Thoughts Over The Morning’s Coffee: Rob Black Shows How Easy It Is To Dump You Agent

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Face it. You don’t get seminars like this at AVN or XBiz. Rob Black, www.therobblackshow.com on his Internet show Thursday gave some valuable insight to performers on how to strike out on their own and rid themselves of the big, bad agents.

“Do you realize that Derek Hay lives in a model house?” said Black.

“He lives in one room. And there’s like three other rooms and he has girls live there. And he has a cam room where the girls are constantly camming. So if you tell this guy, ‘Axel Braun won’t hire me,’ he’ll go, ‘I guess you better suck my cock some more for Porno Dan.’ www.adultfyi.com/read.php?ID=58716

“Girls, what the fuck do you think Derek’s going to do? What do you think Spiegler’s going to do? The guys I’m not perplexed. A gay guy of course would listen to a pimp like that. I can’t imagine that in the old days when there was central casting like World Modeling.

“We’re talking about now where there’s no business and everybody knows everybody. You go to one event as a guy and you’re there. That’s it. You go to one guy director and say, hi, my name is so and so. If you go to one of these bottom feeders like Jim Camp, you’re going to get your shot.

“And now you do a good job and you’re rock hard, that really spreads, real quick. Believe it or not, guys, that spreads real quick. If you’re a good looking guy and not a jerk off, and you got a dick that works, that spreads real quick.

“Go to everyone’s favorite, Porn Star Karaoke. There’s enough bullshit events and there’s enough jerk off porn people on Twitter that will friend you. There’s enough assholes out there that will be, like, yeah, broooooooo, we’ll go get some beers. Tom Byron said he’s never hired a guy because he was with an agent.

“Here’s the best story of real agents, you assholes. And I call anyone who has an agent, assholes.

“This shows you this guy is an asshole beyond being an asshole. I’m just giving you an example of being an asshole. And an agent didn’t do a fucking thing. When we casted for Taxi Driver, I wanted Xander [Corvus].

“He amused me on set. Xander, I wanted to do the De Niro part. Xander’s agent at the time was Robert Moran. He would not let Xander shave his head. I go, yo, you’re in this movie it’s going to win awards. I predicted everything.

“No, he can’t shave his head. So I’m looking for the guy. I interviewed Brian Street Team. And that’s why he don’t like me no more. He shoots on me. He actually shot on me because I didn’t use him and said he was a shitty actor. Oh, sorry, you’re a shitty actor. My bad. He has a Janine tattoo on his chest and I’m a fucking jerkoff?

“So skinny jeans- he wears the gayest skinny jeans- Dan O’Reilly is the one who brought me Tommy Pistol [pictured]. I only knew Tommy Pistol as the guy who took Gia Paloma out of the business, erased her entire past, got her knocked up, had her have two kids, had her shave her head, she put a bull ring in her fucking nose- basically made her look as ugly as humanly possible. And if you called her Gia, he’d go, ‘Her name’s not Gia. Her name is Karen. That was her past.’

“It was funny. He was with her and he was a nobody. He was a Joanna Angel flunkie who got nowhere. And Gia Paloma was a huge star- the animal, man, that’s a fucking legend in this business. So he gets her, uglies her up, gets her pregnant, and you look at her and go what the fuck’s just happened to you? He makes her unemployable. And when you do that and then you brainwash this person to the extent that he says, ‘even if you talk to Gia and bring up the past, she’s a mom, now.’

“This is a girl who loved life, loved our business and she was a star. So all I ever know is that this is an asshole who was a wannabe actor. He’d pitch everybody that he could make movies but nobody would give him a shot. ‘I’m with Joanna Angel and nobody will give me a shot!!!’

“Asshole, go work for Joanna Angel and Vince Vouyer and them. Of course he hangs out with the hipster douchebags. So O’Reilly brings him to me. I’m busy. The motherfucker auditions in the parking lot. I go, can you shave your head for the part. He said, ‘Yes I will, Yes, I will, Yes, I will.’ You’re fucking hired. Goodbye.

“There ya go, guys. Big agent. And after that, Bisco, everybody who saw that movie wanted Tommy Pistol. And now he’s with 101 Modeling? He went to an agency, this fucking guy. Or he’s with Smash now. Gia Paloma, why don’t you get yourself back in shape, why don’t you get a nanny and come back in the business because Tommy Pistol’s a big star. He got this gig without an agent and then he got with an agent. These guys think it’s fucking Hollywood.

As an after thought Black learned that Pistol was technically with LA Direct when he signed up for Taxi Driver.

“That’s even funnier,” said Black. “If he was actually with LA Direct when he got Taxi Driver, that’s even funnier because Derek didn’t get him that job and it was skinny jeans jerkoff who did and then he [Derek] tried to send us an invoice.

“Here’s my question why do you all need an agent? Unless you are a piece of shit and think of yourself as absolutely worthless. Every single one of you motherfuckers are on Twitter every goddamn day.

“Every single one of you motherfuckers are on your email every goddamn day. Every single one of you motherfuckers talk to somebody in this business every goddamn day. So why do you need an agent?

“I’ll get the girls and guy getting off the bus. I can see the girl in big, bad Los Angeles and the only thing she’s read about it or heard about is LA Direct because they’re the elite agency. I get it.

“She now finds LA Direct; She finds LA Direct and goes there. It’s in the Vivid building. There’s this handsome Englishman and all these posters. And this English guy gets this girl and tells her you’re going to stay at the model house. I get how that happens. But that’s not every single girl and that doesn’t explain the girls who have been in the business for more than a year.”

to be continued…

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