The Rob Black Show ran a little late Wednesday night. You wanna know why?
Because we were covering the XRCO Awards Show. We got updates from people who were there and announced the winners on the air as they happened. Nobody else covered it live. Nobody else could give two shits about this fucking show except Bill Margold and Dirty Stinky Bob and us. Us stupid motherfuckers at The Rob Black Show.
We reported on the XRCO and gave it lots of coverage on TheRobBlackShow.com and on AdultFYI.com and we still got shit on. Even when we try to turn over a new leaf and be nicer to people like when you hold the door open for someone. You can’t even hold the door open for someone without them bitching and moaning about it.
I figured we would come together and have some fun and lighten things up a bit. Let’s get away from all the negative things like AIDS and Free Speech Coalition and Mike South and come together for a little XRCO love fest. Put aside all of our differences, like at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame when the original members of Kiss got together on stage and Courtney hugged Dave Grohl. I figured we could come together and cover and report on the XRCO show.
It started weeks ago when Stinkman Bob put out a press release about needing sponsors for the XRCO. We hit him up and said we wanted to be sponsors and also cover the red carpet and report on the show. www.adultfyi.com/read.php?ID=60339 Dirty Bob ignored the request and later said there was no room. This was at the same time Bill Margold called Tom Byron out on Twitter asking him to come to XRCO if I would let him and basically called him a bitch. When he hit him back and said that he would not only come, he would bring a coupla fazools for a sponsorship and cover the show, Bill also ignored the request and deferred Tom Byron’s admittance to Mike Moz.
Somebody who was there last night said that they wished we had been there to do the red carpet. That it would’ve been fun. I said that these people are like when somebody challenges you to a fight and when you show up, they run and hide.
Despite this disrespect, for the past few days we’ve been talking about the XRCO Awards Show. But Bill Margold said that us talking about the show was a “classless act.” www.adultfyi.com/read.php?ID=60353 We promoted the show and talked about it, yet we were a classless act. Nobody did an article Wednesday to tell people to go to the show, but we did and Bill Margold shit on us. www.adultfyi.com/read.php?ID=60352 That’s perplexing to me. To motherfuck somebody that’s helping you. But that’s Bill Margold. A bitter jealous never was anything in the business except a D level hideous porn actor in the 70’s douche who supports scumbags like John Holmes and Mr. Marcus.
That unpleasantness aside, let’s get to the Main Event.
We picked winners Wednesday night. Important winners, not the stupid categories like oral this or anal that. Best Director, Best Actress and Best Feature and Epic to name a few.
We’ve got a winner right here. This is a two time winner from Wednesday night. He did better than Brad Armstrong.
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of Best Parody Director and Best Comedy Parody, Mr. Will Ryder.
WILL RYDER: Thank you very much. I had a great time at the show. The night was kind of a blur because of all the beautiful girls and the drinks were flowing at the bar, but it was awesome.
ROB: Tell everybody what you won. I know Grease won, but tell everybody exactly what the awards were.
WILL: Well, it was kinda hard to hear what was going on, but I was up for Best Director Parody and through the noise I heard my name and went up and accepted the award. You know, I put a lot of time and effort into making these movies good, so I really appreciate when they are recognized. To this day, I still appreciate when people take the time to watch my movies and actually vote on them. I’m old school like that. I appreciate the accolades and I respect the process.
ROB: So you won for Best Parody Director and Best Parody Comedy?
WILL: Yes, we won for a movie that was based on the John Travolta/Olivia Newton classic musical Grease. We also won in the same category at the AVN and the XBIZ Awards, so it was a trifecta, a clean sweep. I thought we had a pretty good chance at it, although you never take anything for granted. I thought the Wizard of Oz parody that we did should’ve picked up a few more awards, but the fact that Grease did as well as it did in a competitive category was pretty neat.
ROB: Grease is officially a blockbuster. It won at AVN, XBIZ and now XRCO.
WILL: You know, we had a great company Adam and Eve behind us. I have to give them a lot of credit. We have a history of teaming up with them and winning. I’m not sure what we’re gonna do next with them yet. We don’t have anything lined up right now for next year. They’re based in North Carolina, they’re a powerhouse company and we’re fortunate to be able to do projects with them that are a lot of fun.
ROB: You know Will, you really are a powerhouse yourself. You were up against Axel Braun and beat him and you won more awards on this outing than Brad Armstrong. Axel actually texted me to give me the news that you had won. I said to him, “Because he’s better than you, you cocksucker!” He said, “You told me that I was better than him.” I said, “Well, tonight he’s better than you.”
WILL: (Laughs) Axel and I go way back. He really is a master at what he does. He hits it from all angles and the results are spectacular. He did prank me last night, I will tell you that. Big time. When you’re on the side or behind the stage, you really can’t hear what’s going on onstage. You can’t hear the speakers. You can hear it, but you can’t really make it out. The award they were giving out I thought was Best Parody Comedy. When they announced the winner, I couldn’t hear it. Axel grabbed me and said, “You won! Get up there! For Grease! Go! Go!” and he’s pushing me up on the stage. I get up the stairs and to the podium to accept the award and when I’m up there I realize that the award was for Orgasmic Oralist and the winner was Vicki Chase. I’m at the microphone looking like a complete asshole. I ripped Axel a little bit on the mike and said I can’t believe you did this to me. And he’s laughing. It was a fun little moment between competitive directors. He burned me on that one but is was something to put in the memory bank.
ROB: That’s pretty funny. He got you good on that.
WILL: Yeah, I’m up there looking like an asshole in front of the entire industry accepting an award for Vicki Chase, who by the way looks incredible. She looks like a million bucks. I’m actually shooting her next week.
ROB: You’re always doing big successful movies, which is even more evident with your wins Wednesday night. I’m always happy when my friends win awards. And I’m happy that you beat Axel, because I like to bust his balls.
WILL: I like to bust his balls, too. You know, just to be mentioned with all of these big directors is a thrill and an honor. Axel, Brad Armstrong, Eddie Powell, who I like very much and his wife Jackie St. James with New Sensations. She had a very big night as well. I gotta tell ya, I remember years ago when I first started going to the awards and would stand around and just be in awe of all these great 80’s stars. I didn’t know a soul. I would stand there with a beer in my hand and quietly introduce myself and be completely starstruck. I never thought that I would one day be up there accepting one of those wooden hearts myself. It’s pretty exciting. I don’t know if you know this, but I worked on my first porn movie in 1983. A lot of people don’t know that.
ROB: Wow. 1983. What the fuck movie was it?
WILL: I came out here from Milwaukee to be a musician. I was in a band in the valley. I had a roommate who was a maniac self promoter, a drummer. He knew everybody. He asked me if I wanted to make money scoring music for porn movies, so I said sure. So I would sit there at night and score these movies on a four track recorder and get paid like 3 or 400 dollars. I was ecstatic. This was the early 80’s, so this was great money. I was loving it. Now this guy had a different chick every night 365 days a week, I’ve never seen anything like it. But he was also an asshole at times. One day he told me to take a tape over to this editing facility. So I drove over to this place which was actually a trailer with about 3 or 4 editing bays in it. I go in and see all this porn being edited and I hand the tape to the director and asked if I could sit and watch. He said OK, just be quiet. That director was Roy Karch, who as you know is a legendary director and one of the pioneers of shot on video. We’re friends to this day. I saw him last night and it was great to see him. Now, I normally don’t undercut anybody, but like I said my roommate was an asshole. As I’m sitting there watching all this porn being edited, I asked Roy how much he paid for the music. Back then, they had no music library, so they had to pay for all the music. He said 2000 dollars. I’m thinking, “I’m getting paid 3, sometimes 4 hundred from my roommate and I do all the work?” I told Roy, “Here’s my number.” So I worked for Roy and a few others and eventually went to a porn convention in Chicago back when it was CES and I met everybody. I met Amber Lynn and all these porn stars and I was in heaven. That’s how I ended up doing music for porn. That’s how I got started.
ROB: Well, at least you didn’t get started like Brad Armstrong making male stripper costumes.
WILL: (Laughs) Hey, you gotta start somewhere, right? At least he got in, that’s the important thing. You know, there’s a rivalry between the directors, but I really respect all of those guys. Brad Armstrong’s a good guy and I like him and Jessica very much. She’s gotta be the nicest person in the industry. They’re a great couple. I’m like you, I’ve been around the industry a long time and like you, I respect the old school.
ROB: Listen, I like to bust balls. I bust Axel’s balls and even Brad’s, but those guys and you are who I came up with. I tell stories of hanging out in Italy with Axel at MiFED and selling our European rights to Extreme Associates and he took Tom Byron to the airport doing 190 miles an hour and Byron said it was the most terrifying ride of his life.
WILL: He still drives like that.
ROB: I know. So what’s next for Will Ryder? I know you always have something big coming up. You gotta have some more blockbusters.
WILL: In a few weeks, I’m doing a parody of the TV show Supernatural. It’s about these two brothers and they meet all these women and demons and they’re horny and they fight demons and vampires and ghosts. It’s a really funny script, we turned it into a comedy. I’m looking forward to shooting that one. There’s a lot of stabbing. Lots of stabbing girls in the tits. Exactly what people are looking for in porn.
ROB: I know that show. I’ve seen that fucking show.
WILL: Yeah, it’s great. It’s got a huge following, it’s been on the air for ten years. A lot of loyal fans.
ROB: So you got Supernatural. What else?
WILL: This summer, I’m gonna do my Charles Manson movie, which is The XXX Helter Skelter Girls of Charles Manson. It’s a hippie commune love sex festival, with the beads and the flowers in the hair and all. It’s really about the girls and the love and sexual favors they did for Charles Manson and Tex Watson and being fucking psychopaths.
ROB: What the fuck made you come up with that movie?
WILL: You know, you can only come up with so many Brady XXX movies before your head starts to come up with something edgier. We’re not gonna take it to where the murders happened. It’s gonna be before the murders. You know, I think if I saw a movie called The XXX Helter Skelter Girls of Charles Manson, I think I’m gonna watch it. It’s gonna be a bunch of hippie girls fucking and sucking and I have a guy playing Charles Manson who looks just like him. It’s gonna blow people away.
ROB: I got one for ya. How about The XXX Girls of The Auschwitz Death Camps?
WILL: That might be a harder one to sell. There’s a lot of Jewish distributors. Might not go over too well with them.
ROB: How about The Diary of Anne Frank Gangbang? The SS Officers find her in the attic and when they’re done they throw her in the oven.
WILL: You know, you have a way of making things sound really terrible. We kinda made our bread and butter making wholesome family type parodies like Not The Bradys XXX, which is one of the biggest selling series in modern porn. Gotta watch how much I try to venture into the dark side. I need to keep it straight and fun and comical or I might end up going to hell.
ROB: Tell me a little about the American Hustle parody you recently did.
WILL: Smash Pictures came up to me after I won the awards at the XBIZ show in Century City and said to me, “We wanna win. Can you help us win?” So I had a lunch meeting with them and they expressed a desire to be in the victory circle next year. We made a deal to do American Hustle XXX. American Hustle is a great movie, it gets better every time you see it and has a lot of hot girls. I wrote a great script and we had an awesome cast, Penny Pax tore it up, Tommy Gunn did a great job. I think we shot our best movie ever. That’s not hype. The story was great and the sex was so hot, I wanted to jump in the scenes. It was that good.
ROB: That’s a bold statement to say this is the best movie you’ve shot.
WILL: I don’t say it very often, but when this thing comes out, I think it will be one of the best if not the best things we’ve done, depending on how the editing comes out. It’s in my nature to hype up my projects, but this is a great movie, no bullshit. When people pick it up in September from Smash Pictures, I think they will be very pleased. And the girls! When you’re shooting these movies and you see these girls spreading their legs and getting it doggie style, it’s like an addiction. I don’t do drugs and I rarely drink, even though I did at XRCO and I’m feeling the effects today. If you love women, it’s hard to get through the day when you’re shooting without going insane. These girls look great and they’re put on this earth for one reason and that’s to look good and get fucked.
ROB: (Laughs) I like that. That’s pretty good. But you gotta admit, they do bust our balls a little.
WILL: Well, I try not to get too close to these girls, not because they’re not worthy, but because there’s such an age difference. My business partner Scott David always says to me, “You know, these girls don’t really like you, they’re just nice to you because you can put them in movies.” And I’m like, “I don’t give a shit. What do I care?” It doesn’t matter to me. I love to surround myself with beautiful women. If there’s something wrong with that, so be it. Some women are total businesswomen and some are not so together. But I love them equally.
ROB: When you come right down to it, do you really want to be with somebody if they can’t do something for you? Whether you’re friends with a woman or with a man. Your friend Scott is your business partner. Would you be friends with him if he didn’t bring something to the table?
WILL: Scott and I have had an interesting arc in our relationship. We’ve made a lot of great movies together, but we’ve found we can’t really work in the same office without wanting to kill each other. He has an office in West Hollywood and my office is at Hollywood and Vine and we’ve found it works much better that way. We see each other on set of course, but we get along much better having offices in different zip codes.
ROB: Our relationships with girls are similar to our relationships with other guys. Unless you’re a fag, you don’t wanna fuck them, but you want friends that can do something for you. I wouldn’t hang out with someone just because they had a nice personality.
WILL: Women are great and they’re nice to look at, but would we hang out with them if they didn’t have a vagina? I don’t know if we would. I’m perfectly content to stay at home alone and watch TV by myself, to be honest with you. I kinda like that.
ROB: I hear ya there. So what are you gonna do with the rest of your day?
WILL: I’m gonna go have lunch and then I have to work on some compliance paperwork and make some phone calls, pay some bills. I tell ya, as much as people think our lives are just a non stop party, we do have a lot of work to do to make all this happen. Putting schedules together, setting up meetings. I would much rather be at an awards show with a Heineken in one hand and a hiney in the other and have women tell me how great I am. That’s much better.
ROB: We can’t all be Axel Braun, huh?
WILL: That’s a handsome Italian. Women love that guy. I should start talking with an accent.
ROB: Last time I saw pictures of him from XBIZ he looked like he ate a small child. Has he put on weight? Is he still fat?
WILL: No, no, he looked great at the show. He’s in shape, looks good. I have women friends who are not in the business talk about him and how great he looks. I tell them he’s already highly successful and wins awards all the time, you don’t have to tell me how sexy he is.
ROB: And he drives a Bentley, this cocksucker.
WILL: (Laughs) You know, I love his friendship and the rivalry. You need that competitiveness. That’s what drives you to be successful. You know, this business is going through a major transition right now. Never before have so many people been watching porn, but the majority of them are watching it for free. The monetary angle that keeps us all in business is changing drastically and we have to figure out where it’s going. Some will survive, but most won’t. We’re like prey in the wilderness and sites like YouPorn and Pornhub are the big game hunters shooting us in the head. I’ll say it right now. Fuck Manwin, fuck Mindgeek. I don’t care if they’re the only ones left standing, I’ll never work for them. These assholes have destroyed the business and the fact that we give them awards and praise them and send our women to them is disgusting. It didn’t have to happen that way. But it has and I’ve accepted it. We just have to figure it out or move on.
ROB: I’ve been saying that we need another Republican administration to come in and shake out the tree a little bit. All of these guys would shit themselves if they were looking at federal time for making porn and would likely get out. Back during the Reagan era, there wasn’t a lot of people looking to get in the business, because not many businessmen want to deal with either getting in trouble with the government or having to associate with the people who were running the business back then. When Clinton got in office, it kinda opened the business up and you saw company after company form, because the threat that if you went into the porn business you would go to jail was gone. So if a conservative Republican gets in I think you would see a lot of these assholes get into another line of work. If a Republican comes in and says we don’t like all this porn on the internet and we’re gonna shut it down and puts that fear into people, I think you would see a big shakeout.
WILL: I think where the government really dropped the ball is limiting access of this stuff to children. When I was a kid, I had to ride my bike 13 miles to a store where this lady would let me buy Hustler magazine. Now there are all these free porn sites with no filter and anyone of any age can see it. The government should’ve done something when all of this started. But the genie’s kinda out of the bottle and it’s a whole new world. I can call Manwin and those guys assholes all day, but is it gonna change anything? I don’t know, but I’m taking steps to move on. It’s been a great ride, but don’t be surprised if Will Ryder hangs up his directing hat at some point soon in the future.
ROB: With that, we’ll wrap it up. Will, it was great to talk to you. Thanks for coming on and talking to us and congratulations on your awards and success.
WILL: Thanks for having me on and good luck to everybody out there in the next year. Life is fun if you make it that way.
That was it, ladies and gentlemen. The great Will Ryder. We are star studded on The Rob Black Show.
And XRCO, you’re welcome.
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