Superior Court Judge Peter Espinoza. This week the judge ruled that child rapist Roman Polanski must return to the U.S. to be sentenced in a decades-old sex case. Get your wrinkly old ass back here Roman and face the music, you creep.

She has more Dope awards than Peter North has hair plugs, so this week Janine Lindemulder is our Norman Einstein award winner. She was told as part of her parole agreement not to associate with felons, to stay out of pornography, and to live in a halfway house; she violated all three conditions.

She married convict Jeremy James Aikman, whom she met in one halfway house. She has been kicked out of two halfway houses and continues to perform in explicit nightly Webcasts, she told an Orange County court commissioner last month.

Way to go, Einstein: enjoy your four months in a halfway house in Oregon and be thankful your ass isn’t back in prison. I don’t think this recent turn of events will help in your custody battle with your ex-husband and his wife, Sandra Bullock. Fucking Genius!

Belated Birthdays – Dr. Mitchie Mitchell [58] 01/18, Ava Devine [36] 01/22, Bionca Seven [45] 01/22, Harmony Bliss [36] 01/22, Veronica Vanoza [28] 01/23

> “6 Reasons Homemade Porn is a Worse Idea Than You Think” – ‘In real porn, actors and actresses are chosen from the finest broken homes in the Midwest and given top of the line plastic surgery and full body make up.’ A funny piece. Read it here:

> Jesse James’ Marriage to Janine Was full of Violence He Says – Read the story here:

> Sean Penn in All the Kings Men Heads the Hollywood Biggest Flop List – Lucky for you that every porno ever made makes money. Read the story here:

> The Tera Patrick Book Tour Continues in Dallas – “Writing this book was cathartic. It was free therapy,” she said. Read the story here:

> Prostie/ Lap Rap Charges Dropped Against Alexia Moore’s Partner; Decision on Moore, Tuesday – Who are you going to believe: an undercover cop or a porn star? I’m betting she walks. Read the story here:

> Update: Playboy Playmate Found Dead from Drug Overdose – Appears she rode the white horse into the sunset. Read the story here:

> Manhattan judge increases bail to $3Mil on ‘You Light Up My Life’ Sex fiend – “Over the years, he has, in my view, squandered an enormous amount,”…Read the story here:

> Judge orders Polanski back to U.S. for sentencing – Read the story here:

> Celebrity Rehab: Tom Sizemore, Heidi Fleiss Re-Union; Dr. Drew Predicts He’s a Goner – Shelly Sprague wasn’t too surprised to go through the only bag he brought with him and find drugs. Read the story here:

> US Mulling Action Against Chinese Internet Restrictions – Sure, like the Chinese give a shit about our First Amendment. Read the story here:

> Two men, woman identified in adult-store armed robberies; Woman Still at Large – This dildo is presumed armed and dangerous. Read the story here:

> Markus the “Prostidude” Catching the Media’s Eye – Couldn’t Make It in the Adult Industry, But… – Despite a slow first week, the Associated Press reports that Markus’ schedule is already beginning to fill up. [Busload of blue hairs from New Jersey arrived looking for some lovin’.] Read the story here:

> David Lord Launches New Company with Environmentally Friendly Big Breast Title – Read the hype and see the tits here:

> Pulse Is Turning Japanese & Reaches Distribution Deal with Kamikaze Entertainment – Read the hype:

> CNBC: Porn is No Longer Recession Proof [Industry Sales Figures Are All B.S., Anyway] – “To paraphrase Pogo: We have met the enemy and he is us.” Read the story here:

> At Least One Video Store Buyer Drops Jules Jordan Product – Read the story here:

> Gay ‘Big Brother’ reject; now a porn wannabe – “I dove in head first… literally.” Read the story here:

> ‘Making Porn’ Comedy About The Gay Adult Film Industry – Read the hype:

> AdultFYI’s Dope of the Year Janine Ordered Back to Half-Way House For Being in Porn, etc. – She was ordered to spend four months in a halfway house in Oregon Read the story here:

> Stripper Exposes Herself in New Blog – Read the hype:

> Shauna Sand Sells Sex Tapes Down by the Seashore – She must have been paid by Vivid in product. Read the story here:

> Pol who Wanted to Crack Down on the Adult Entertainment Industry is Now Being Investigated – “It (the money) had no bearing on that bill,” said Jetton, a Republican. Read the story here:

> Another Disney World Employee Busted for Kiddie Porn- Check Out the Other Stories – He was placed on administrative leave and locked up without bond at the Osceola County Jail. Read the story here:

> The New York Papers Are Lovin’ The Alexia Moore Prostie Trial Calling It Wacky XXX Looniness – But Undercover No. 1048 will spend today on the witness stand insisting…Read the story here:

> Update: Fred Garvin, Deuce Bigalow Move Over- Country’s first legal gigolo starts work in Nevada – The Shady Lady Ranch successfully won state and county approval…Read the story here:

> Former sex-trade worker takes on Canada’s sex laws – “My experiences in sex work are still as valid today as they are for other sex workers who are working right now.” Read the story here:

> The Deep Throat Energy Drink now has a Top Ten Brand Traffic Ranking on – Buy a 12 pack on Amazon for $40.00 and read the hype here:

> Mary Carey in a Philly Radio Station’s Celebration of Gluttony – I bet she could eat her weight in Buffalo wings. Read the hype here:

> Update: Linda Lovelace Script Draws from Eric Danville’s Bio – “Linda is this fascinating character who continually reinvented herself and her story based on changing circumstances.” That’s a fancy way of calling her a liar. Read the story here:

> LIC strip club “Scandals” sues city a Second Time after losing ruling – And the lawyers get rich. Read the story here:

> Under Tight Security, Cop Testifies at Alexia Moore Prostie Trial – “They told me they were going to use this bed,” he testified. Read the story here:

> Valkyria Studios Replies to Kelly Moon – ‘None of our models have ever complained of anything improper …’ Read it here:

> Vanessa Blue Hosts Heatwave Live Sunday January 24th – See her tits [nice] and read the hype here:

> Valkyria Studios Wants You to “Audition” – I smell something fishy and this time it isn’t Sasha Grey’s twat. Read the alert citizen report here:

> More on the Alexia Moore Trial Developments – A stupid story that will not end. Read it here:

> Playboy Cuts Tanning Products Deal – I understand Playboy wanted an endorsement deal with Uncle Gene, but they couldn’t afford him. Read the story here:

> Ron Jeremy Dead Wrong in His Attack of Video Games? – Read two different, but equally stupid, points of view here:

> The Alexia Moore Prostie Case: DA Fears “Lesbian” Defense – I guess part of the defense in a hooker trial is to make your client look as raggedy and unappealing as possible. Read the story here:

> Linda Lovelace getting her own movie biopic – Does anyone under the age of 45 even remembers who she is? Read the story here:

> Berlusconi Law May Ban Daytime Porn, Hurt Murdoch’s Sky Italia – Read the story here:

> Selling Sex: The “Other” Shiny Plastic Disc Business – A great article. Read it here:

> Porn Dialers Take Smartphone Surfers by Surprise With Massive Bills – Read the story here:

> Simultaneous DVD / Blu-ray Release Announced For Anton Slayer’s Not Really the Dukes of Hazard – Read the hype:

> Playboy Magazine Could Move To L.A. – New York Post reports that editor Jimmy Jellinek [pictured] is a frequent flier to L.A., where he meets with the boss. Read the story here:

> Judge says ‘grammar glitch’ not enough to stop Alexia Moore Prostie trial – Ooops! The dipshits outsmarted themselves. Read the story here:

> Greensboro files lawsuit to shut down strip club – “This temporary restraining order is the first step in the nuisance abatement process,” Turner said in a phone interview. No, really, society loves adult businesses. Read the story here:

> Watch ‘Heidi Fleiss: Hollywood Madam’ Documentary Online – I think I’d rather have Stevie Wonder shave my nut sack. Read the story here:

> Flynt’s Attorneys Demand Nephews Hand Over Websites – Read the hype here:

> Penthouse has $32 million in cash on hand, $650 million in liabilities With a $45M Note Due in July – In plain English: they’re fucked. Read the story here:

> In the Internet TV race, Boxee and Roku could get a boost from adult video – Read the wishful thinking here:

> Is Online Gaming Killing Porn? – “Fans jerk off to porn and are done, but you can keep playing a game.” Read the story here:

> Update: Judge to Make Ruling in Alexia Moore Prostie Case – The purportedly glitchy grammar in the charges…Read the story here:

> When It Comes to Piracy, Vivid and Jules Jordan Talk a Good Game, But….- ‘I have sent emails to 3 different people at Vivid Video and I got no response.’ Read the letter to the editor here:

> Zero Tolerance and Doing Porn Version of The Hangover – Thank God Hollywood’s creative or else the porn industry wouldn’t have any movies to make. Read the hype:

> Courtney Cummz directs a new movie, makes signing appearance and blogs for – Read the hype and see her hot body here:

> Judge says he can’t force plaintiff to talk About Porn Tape in Joe Francis case – Read the story here:

> Big Porn Boys and Anti-Trust – ‘The assholes like Hirsch, Ornstein and the rest of the flock had intentionally violated anti-trust laws.’ Good luck finding a sympatric ear from the government. Read the story here:

> Showgirl Schevelle Now Appearing in Print and On the Air – Read the latest installment of Gulliver’s travels here:

> Employee Suing Pleasure Productions, IVD Over Alleged Sexual Harasssment, Threats of Violence – Read the story here:

> Alexia Moore Hopes to Beat Prostie Rap on a Verbal Technicality – Pulling the ol’ Bill Clinton defense. Read the story here:

> New Sensations Holding Public Casting Call for A “Big Lebowski” parody – Read the hype:

> Porn Parkway Gettin’ Kind of Crowded; Zero Tolerance & PopPorn Do Their Version of Jersey Shore – Read the hype:

> Taryn Thomas Finishes Production of ‘Jersey Shore XXX: A Porn Parody’ & Returns to Jersey – Read the hype:

> Professor Threatens Law Student, Tells Him He Needs Psychiatric Help for Working in the Adult Industry – He takes it in the moon. Read the story here:

> Creates $2500 Dating Encounters YouTube Contest – Read the hype:

> Brandon Iron Begins Moving Some Of His Platinum X Titles To JM – Read the hype:

> Does Dallas 30th Anniversary Definitive Collectors Edition Receives AVN Lauds – Hey, Sasha, it has a plot AND music. Read the hype:

> Porn Parody: Who Stole Roger Rabbit – Who gives a flip…Read the hype:

> Schevelle: Batman Breaks My AVN Cherry – Gulliver’s travels continue here:

> Update: Playboy CEO’s Master Plan: Saucy Clubs, Partnerships And Price Hikes – And while its hardcore investments made money for a while, free porn and online movies have now destroyed its market. Read the story here:

> Hustler Announces Parody Lineup for 2010 Including This Ain’t Avatar XXX – Read the hype:

> The Pros and Cons of Roxxxy the Robot – Mostly Cons – She sounds like she still has a better personality than most porn chicks. Read the story here:

> Photos of “Porn Star” on male escort Web site at center of lawsuit Filed by Liberty Media – Those darn copy rights…Read the story here:

> From Penthouse: Supertail and the Evil Wang – Read the hype:

> One of the Women Suing Joe Francis May Have Been in Porno – She’s a real rocket surgeon. Read the story here:

> Kagney Linn Karter On Cover of Private Dancer With Photos, Insightful Interview – Taught herself to split an adam in her basement. Read the hype and see her tits here:

> Update: Amateur Porn Chick’s Phony HIV Scare But Prosecutor Doesn’t See a Crime – And the prosecutor is an idiot. Read the story here:

> Kimber James Wins Transsexual Performer of the Year at AVN Awards – Read the hype:

> Lawyer proposes strip club in South Tahoe casino corridor – Read the story here:

> Legislation would banish strip clubs in Guam – “Left unchecked, Guam’s image as a wholesome leisure resort destination will lose its appeal…” Read the story here:

> Christy Marks Voted Model of the Decade – Read the hype and see her tits here:

> “Looking back at the AVN porn awards” – Riveting stuff:

> Discovery Channel Tells the Story of Kenny Gallo – Read more here:

> New Times in Legal Tiff with SF Bay Guardian Over Alleged Price Fixing – Read the story here:

> Jules “The Legend” Jordan In Denial? – “My advice would be to not feed the troll, and I’m not just calling him a troll because he’s 4 foot tall.” Read the post here:

> Adam & Eve’s “Tyler’s Wood” Now Available on Video On Demand – And the cheap Tiger Woods parodies begin to role out. Read the hype here:

> America’s First Legal Male Prostitute Worked in the Adult Industry – Just as full of shit as his female counterparts. Read the interview here:

> Annette Schwarz: Porn Award Shows “Always the Same Bullshitting”; Porn Parodies “Unsexy” – “when someone that drinks piss for a living starts trying to spread their wisdom around…” Read the post here:

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply