The 2014 Free Speech Coalition Awards : An Epic Jerk Off Fest

So the Free Speech Awards were held on Wednesday night. We didn’t go.

Can you imagine if we did? People would’ve been shitting themselves. More than Jenna Jameson was at the XBIZ Awards Friday night. I heard she was everything everyone expected. Just a drooling mess. Jenna, you need to come to the Rob Black Rehab Center here at the Star Gardens and let be straighten you out, girl. Get you sober like me. Seriously, enough already. You’re gonna end up like Amy Winehouse. There’s your porn role model, girls. Disgusting.

We didn’t get an invite to FSC Awards. No table, no tickets, nothing. Not even a wristband for drink tickets. So we missed all the excitement.

But there’s a wrap up. Oh yes there is. Everybody’s favorite XBIZ did a little story on it. We’re glad to bring it to you. Happy to share it with all of you wonderful people. And more importantly, to comment on it. The article’s kinda long. So bear with me.

Here it is:

“FSC Awards Ceremony Honors Innovators, Leaders”

Now, we touched on this on Friday afternoon’s show about how Steven Hirsch got basically the King of the World Award. They shoulda just called it the Titanic Award. “I’m the king of the world!” That’s when they send up two of your best dick sucking friends, Christian Mann and Paul Fishbein, they put together a little blow job tribute video and everyone says you’re just an awesome guy. It’s a big ego stroke fest. We’ll get to little Stevie later.

“The Free Speech Coalition honored an accomplished group of adult industry innovators and leaders on Wednesday evening at the 2014 FSC Awards cocktail reception at the W Hotel in conjunction with the XBIZ 360 events series.”

“The awards ceremony was held in the hotel’s plush and spacious lobby, closed off to the general public, and with an attending crowd of about 150. As the honorees made their speeches, the key themes of industry innovation and unity kept, quite organically, cropping up.”

Do you guys know what innovation is? I know what unity means. It means they all jerk each other off. I don’t know what these guys have done that is so innovative. All of these people have been doing the same shit for years. It doesn’t sound like innovation. It sounds like status fucking quo.

“FSC chairman Jeffrey Douglas was this year’s master of ceremonies, kicking off the festivities at about half past 6 p.m., and immediately expressing his appreciation of this relatively brief (at under 90 minutes) but passionate annual event.  “This is one of the more pleasant evenings of the year for all of us,” he stated, “especially for me when I get to be the MC because I get to bring to your attention some of the people who’ve made such an enormous difference to our industry: both the award recipients and the people who will be giving the awards tonight.”

Jeffrey Douglas is a loser who has been sucking the tit of this industry dry for decades.

“The actual awards presentation began with Evil Angel General Manager and FSC board member Christian Mann honoring porn star (and now a director at Evil Angel) James Deen with The Positive Image Award, given to performers who’ve helped quell negative stereotypes and misconceptions connected to the adult industry.”

Don’t really know how James Deen has done that, but I guess he has. Now Christian Mann, I don’t know what the deal is with this guy. If you look at recent pictures of him he looks like he’s eaten a small child. For someone with terminal cancer who was gonna die he looks the healthiest I’ve ever seen him. My suspicion is he never had cancer or maybe he had a small melanoma or something that they removed and he said he had cancer to garner a little sympathy to deflect all of the bad press that Free Speech Coalition was receiving. He has pictures on Facebook with him getting chemo drips, some with a sad face, some where he’s looking chipper and giving the thumbs up. For someone who was on death’s door, he looks healthier than 90% of the people in the business. Hey, wouldn’t be the first time someone in our business faked it. Remember Raven Alexis? I guess she’s still kicking.

So Christian presented the award to James Deen, another awesome dude he says that life in porn is the greatest thing in the world and tells his “Deenagers” that when they grow up they can get their assholes fucked by him and get the shit beaten out of them on Kink.com sets. What a positive image that is.

Christian had a few words to say about Deen:

“Someone accused (James) of being a media whore,” the typically light-hearted Mann saidd. “But an argument can be made that in doing that, in being a media whore, James has also been a terrific ambassador and representative for our industry.”

“I’ve had the pleasure,” Mann added, “of working with James in tandem with the Free Speech Coalition and I want to tell you, this is a guy who cares about our industry. He’s in for the long haul. He’s never going to abandon us.”

Christian, who has abandoned you? He says Deen is in for the “long haul.” You bet he’s in porn for the long haul, because he ain’t making it in Hollywood, that’s for sure. Not unless there are some more burned out queens out there doing Kickstarter funded movies that do 50 thousand dollars. The Canyons grossed 50K. I’ve done several porn movies that have made more than that.

James Deen says:

“Thank you to everyone in the adult film industry that gives me reason to say all of the things I say and validates all of my positive comments. It’s very nice to see on a daily basis that when I say, ‘We look out for each other’ and ‘We care for each other’ and ‘There’s a community and a support system’ and things like that that it gets constantly reaffirmed… confirmed… words… Thank you. I’m gonna leave now.”

Awww that’s so cute. James is like a cuddly koala bear. No wonder the Deenagers little pussies get all wet. I’m getting a little moist myself.

Let’s continue:

“Next up, two back-to-back trophies were presented: The Man of the Year and Woman of the Year Awards, given to business professionals who’ve exhibited leadership in creating solid businesses in their communities. Eldorado Trading Company founder/CEO and FSC board member, Larry Garland, presented this year’s Man of the Year Award to Pipedream’s Nick Orlandino and Woman of the Year Award to Honey’s Place owner Bonnie Feingold.”

Bonnie Feingold. Remember her? Ms. Jewy Jewson. (inside joke) Nick Orlandino is the guy that Paul Fishbein said was a bully. A thug. Yeah. Come be a thug to me Nick, I’ll fuck you where you breathe. Larry Garland is another johnny-come-lately with a johnny-come-lately company.

Larry Garland presented the Man of the Year Award to Nick Orlandino. Nick’s most famous toy line is one called Extreme. If you look at the logo, it’s exactly like the one tattooed on my arm. He basically stole my logo and created a line called Extreme. Yeah Nick, real innovator you are. This Extreme was hardcore and kickin ass in this business and going to prison when you were looking for chump change. But it’s your time now. Enjoy it while it lasts. It won’t last long if you continue to copy other people, Mr. Innovator.

“I have the distinct honor of presenting this award to a man whom I’ve known for decades, ever since he was more of a boy than a man,” Garland said of Orlandino. “And I think this is the only award he hasn’t won yet.”

More of a boy? Hmmm… OK Larry.

“A member of FSC for more than 20 years, as well as having previously served on the Coalition’s Board of Directors, Orlandino was visibly gratified by the honor. “I believe in what the FSC does,” he impressed during his short but potent speech. “It’s really important to all of us. And, let me tell you, without them, we probably wouldn’t be here right now. So I want to say ‘thank you’ to Free Speech, thank you to the industry, and I love you all.”

We wouldn’t be here without Free Speech? Yeah. You really know about this business. Back in the 80’s when my dad was busting heads in this business where was Nick Orlandino? In the 90’s when I was busting heads where was Nick Orlandino? Was there a Pipedreams? In 94 was there Pipedreams? I dunno, I guess Rob Black is outta the loop. I guess he was out there banging it up against Doc Johnson for all these years. He’s another johnny-come-lately that started a company that nobody gave a shit about until he came out with a line called Extreme. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he was mixing it up with Reuben Sturman and banging his old lady like Ron Braverman. Who knows?

He used to hang out with Rob Spallone and Steve Volponi like they were the Bonnano crime family. I never heard of Nick Orlandino until about the last 10 years or so. The big innovator who sold rubber dicks and pussies called Extreme. OK.

“The presentation of the Woman of the Year Award to Bonnie Feingold was slightly more involved. As Susan Colvin—California Exotic Novelties founder and a close personal friend of Feingold’s—could not attend, a brief video message from Colvin was shown. During the video, Colvin sincerely stated how impressed she was to witness Feingold over the years take over Honey’s Place from Bonnie’s very ill, now deceased, mother, who was the company’s founder.”

“You jumped in there with both feet,” Colvin said. “You worked 120 hours a week, moved the company, and turned it into the vibrant (business) that it is today. Every year you do something new: You stay up with the times. Your mother would be so proud of you. I am proud and I know everyone else is, too. You’re an incredible woman. Congratulations.”

“After Colvin’s introduction itself received a loud round of applause, Ron Braverman of Doc Johnson adult-toy company fame—as well as having been FSC’s original treasurer and one of its founders—finally presented the award to Feingold.”

No, Ron Braverman stole the company from Reuben Sturman and stole Reuben’s wife. The “founder” of Doc Johnson. Way to go baby. And I guess Susan Colvin couldn’t make the trip. If it were another time and another place, Reuben would’ve had Braverman clipped. He would’ve been taking a dirt nap. But that’s what happen when you go away and everyone that you gave a living to steals you blind and leaves you to die in prison.

“A lot of the people who came into the business around that time that Bonnie did,” Braverman emphasized, “didn’t understand the purpose of Free Speech. They didn’t understand some of the battles that we went through. But, Bonnie, one of the things everyone in this room should thank you for is remembering the commitment to Free Speech, the commitment that you’ve made, and the commitment that you’ve continued with—and we all thank you for it.”

“Once up on stage with her award, Feingold gave a heartfelt speech: “Growing up with my mother in the industry and seeing the battles that other people fought. I understand the importance of the FSC, and I’ve always been a supporter ever since I joined the industry. When I came into the industry, I just knew Ron… Susan… and a few others. But the support I got was amazing. They gave me an opportunity to prove myself. Everybody did. And that’s why I really love this industry and what it does. It really is truly a community.”

OK great. Next up was Bob Christian.

“Bob Christian, the general manager of Adam and Eve and current treasurer of the FSC Board, presented the Pleasure Products Company of the Year Award to California Exotic Novelties. The award, he stated, is presented to the pleasure products company exhibiting “unwavering innovation and excellence” while also practicing their business with “high ethical standards and integrity.”

“Christian further cited that the female-owned and –operated California Exotic Novelties “has (not only) utilized their female expertise to make its mark in the pleasure products industry,” but the company has also been “exemplary in its community service and outreach.” One example he noted regarding such service was the Cal Exotics team raising more than $36,000 last November for The Walk of Hope to benefit women’s cancer treatment and research. Christian also pointed out that when Measure B (the Los Angeles County law, imposing the mandatory use of condoms on all adult-film sets) was passed last year, Cal Exotics was the first adult company to step forward and offer a donation to help fund the litigation to fight the “onerous law.”
“Cal Exotics,” Christian said, “is a perfect example of a successful business that gives back to its community and supports and advocates for the rights of people in the industry.”

OK the 36K for the cancer thing, I’m totally down for and it’s a good tax write off for Susan. But to fund against a measure that protects talent in the business, 80% of whom are women where they have to fuck without rubbers, get diseases and have no healthcare is kinda shitty. Another example of someone not in the firing line making health decisions for performers. What she should’ve done is take that 36 thousand write off and the money blown on fighting the condom law and set up a system where the women in the business could get checkups, pap smears and mammograms. Instead, she pays for women to get sexually transmitted diseases. She should’ve set up an after porn program that helps women when their careers are finished. Now that would have been something to help the women in the business.

Instead, she supports all these corporate assholes in the business and for a tax write off sends money for breast cancer, which is a no brainer. She should’ve taken the money and helped the people in the business who need it, the 20 something year old women. Would that have been too difficult? Or would you have not gotten any support for that because the guys in the business would have told you to shut your fucking hole?

“Accepting Novelty Company of the Year Award on behalf of its CEO Susan Colvin was Al Bloom, director of marketing for California Exotics. In his acceptance speech, Bloom informed everyone that Colvin was visiting China, ergo her absence: “As you all know, Susan and California Exotics has been a consistent support of the FSC since its inception, and I can swear to that, because I was there. If Susan were her tonight, she would simply say, “Thank you, Free Speech Coalition. Keep up the good work.”

Al Bloom used to be with Doc Johnson before he got his ass fired. I can’t understand why Susan would plan a trip to China when she’s supposed to get this prestigious award. Why China? Seems strange considering she had to have known for months that she was getting this big honor. Maybe she’s sick. The angel of death seems to hang around evil people a lot. Maybe she’s “knock knock knockin on heaven’s dooowor.”

Who’s next?

“Retailer of the Year Award went to Lion’s Den chain of adult stores for its many years as a leading retailer of adult products, innovative marketing and ethical standards for customer service. Joel Kaminsky, CEO of Good Vibrations sex shops, as well as FSC board member, presented the award to Lion’s Den.”

“There are three different types of people in the world: those who makes things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened,” Kaminsky said. “And Lion’s Den has always been there to make things happen when it comes down to the legal fronts of this industry and protecting the freedoms which should just naturally be afforded to us. ‘No’ is not in their vocabulary.”

“Kaminski noted how Lion’s Den fought against injustices levied against strip clubs in the past, as well as heroically stood their ground against billboard legislation and zoning restrictions.”

“Mike Moran, the company’s CEO, was not present since he had “moved South for the winter,” according to Lion’s Den Senior Vice President, Mark Miller, who accepted the award.”

“Mike certainly wanted to pass on his thanks on behalf of himself and the entire Moran family,” Miller said. “He used the words ‘humbled’ and ‘honored’ to describe how he felt about receiving this (award). He wanted to make everyone know how important it is to him, the efforts of the Free Speech Coalition and the ASACP (Association of Sites Advocating Child Protection). They’ve meant the world to Mike over the years. And continue to fight for their causes.”

“Miller then looked out into the crowd and said: “I see most of you are product partners, both novelty and video. Without the stuff that you bring to us, we wouldn’t have the success that we have.”

“He finally thanked Lion’s Den corporate staff and its approximately 300 store employees, labeling them the most important people in their company because, “They’re out there touching our customers every day.”

Mike Moran moved south for the winter? What is he, a fuckin bird? Where’d he go, the South Pole? This guy is a CEO of a multi-million dollar company and he couldn’t make it out to Cali? Man, there’s a lot of lame excuses for not showing up here. Come up with a better reason fer crissakes. My dad moves to Florida for the winter. But the motherfucker travels all the time to California, to his condo in the Bahamas. There’s a thing called airplanes, Mike. They fly in the air. Might wanna look into that. And if you’re scared to fly, they got these things called cars that go “vroom! vroom!” and they’ll get you there. And they got these things called trains that go “choo! choo!”

You would think that a guy who runs a company that has 300 employees could figure out how to get a first class plane ticket and get from the south to the west and pick up a fucking award. Get picked up in a limo, be driven down to the show and say, “Hey, thanks!” get back in the limo and get in a plane and fly back to the south. It’s the most retarded excuse I’ve ever heard.

In Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Steve Martin and John Candy managed to get back in time for Christmas. But a CEO couldn’t figure it out? Are there no planes in the South Pole? I guess they only fly out once a month.

You know what I think? I think Mike Moran was just too embarrassed to be seen with those Free Speech assholes and he told them to take that award and shove it up their asses. He said, “I’m in Florida right now enjoying the beautiful weather and I’m done with you assholes.” That’s what I think. But hey, what do I know?

Oh man, this is funny.

“Production Company of the Year Award went to gay studio, Hot House Entertainment, founded by Steven Scarborough, who accepted the award, presented to him by attorney Karen Tynan.”

Hey, I didn’t know Joe Scarborough had relatives making gay porn! A former US congressman who hosts a show on MSNBC called Morning Joe has a relative doing fag movies? Why hasn’t the mainstream media picked up on this? Is Joe gonna have to do one of those tearful mea culpa apologies and resign? I hope not, I kinda like ol Joe.

Karen Tynan is the soccer mom attorney who recently lost the case against Treasure Island Media for not using condoms. She presents an award to Hot House. Nothing else really needs to said about that. She presents the award for Joe’s cousin Steven. Cool.

“Said Tynan: “Hot House was a leader in Sacramento and San Francisco against AB 332 (the statewide bill which would require condom use on adult-film sets), Steven rallied the troops and we made great headway in Sacramento. He called in personal favors to get us meetings with legislators and legislative aids. Hot House made it happen.”

Yeah. Hat’s off to you honey. You’re doing a great job so far. Keep fighting.

“Upon accepting his award, Scarborough stated how humbled he was, while also impressing upon the crowd the importance of the adult industry’s stepping fighting laws created to limit their freedoms.”

“I just want to say to everybody in the room: You can make a difference… We all have to do the work.”

“Scarborough received a roaring round of applause when he stated that Hot House was able to kill AB 332 in the appropriations committee, but similarly warned that the industry must still be vigilant, visible, and unified.”

You killed the bill? What happened Friday, Stevie? You fuckstick.

“I’d like to say that the fight is over,” Scarborough added “but it’s not. They’re coming back at it again. So, please, when we call you and ask you to show up in Sacramento, please show up, because when they saw our faces, it made a difference. We need to put a face on the industry in front of the legislators. Thank you very much for the award. I appreciate it.”

You didn’t make a difference of shit, ya jag off. Stay up there in San Francisco and jerk off your little butt buddies.

“San Francisco’s Gamelink, one of the premier online adult stores, won Internet Company of the Year Award, presented by Tim Valenti, another former officer of the FSC and the CEO/founder of Naked Sword.”

“This is a company of firsts,” said Valenti. “They’re always first. There’s always innovation (at Gamelink)—and especially if you listen to the man who’s behind this company… And, believe me, I listen.”

“And it was, indeed, the man behind the company, Ilan Bunimovitz, Gamelink’s founder, who graciously accepted the trophy with no small degree of modesty. “This really belongs to all of the employees of Gamelink. We’ve been at it for over 20 years. To survive, you need to continue to innovate, and that’s what we try to do.”

Innovator of what? What do you innovate? You’re another johnny-come-lately who sells peoples movies online. Big fucking deal.

“FSC’s CEO Diane Duke presented the Benefactor of the Year Award to Wicked Pictures’ founder and president, Steve Orenstein. The Benefactor Award recognizes the unwavering support, through philanthropy and advocacy, of adult and mainstream causes.” 

“Duke cited Team Wicked’s philanthropic achievements throughout this past year, including raising more than $20,000 for The AIDS Walk LA, as well as promoting healthy sexuality workshops and, in the past, generously donating to 2257 litigation efforts. She also emphasized the importance of Wicked’s in the face of Measure B.”

‘When we had our Measure B panel here last year,” she pointed out, “Steve was one of the first people who, side-by-side with Susan Colvin, stepped up and said, ‘I want to help fund the litigation for Measure B.’”

“Orenstein began his speech in jest—“Thank you, everyone can go home now”—but then got more serious. “Free Speech always takes the heat for everything. There’s nothing that you do in that organization that comes with a congratulations and a thank you. It’s always a fight, and everyone complains that you didn’t do it the way that would make them happy. We are happy to help Free Speech. Thank you.”

You know what bugs me about Steve Orenstein? He looks like Louis CK. And I love Louis CK. I think he’s one of the best comedians out there. But it bothers me when I’m watching Louis CK and I’m thinking, “He looks like Steve Orenstein.” I look at Steve Orenstein and think, “He looks like Louis CK.” And Steve Orenstein is a jerk off.

Hey Steve, will you do me a favor? Will you shave your head? You’ve already got that thinning on top Captain Steubing thing going on. You look like Howdy Doody. Will you just shave your head and your goatee so you don’t ruin the whole Louis CK experience for me? Will you do that for me buddy? Thanks.

But the biggest bullshit is saved for the end of the night.

“The final trophy of the night the Legacy Award—recognizing innovation, successful business practices, and contributions to the industry as a whole—which was given to Vivid Entertainment founder Steve Hirsch, as presented by his close friends (for 30 years) Christian Mann and AVN founder Paul Fishbein.”

“Noted Fishbein: “Steve’s legacy, frankly, is still being written.”

“Christian Mann then casually added: “I remember once asking Steven, ‘If you could be described in one word, what would that be?’ And I really thought that he was going to say ‘successful’ or ‘driven’… maybe even ‘rich.’ But his answer was something different, and it tells a little something about Steven Hirsch, because he said ‘decent.’

Decent. Really? Steve Hirsch abandoned the child he had with Ginger Lynn. He abandoned his kid and the baby mama. He didn’t start interacting with the boy until he was almost grown. Don’t know how “decent” Steve Hirsch is. He’s the biggest piece of shit in the world.

I also love how nobody mentions David James or Bill Asher. Nobody mentions the people who handed Steven all the success that he has. Nobody mentions this. And Steve Hirsch doesn’t mention this. He’s so fucking arrogant he thinks he achieved all of his success all by himself.

“Steve is a guy whose told me things like ‘The secret to longevity in this business is to be a stand-up guy… The secret to making a deal is to make sure that both sides derive value and leave something on the table for the other side. Do the right thing—and they’ll come back for more.’ The legacy that Steven Hirsch is going to pass on, isn’t just about the success of himself or Vivid Entertainment. It’s a legacy of, as he said, decency, honesty, and integrity.”

Man, what a fucking blow job dick sucking fest. You guys act like Steve Hirsch is Mother Theresa. He’s the biggest piece of shit in the world. He was a fucking junkie coke head in the 80’s. And here we are in the 2000’s and unless he recently cleaned up, he’s a fuckin pill head. A Percocet, Oxycontin pill poppin motherfucker. That’s Steve Hirsch.

“Before Hirsch accepted his Legacy Award, a short but fast-paced, dynamic video highlighting the various milestones of Vivid’s now 30-year history was shown. The video rapidly covered Vivid’s first-ever production, “Ginger” (starring Ginger Lynn), which cost Hirsch $20,000 back in the early ‘80s, as well as how Vivid was the first XXX company to sign performers to long-term contracts and its popular emergence of celebrity sex tapes. As Hirsch himself stated in the video, among many quotes from the powerhouse of a businessman, “It’s important for us to focus on future technology, continue to exploit and expand our brand. And if we’re able to do that I think we can stay one step ahead.”

“With a fantastic lead-in care of Christian Mann, Hirsch gave one of the evening’s most inspiring, moving speeches, which sealed the night’s continuing theme of innovation and unity.”

Again, nobody mentions David James or Bill Asher, without whom Steve Hirsch would still be blowing lines of coke off his desk on Califa Street.

“I’ve never been more excited about Vivid and our industry than I am today,” Hirsch energetically beamed.

Really? You’re not even shooting movies anymore. You’re trying to be a radio host on a channel that you have to buy time on. You have a satellite broadcast channel that nobody carries, Time Warner, nobody. Don’t know what the fuck you’re so excited about.

Let’s continue:

“Our industry is changing, there’s no doubt about it. … And I think if there’s one thing that the Internet has shown us, it’s that there is a huge, massive audience for our products, for our movies. So I think what’s important is that the industry is full of smart, innovative, creative people. Those are the guys who are going to survive. That could be all of us—and it should be all of us.”

“Every single day, I try to do the right thing for our company, and I try to do the right thing for our industry. And I believe although there may be challenges ahead, challenges from the outside, and we’ve seen them all over the years, whether it’s legal or government or piracy or DVD decline, whatever it is…. and we’ve seen also the evil that sort of lurks within…”

The evil that lurks from within? I think Steven’s talking about me! The Evil That Lurks From Within. I like that.

Yes, this is the face of evil, motherfucker. The evil that exposes you as a jag off .

“But I believe that if we, together as an industry, do the right thing, handle ourselves properly, respect the people that we work with, and the people that work for us, that we’ll all be around for a very long time.”

No Steven. You’re wrong. Because all of these people you’re talking about aren’t making movies anymore. You don’t mention David James. You don’t mention Bill Asher. The men who put you where you are today. You’re a jerk off.

So there you are ladies and gentlemen. Hope everyone who attended the Free Speech Coalition Awards had a good time and went home smelling like bleach from all the jizz flying in this epic jerk off fest.

Follow Rob Black on Twitter @RealRobBlack Email: rzblack@yahoo.com

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