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Director Tim Von Swine was the recipient of a Rob Black surprise phone call Thursday afternoon. During the first part of the call which you couldn’t hear because of, let’s just say technical difficulties, Von Swine, who directs for Jules Jordan discussed how he fucks Kimberly Kane in a movie titled Elastic Assholes #11.

Probably some of the best parts of the interview were lost during that stretch [pardon the pun], then Von Swine got into how he met Kelly Shibari. They’ve been together three years.

Von Swine shoots his POV scenes with what he calls the “whale cam”

“Especially during the winter when I’m all fish-belly white. I’m like a big whale,” he told Black.

“I think you should have more of those whale shots- that’s the cool thing,” said Black.

“I do some of that stuff on the side but I don’t have any distro for that,” explained Von Swine.

“I have a bunch of scenes like that; I just have no place to sell it. I might do a Clips4Sale but that seems over saturated; people complain you can’t sell sex clips on Clips4Sale. It’s all like chicks naked cleaning the house and fart clips. I don’t do that shit so it seems like Clips4Sale would be a waste of time.”

Von Swine says he has a stash of maybe 30 or 40 scenes where he’s fucking a girl.

“I got stuff of me and another guy D.P.’ing chicks that’s so grizzly it’s amazing.”

“I love the fact that you’re outside and I can hear the birds chirping and shit,” Black mused.

“You know my back yard- it’s like an aviary back here,” said Von Swine. Black asked where Von Swine’s girlfriend Kelly Shibari was.

“She’s busy working, getting stuff ready,” said Von Swine. “She’s got a gig coming up so she’s doing her hair and picking up checks.”

Von Swine explains that he’s done scenes with Shibari and that’s how they met.

“I met her on the set of the Roseanne parody. The irony of it is I showed up nervous and I bombed. I couldn’t do the scene. But we hung out afterwards, hit it off and we banged for two days straight. That was kind of cool.”

Von Swine played Dan in the parody which was directed by Jim Enright for DreamZone.

“I probably should have stayed in the room and let Jake Jacobs fill in,” said Von Swine.

“I probably would have gotten jealous and probably pulled it off. I was a pro about it and let him do the hardcore, and I just did the softcore segment. If you’ve been around for a long time you get comfortable in your performing zones.

“I tried to step into that, and I was totally out of my element. And now I know what’s going through the camera guy’s head. I couldn’t read all their minds and tried to keep my dick hard. It was this is not working. That was a bit of a bummer but I admit it, I bombed out. Big deal.”

Von Swine has been together with Shibari since March, 2010.

“You think it’s serious, do you think it’s something that you could see yourself being with Kelly Shibari a long, long time?” Black asked.

“Why do you want to put me on a spot like that,” Von Swine laughed.

“I take it one day at a time. We’ve been together for three and we’ll see if it’s two or three more. Who knows, who cares. While it’s good, it’s good. I don’t look too far ahead because every time you plan things in the future it always falls apart or things get in the way. I’m a one day at a time guy. You never know when it’s all going to be over.”

“We never really socially hung out- you were always too good for me,” Black observed.

“You didn’t want to hang with me. Believe it or not I always lived that one day at a time even though in my mind I say let’s prepare for this. I don’t run my life as I’m preparing for the future. I run my life as if I’m preparing for not knowing what’s going to happen day to day. Let’s worry day to day.”

Von Swine says he doesn’t have a master plan but tries to get some ducks in the row.

“Just every day you got to do the best you can.”

“You’re living with Kelly Shibari and loving life,” Black continued,

“You’re having a great time with her as your companion. You’re not saying that you can see growing old together but you’re not saying that you can’t. You’re just saying right now that you’re loving life with Kelly Shibari the way it is and that’s it.”

“Well put,” said Von Swine.

Black pointed out that Von Swine was close to being a professional hockey player.

“I wouldn’t say that but I appreciate it,” answered Von Swine noting that his next game was on Monday. Black pointed out that his cousin Mark Zane likes to hang out with Von Swine.

“He’s a blond at heart,” said Von Swine. “We know that he dyes his hair black.”

Von Swine also mentioned that Zane also works in front of the camera.

“He rips it up- he needs more work; if you’re out there and want to hire a white guy with a small dick and a big pop shot call Mark Zane.

“He’s got one of the best lines ever in porno- he says ‘if only I had a big dick and a tan I’d be famous.’”

Black was trying to bum a free meal off of Von Swine on the premise that he could get free dinners from a number of people on rotation.

“Then I got my meals for the night.”

“No matter what part of the business you’re in whether it be music, mainstream or day time television or some radio jockey, it’s who you know, bro,” said Von Swine. “We’re just trying to keep you fed.”

Black told Von Swine to go back to his gardening and that he was gay.

Von Swine pointed out that Black once shot Ron Jeremy sucking his own dick in a movie.

“And you’re calling me a queer?”

“We’ll give you a pass,” said Von Swine.

“You put out ‘Nice Fucking Movie’ – everyone seems to forget that Rob Black made a movie with no spitting, no slapping, no midgets, no chicks getting hit in the face with fishes, nobody in trash cans- it was a good movie. So go look it up.”