The Amber Lynn Story as relayed by Comic Joey Medina

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Amber Lynn who’s running for a spot on the Free Speech Coalition Board of Directors has been a busy girl. This week Lynn was a featured guest on the Joey Medina Podcast.

“We’ve all seen porn, but this is one thing I don’t like,” said Medina.

“Anyone who sucks a dick in front of a camera says they’re a porn star. I disagree. Some of these girls are not stars, by no means.” The point Medina was making is that Lynn is a bonafide porn star and industry legend.

Medina then offered a capsule biography that may have been a hold over from an old Friar’s Club roast.

“Amber Lynn was born Laura Lynn Allen, the youngest daughter of a retired Air Force officer,” he related.

“Lynn self-described her change as going from a pudgy kind of buck-tooted tomboy to a rocking little body. She started doing fitness modeling, bikini modeling and hot body contests.

“She relocated to Hollywood and became a regular at all the clubs on the Sunset Strip. At one point Lynn was the highest paid dancer on the strip club circuit, making $32,000 a week.

“Lynn’s drug addiction, however, ran for nearly two decades. She once said, ‘I started out drinking Ketel One and slicing off crystals of Peruvian rock. I wound up drinking vodka out of a half-pint stash in the bottom of my purse with my crack pipe stuffed in the lining of my jacket.’

“She then began the long process of turning her life around. Lynn, as of September 2011 is now 11 years clean and sober and works outside of the adult industry, sometimes as a personal recovery assistant helping in the detox of addicts and as a real estate agent specializing in luxury homes.”

“I have to be honest only because there was no Peruvian rock left,” Lynn chuckled. “I stopped slicing it.”

Depending how you categorize them, i.e., compilations, etc., Lynn’s been in over 230 movies. Not to forget the immortal American Cock Sucking Championships 7 and My Stepmother Made Me Do It, which Medina thought prudent to bring up including playing the audio track from the latter.

“Every guy who had a stepmother that looked like you would want to fuck her,” Medina observed.

Lynn said gay guys will even approach her and compliment her cock sucking abilities. Medina explained he had met Lynn at the infamous Russell Peters’ New Year’s eve party a week ago which was broken up by the cops. Lynn who was wearing a sequin mini skirt, a scooped, see through blouse and “nippy caps” ran interference.

According to Lynn, the cop said nothing as she introduced herself.

“Then it dawned on the fellow cops that he was stammering,” she continued.

“He was going, ahhhhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhh and they were just laughing at him. Then we all started laughing. And he was, like, “We’re not here to break up your party. The neighbors were complaining. I said why don’t you guys come in and have a drink?”

Asked about some funny happenings on porn sets Lynn commented, “Crazy stuff happens every day. I don’t even know where to start.”

Lynn related the story last week on another show and brought up the Ten Little Maidens shoot.

“We’re doing this orgy and I’m on this table. Ginger Lynn is next to me and everybody’s fucking everybody and trying to incorporate food into it.

“We always one up each other, and all of a sudden Jamie Gillis picks up a roast pig from the table. He slams this roast pig on my stomach. Before I know it he’s shoving an apple in my mouth and he starts fucking the pig. It’s like driving by a car wreck where it’s so disgusting you can’t help but look.

“Personally I wanted to see if her could get his penis in that tiny hole. So Harry Reems decides he’s going to try and one-up Jamie. Here I am with a pig on my belly. This guy who I’m dating at the time [Gillis] is fucking a pig. And I’m thinking to myself is that pig tested?

“And Harry Reems takes this banana cream pie, jerks off, cums in it and slams it right into my face. That was it. I was pissed. Ginger looks at me because she knows I’m pissed. I am a freak. Don’t fuck with my hair. Once my hair’s done, don’t touch it. And so she jumps off the table and we go running out the door and we jump into this fountain outside screaming.”

Gillis, according to Lynn, thought she was pissed because of the implied bestiality.

“No, it’s my hair! You messed up my make up,” Lynn screamed.

Asked about scenes where guys will cum in your face, Lynn remarked, “That’s natural.”

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