Sean Looks at the Week of 12/27/2009 in Review: The Wit and Wisdom of Tera Patrick

Sean from writes: You want straight, no nonsense journalism, you stick with Adultfyi….now on Facebook.

The Dope of the Week Award winner is TMZ. After getting their asses kicked by with their coverage of Tiger Woods’ bimbo eruptions, these dopes needed to recapture the gossip headlines. They made a splash by publishing a black & white photo of what they claimed was then Senator John Kennedy on a yacht surrounded by a bunch of frolicking nude women. To bring credibility to their story they even mentioned that the photo had been analyzed by ‘”multiple experts,” including a forensic photo expert and two unnamed JFK biographers.’

It now appears that their “forensic photo expert” must have been Mr. Magoo because it turns out the photo, printed in color, actually was from a photo spread that appeared in the November 1967 issue of Playboy. The photo appeared in a story about Playboy’s “Charter Yacht Party: How to Have a Ball on the Briny with an Able-Bodied Complement of Ship’s Belles.”

TMZ should stick to taking pictures of celebrities walking the red carpet and leave trash journalism to the experts. Enjoy your trophy, you dopes.

The coveted Bull Shit Award, given to those individuals who exhibit extraordinary talent in shoveling the bovine excrement, is awarded this week to Tera Patrick.

Writing in her book the reason for her divorce to Evan Seinfeld she wrote: “I said to Evan, ‘I’m your wife, and that is the strongest bond two people should have, and that should come first. I’ve moved on from porn. And I want you to stop. You promised me you’d only do porn for a few years. Your few years are up.'” Isn’t that heartwarming?

During a later interview when asked to comment on the Tiger Woods saga she said: “Well, every guy cheats. Why not get a little on the side? Accept that, and you’re fine.” Later in that same interview, she was asked to give advice for someone entering the jizz bizz she said, “Treat it like a business.”

What have we learned from the sage wit and wisdom from Ms. Patrick? First, it is okay to cheat on your spouse as long as her name isn’t Tera Patrick. Therefore, fucking someone on film shouldn’t be considered cheating since porn is a business. That is, unless, you’re spouse is named Tera Patrick and she’s jealous of you fucking hot looking chicks. Accept that, and you’re fine.

The Better Late than Never award goes to Skeeter Kerkove.

Skeeter called Gene this week to relate a story concerning Tiger and his ex wife, Bridgette Kerkove. “The press has completely missed a story about Tiger Woods,” Skeeter told Gene: noting that back when she was the anal queen of the adult business, his ex wife was taking on all comers, including Tiger Woods, apparently. “Back then everybody wanted to fuck the anal queen Bridgette Kerkove in the ass,” says Skeeter.

According to Skeeter, madam Michelle Braun set up the meeting and Bridgette flew to New York to meet Woods at a hotel. Skeeter also pointed out that a lot of girls in the industry were doing Woods at the time and Bridgette was probably just one of many.

The Woods story broke in late November and Skeeter is just reporting his story now. Amazing, I guess he wanted to wait till after the big Tiger Woods’ bimbo Christmas rush. Enjoy your trophy, Skeeter. However, it may arrive about a month late.

This week’s winner of the Norman Einstein Award is Joey Delbert Midgett. While enjoying drugs and alcohol, Einstein’s girlfriend shot a sex video with another guy. Of course, Einstein didn’t get pissed at his girlfriend.

No, he wanted to save his two-timing girlfriend’s good name and decided to retrieve said tape from her movie making sex partner. Well, police reports indicate when Einstein approached her onscreen partner and demanded the tape wherein Einstein was told to go fuck himself. Einstein took offence and popped the guy in the melon with a .45. Sheriff’s detectives have charged Einstein with first-degree murder and armed burglary. His girlfriend remains free to continue whoring while this Einstein sits in jail.

Belated Birthdays – Alexis Amore 12/29, Blake Mitchell [47] 12/29, Angela Baron [47] 12/31, Delta White [28] 12/31, Holly Halston [35? Really?] 12/31, Jada Stevens [21] 12/31, Kaylan Nicole [37] 12/31, Kiara Diane [22] 12/31, Sinnamon Love [36] 12/31

> The Year in Review Continues: The Michael Ninn-John Gray Legal Fracas; Crazy Cabbie Tape Fiasco –

> Q&A: Tera Patrick – “I’m No Different than Any Other Hot Chick” – At least she still has her humility. Read the interview here:

> AdultFYI Continues theYear in Review: Michelle Avanti in the Valley of the Dolls –

> Continuing the Year in Review: The Great Octomom Offer; Shawna Lenee Puts the Hex on Opie & Anthony –

> AdultFYI Continues The Year in Review; Stormy Storms Off NBC Lot; Meet the World’s Youngest Tranny –

>Taryn It Up Entertainment to Produce ‘Jersey Shore XXX’ – Read the hype here:

> Report: Shooting death traces back to sex tape – Sounds like some crazy redneck love story. Read it here:

> Schevelle’s G String Chronicles: They Got Ponies In Alabama – Read Gulliver’s travels here:

> Kathy Griffin F-Bombs on CNN’s New Years; See the Clip –

> AdultFYI Continues The Year in Review; Shawna Lenee Blew Guys for Meth; Arrow C&D’s Vivid –

> Exotic dancers arrested during raid at San Antonio strip clubs Where Nudity is Illegal – “Some weren’t aware that it’s illegal.” Read the story here:

> Allred Gets a Tiger Mystery Client – The new woman has had a multi-year affair with Woods, is in her 40s, but looks much younger and is extremely attractive. I’m guessing she’s Caucasian with blonde hair. Read the story here:

> Here’s a Shocker: Lawsuit Claims Hefner Prefers Younger Women – Fired the battleaxe after she turned 47. Read the story here:

> AdultFYI Continues to Look at the Year in Review- Janine Tells Howard Stern She Sucks Tranny Cock – Gene continues his review here:

> Nyomi Banxxx to host AVN Party in Vegas on Thursday Jan 7th – Read the hype:

> Tanner Mayes Welcomes in 2010 with Multiple Best New Starlet Awards –Goes along with her multiple personalities. Read the hype here:

> AdultFYI Looks at the Year Past; Tera Patrick: “The Last Eskimo On Earth Knows Who I Am” To Be Cont’d –

> AEBN Announces Winners of 2010 VOD Awards; Bree Olson Performer of the Year –

> Donny Long Say He’s Done with Performing and Directing – Travel the world and enjoy retirement, he says. Read the story here:

> Gay porn highlights of 2009 – Read the story here:

> XBIZ Nominates Lisa Ann for Performer of the Year – She’s the best they could come up with? Read the hype:

> Article: Federal Judges Get Away with Murder, Almost; No One Calls Them on the Carpet – Read the story here:

> Vanessa Blue’s Back With An Exciting New Program – Read the hype here:

> UK’s Porn twins Kit and Kat are tops with web surfers – Read the story here:

> “Worst Job Ever Shockingly Involves Porn”- Looking for “temporary stage custodian” – One step above the mop man in the jack-off booth? Read the story here:

> Debi Diamond To Induct Kylie Ireland Into Legends of Erotica; Hosting Two Parties – Read the hype:

> “New Travel Trend: Porn Vacations”; [Psssst: It’s Not a New Trend] – Read the story here:

> Update: Charlie Sheen’s Not a Psycho? Kelly Preston was Shot But Charlie Claims It was an Accident – Shot in the leg or maybe the arm…conflicting stories. Read the story here:

> The Charlie Sheen Rap Sheet- Crimes At Least That We Know Of – Tiger Woods without the violence.

> Joanna Angel to Sign Autographs and Meet fans at Hot Movies Booth – Read the hype:

> “The iPhone Really Needs To Get Some Better Porn Apps” – Read the story here:

> Verne Gagne’s Granddaughter Gail In Court For Alleged Sex With Student- Will Plead Not Guilty – The curse of Gagne…Read the story here:

> Bobbi Starr Nom’d With Mainstream Personalities for Wired’s Sexy Geek of 2009 – Read the hype:

> Man Sues Prostitute/Stripper Wife for $30 Mil; Sez She Gave Him HIV and Blames Canada for It – Mr. William’s accuses Immigration Canada and asks how can someone with HIV be admitted to Canada as an immigrant? Read the story here:

> From the Damn You Verne Gagne Wrestling Files: Steve ‘Dr. Death’ Williams Passes Away – Appears Dr. Death is now making house calls. Read the story here:

> Graphic sex and nudity don’t sell at the movies, study finds – Study also found that a movie starring Sasha Gray makes billions. Read the story here:

> XPT Thread: Jeffery Douglas Lies in XBIZ interview – Fishbein didn’t say it so it must be false. Read the post here:

> State Rep. Ed Emery, senators pushing porn shop regulations in Jasper County, Missouri – Your tax dollars at work. Read the story here:

> Hot-to-Trot Teach Sentenced to 20 Years for Seducing 13-Year-Old Student – Her husband is just as crazy as she is. Read the story here:

Sean’s Hot Teach Fuck Scale: a 10…she looks like all women after I’ve had sex with them.

> Larry Flynt Wins Big – Read the results of his lawsuit against his nephews here:

> The Late Marilyn Chambers Remembered as porn’s first and arguably best-known mainstreamer – Sasha Gray should memorize this article….because it’s her life. Read the story here:

> skinworXXX Forms Rock Star Public Relations & Management – Read the hype here:

> XBIZ Recognizes Seth Gamble in 2010 Award Noms for New Male Performer of the Year Award – Read the hype here:

> AFYI Looks at the Year in Review: The Curse of Vegas- Planning a Wedding at AEE? Fuhgeddaboudit – If you’re planning to get married during AEE or perhaps renewing your vows as Seinfeld and Patrick did last year at AEE, you’re doomed. Read Gene’s commentary here:

> Olivia Newton-John’s Daughter, Chole Lattanzi Collapses outside LA strip club – A boozed up D-list celebrity falls down outside a strip club….alert the press!!! Read the story here:

> Feed The Children Charity President Took Bribes, Hid Penthouse, Playboy Porn, Lawsuit Claims – Claims he needed the porn to write a book about AIDS in Africa. Okay, cowboy, whatever. Read the story here:

> Porn Valley Observed: Kagney Linn Karter Best Newcomer of 2009- We’ll Go Along with That – Read the hype and see her ass here:

> Rap Sheet Reveals Brooke Mueller Not So Innocent- Cocaine Possession and DUI’s – Yeah, over eight years ago. Read the story here:

> It’s now Tiger vs. Tiger in the Battle of the Porn Spoofs – Soon there will be more porn flicks than Tiger bimbos. Read the story here:

> Allred to Alleged Extortionist’s Attorney: How Dare You [For Suggesting That She’s Also an Extortionist] – Read the story here:

> According to New California Law, Prosties and/or Their Drivers will Have Their Cars Impounded – A motor vehicle can be declared to be a public nuisance and impounded for up to 30 days… Read the story here:

> 27th Annual AVN Awards January 9th, 2010 at the Pearl Concert Theater; A Bargain at 3 Bills a Pop – With that ticket you get the chance to see a porn star piss herself before she passes out. Read the hype here:

> Outback Steakhouse To Pay $19 M To Settle Sex-Bias Lawsuit – “There are still too many glass ceilings…” Read the story here:

> Dana DeArmond Makes Mainstream Video Appearance; See the Clip – In a music video for some garage band I guess. Read the hype:

> Jenna Jameson Breach of Contract Lawsuit Dismissed – Read the story here:

> 2009’s high-profile rape cases – Read the story here:

> Ben Dover’s Back… & Pure Play Media Has It – Read the hype:

> Ira Isaacs to Ask 9th Circuit’s Full Panel to Rehear Case; Vows to go to U.S. Supreme Court – Read the press release here:

> Immoral Productions Announces Plans for AAE/AVN – Read the hype:

> Tiger Woods Sex scandal cost shareholders up to $12 billion? BS We Say –

> Bengals cheerleader sues TheDirty website Over STD Insinuations – Her ex-boyfriend, who “cheated on her with over 50 girls in 4 years. Tiger…Bengals…Bengal Tigers…I’m not saying, I’m just saying. Read the story here:

> Eva Angelina To Begin Shooting Again For Other Companies – Read the hype [again] here:

> Is Charlie an OJ in Training? – Charlie can say all he wants in his defense, but I don’t think he’s changed much… Read Gene’s commentary here:

> Porn History 101: A role for Charlie Sheen in XXX star Chloe Jones’ death? He Didn’t Deny It – Sheen’s rep said they wouldn’t address these allegations specifically. Read the story here:

> Sheen to Cops: Argument Started Over a Song; Tells Wife I Know People Who Can Make You Disappear – Mueller says she was in pain and afraid she was going to die while Sheen’s hand was on her throat. Read the story here:

> Pornstarville Party at Studio 54 in MGM After AVN Awards – If you’re a nobody, tickets are $30 a head. Hey, you never know, maybe some porn starlet will puke on your shoes. Read the hype here:

> Offers Industry Leading 24/7 Customer Service – I wonder if some guy from India will diagnose what’s wrong with your pocket rocket over the phone. Read the hype here:

> 2009 Sexaminer Awards: Axis Hitachi by Liberator, Sex Toy of the Year – Read the hype here:

> MPAA Lawsuit: Torrent Search Engines Unlawful, U.S. Judge Says – Read the story here:

> Charlie Sheen Knife Attack Triggered By Wife Wanting a Divorce – Read the story here:

> Oasis Strip-club lawsuit in limbo a year later – Read the story here:

> Former Beauty Queen Claiming to Be a Sex Crime Victim Was a Big Scam Artist – I wonder if she and Shelley Lubben ever met. Read the story here:

> Transsexual Performer of the Year contender Kimber James delivers new DVD – Read the hype:

> JFK Nude Women Photo a Hoax – TMZ Gets Skunked- Story Called a “Colossal Screwup” – It was actually a photo out of an old Playboy. Read the story here:

> Roku Adds EroticVision To Channels Offered – Read the hype:

> Groups Protest Kiddie Porner Pete Townshend Appearance at the Super Bowl – Who? Read the story here:

> Alice Schiller, Impresaria of Striptease, Dies at 95 – Owned the Pink Pussycat near the Sunset Strip in Los Angeles. Read the story here:

> Finland to sell Sex toys in supermarkets – Let’s see…that’s a gallon of milk, a head of lettuce, and a Cunt Buster 4000. That’ll be $26.59, please. Read the story here:

>J oe Francis Sues Gawker Over Douchebag of the Year Award- For Calling Him a “Rapist” – Print a retraction and the case is closed. Lighten up, Francis. Read the story here:

> Michael Lucas Is Looking For Someone To Write His Memoirs – I suggested Donny Long or Craig Valentine: their words just flow off the page. Read the story here:

> Eva Angelina To Begin Shooting Again For Other Companies – Read the hype:

> Naked sexy women on a yacht with JFK and Ted Kennedy? – Read the story here:

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