Sean Looks at The Week of 3/25/2012; Bill Margold Wins The Coup D’Etat Award

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We don’t make the news, we just exploit it.

The Coup d’état award goes to Wild Bill Margold and the Band of Renown.

The walls of the King’s castle started to shake this week when it was revealed by the industry’s favorite southern fried cracker, Mike South, that the current head of XRCO, King Dirty Bob Krotts, dared to accept .XXX blood money in exchange for sponsoring the XRCO’s annual circle-jerk, better known as the XRCO Awards.

Like a shark sensing blood in the water, founding member of the XRCO, Wild Bill Margold, proclaimed that the West coast is going to take back XRCO and return it to its rightful owners.

“While we won’t eliminate him from it, we’ll just put him in a minor role. [King] Dirty Bob has now overextended his stay. [King] Dirty Bob is not the XRCO. He just happens to be a man who was given the XRCO and now it’s time to take it back. But how do you not know what’s going on?”

Margold then answers his own question: “[King] Dirty Bob’s a whore. He’ll sell out to anybody.”

In an attempt to make peace between the five families, [Don] Steve Nelson proposed an idea to make Tod Hunter the new king of XRCO, tossing a bone to Margold by making him an adviser to the XRCO Hall of Fame while they all serve up King Dirty Bob’s head on a platter at their next banquet.

This entire time, King Dirty Bob is issuing mea culpa upon mea culpa to anyone who’ll listen by announcing he plans to return .XXX’s Judas money. Then like any good king, he goes on to explain the personal sacrifices he’s made for his people, I mean the XRCO awards show.

King Dirty Bob goes on to explain that he’s even taken out home equity loans to cover the expenses of past shows. Sorry, that doesn’t make him a hero that makes him a sap.

And now we wait. For as I write this, the King remains on his throne and the villagers’ torches are quietly burning out. Once again it appears a flurry of discontent slowly fades away.

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Sexy Single Mama of Two award sponsored by BackPage.com goes to Jenna Jameson.

So is Tito and Jenna’s love affair finally over? It appears so.

First things first, Jenna told OK! she stays in fabulous shape by working. That’s it, no killer workouts, no secrets, just good old-fashioned work. “Wow, um, yeah, that’s it. Just working.” Instead of working out more she added, “I just work hard.”

Jenna, whose boys are now 3, is currently single. She said she looks for honesty in a man, which has been a problem in the past.

Jenna told reporters, “Yeah, I think when it comes to men… they just lie. Boys lie. I’m sorry, boys lie.”

While it sounds like her singleton status is somewhat recent, the former star of the adult industry relies on herself to get through tough times. “Yeah, I think women just need to like rely on themselves and just be strong.”

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The Creepy Pen-Pal award goes to the adult industry’s version of an ambulance chasing lawyer, Steve ‘Papa Smurf’ Hirsch.

Apparently Papa Smurf’s odd obsession with Octomom flared up again this week when topless photos of her appeared in a British magazine.

Never tired of hearing the word ‘no’ from Octomom, Papa Smurf fired off yet another proposal to her, offering a paltry $100,000 to appear in three hardcore sex scenes — claiming, “Regrettably your market value has diminished.”

Octomom once again turned down Papa Smurf’s offer by telling TMZ.com that she’d never do porn in a million billion years.

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The Media Whore award goes to Devon James, Holly Sampson and Joslyn James.

In yet another attempt to suck off Tiger Woods, these three will star in a movie titled “3 Mistresses: Notorious Tales of the World’s Greatest Golfer.” The film is to be released Tuesday, when interest in Tiger and next week’s Masters Tournament will be peaking.

The film’s director, B. Skow, said in a press release:

“Any time three women get together to talk about the same guy, the results are going to be more than interesting. Now, when these women also happen to be adult stars that have sex for a living, and reveal they have been with the same guy, you can be sure they’ll share absolutely everything.”

Uh, does somebody want to tell this clown that he’s about 3 years late in coming out with this epic? And let’s face it, what more could possibly be told that the world hasn’t heard already?

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