from www.adultcybermart.com – Hollywood lore’s full of stories about how the second or third choice for the lead in a major motion picture became so identified with the role that you forgot who the original choice was supposed to be.
Could you honestly imagine Ernest Borgnine as The Godfather? Proving that she has no business being in show business, Lindsey Lohan turned down the Heather Graham part in The Hangover because the script showed “no potential”.
Frank Sinatra as Dirty Harry? Yup, until he broke his hand, and the part was offered to John Wayne who turned it down.
But here’s probably the most famous example of fate stepping in and altering careers. Tom Selleck was supposed to have been the original Indiana Jones, but his commitments with Magnum P.I. prevented him from doing that picture. In irony of ironies, the pilot for the Magnum TV show was postponed, which would have given Selleck enough time to have taken the Jones role anyway, but it had already gone to Harrison Ford. Yeah, bummer.
If you’re kind of curious how Selleck would have fared as a Depression era swashbuckler, there’s a movie called High Road to China that casts him in almost the exact same part.
Check it out if you can, because it appears that Vivid will appropriate the title somewhere down the line. Now that “The Ninth Wonder” lady wrestler Chyna is fully on board with the Papa Smurf program. Maybe.
Papa Smurf today revealed to TMZ, aka his PR people, that Chyna, Mary Carey’s former drinking amigo, has done a porn film.
Actually this isn’t news if you keep up with AdultFyi.com. We carried that story last November when former WWE employee Jimmy Noonin’ revealed that Chyna, alias Joanie Laurer, had shot a porn movie for Vivid. Although Chyna adamantly denied the story.
“The porn rumors are 100% untrue,” she said at that time.
“The Media never takes the time to verify these reports before posting them no matter how damaging they are,” she went on to say.
Damaging my ass, which brings us to the topic of the current story involving Laurer.
In today’s episode, Vivid’s Steve Hirsch tells TMZ that Laurer approached him months ago, demanding to work with the biggest male porn star in the business. If that’s the case, Noonin’s scoop would appear to have had validity.
Gathering by the title “Backdoor Into Chyna” one would presume Laurer gets it in her shitbox from Evan Stone and Lee Stone, although, frankly, the tape would sell if she had been ensphinctered by Robert E. Lee.
Born December 27th, Laurer is a Capricorn, and you can take it to the bank that women born under that sign love it in the ass.
This afternoon, however, Laurer’s agency Beauty Queen Management released a statement claiming that TMZ’s reports about Laurer returning to the adult entertainment industry are “totally untrue” and that she has not and will not be shooting any videos.
“All rumors relating to Chyna and porn are totally false and should be taken with a grain of salt,” said her manager Michelle Roberts. A cynic might even think that Papa Smurf’s behind this whole contradictory wrestling scenario just to play with our brains.
In any event, Laurer’s no stranger to the world of porn, but she may be a jinx to it. Once Laurer and Mary Carey bonded on the reality show, Celebrity Rehab, that was pretty much it for Carey’s career but not before their companionship proved mutually embarrassing over and over.
One Hollywood gossip site wrote: “Tara Reid has some competition for her crown as Hollywood’s biggest train wreck — Chyna Doll. The former WWE and “Surreal Life” star (yes, we’re using that term loosely) was out partying with porn star Mary Carey … and what a sight they were.
“The two busty women were dressed in matching (and ridiculous) outfits, flirting with everyone they could, including each other, on their way out of Hollywood hot spot Shag. At one point Mary even grinds against Chyna, lifting the wrestler’s skirt to an even more inappropriate length.
“For Chyna though, the real fun started once they got in the car where she was spotted making out with an unknown male (poor thing), straddling him in the back seat as they drove off.”
Having practiced the fine art of binge drinking with Carey, Laurer, a former strip club waitress and 900 phone sex operator, got a taste of what freebasing alcohol is like when she was rushed to a Los Angeles-area hospital. Friends had found her passed out on a bathroom floor following a 36th birthday celebration.
You would have thought Laurer learned from her previous experiences at the University of Tampa, when in a similar instance, she was raped by two men after getting drunk at a party. But no.
Laurer explained that this latest episode resulted from making the mistake of mixing alcohol with a new medication.
“I was on some new medication and drank with it … blacked out, hit some glass, and I’m fine. I’m good. A few cuts and scratches and that’s it.”
According to reports, Laurer, who once was regarded as a fitness fanatic, was so intoxicated she was barely able to speak, and a psychiatric evaluation couldn’t be performed because of the high alcohol level in her blood. However Laurer was released from the hospital the following day.
Laurer left pro wrestling in 2001 to focus on a film career. She had a number of small parts in straight-to-video flicks and appeared in several reality shows. Laurer had a relationship with WWE star Triple H (Paul Levesque) from 1996-2000 and was engaged briefly to Sean “X-Pac” Waltman in 2003 before their tumultuous relationship ended. Laurer at one time also dated Ed Leslie (Brutus Beefcake), even though she denies it.
WWE announcer Jim Ross, who helped bring Laurer into the WWE during the mid-’90s, commented on her hospitalization.
“I am thankful she is alive after apparently overdosing on her birthday. I truly hope Joanie gets more professional help, the WWE is an option for her, with whatever issues she has and find true happiness in her life. I’m not sure that her kind of happiness is going to be found in Tinseltown.
“Joanie was always so health conscious when she was on the WWE roster and the reports about her issues the past several years have been personally troubling to me. She had many challenges in her life long before she arrived in the WWE which I honestly feel are at the root of her problems today. Nonetheless, I am no Dr. Phil, but I do hope that Joanie gets better and finds a vocation that is personally rewarding to her.”
Vocation-wise, Laurer’s new one appeared to be porn with the release of the celebrity sex tape One Night in Chyna featuring her and Waltman.
While her performance didn’t necessarily bring down the curtain on Red Light District, it didn’t keep the company from going into porn’s dumpster, either. While it was a huge seller for the company [Red Light claimed it sold 100,000 copies], Laurer later claimed she didn’t see one red dime from those tapes.
Laurer was scheduled to go on the Howard Stern show to promote the tape but not before she was involved in a New York City hotel incident where she stripped and jumped naked into a fish tank.
Laurer, found somewhere under a ton of body glitter, went on Stern to promote not only the tape but a tranny beauty contest in Las Vegas. The media reported that she was very drunk during that interview and an incoherent mess. Laurer explained that she was partying it up and sick of being the designated driver. Stern also observed that one of her boobs kept popping out of her dress.
Stern began questioning her about the tape and if she sucked Sean Waltman’s cock and got on all fours. Laurer got irritated and said she might get sued if she said too much about the tape. Under further questioning, she did, however, say that no condoms were used. It was also mentioned that Laurer had been hanging out a lot with Tabitha Stevens so that might be a clue as to why she did the tape.
When Laurer began spouting nonsense about foot massages and a woman named “Melissa Cunningham”, who she said was on the show, but who Stern and the staff had never heard of, Waltman called in. He said he was embarrassed for her and wanted her to get some help. Laurer claimed it was Waltman who released the tape behind her back. He denied it.
Waltman said the reason he wanted Laurer out of his life was because of the way she was acting around his kids. He said she blew pot smoke in his 9-year-old daughter’s face and that Laurer’s friends were trying to get his young son to take a bong hit.
Laurer, in her defense, said all that proved was Waltman needed to be a better parent.
Laurer, who had also been arrested for beating up Waltman in front of his kids, denied assaulting him but then proudly boasted she slapped him around. She said she didn’t want to do drugs anymore but professed she would gladly do a line of cocaine if it were in front of her.
Right after that Stern appearance Laurer entered a facility specializing in helping people with depression, and she decided to stop drinking but not long enough to put out another tape with Waltman.
Adding even more to Red Light District’s dwindling largesse, “Another Night in Chyna” was the couple’s attempt at a sequel. The Hollywood Gossip.com website amusingly described it as “a worse idea than The Pink Panther 2.”
“Joanie is a huge celebrity that crosses many markets,” said David Joseph, president of Red Light District in defense.
“The first movie continues to sell extremely well and the prospect of selling another one was a no-brainer.”
“Seriously, who wants to spend Another Night in Chyna with Joanie Laurer nude?!?” Hollywood Gossip,com asked rhetorically.
“We can only surmise that fans of the steroid-laden former WWE star known as “Chyna” purchased it in order to see if Laurer had male genitals or not. If you wish to contact the company, it’s located in Hell.”
Ya gotta love those guys.
Once Laurer left the confines of the wrestling ring where her square jawed, chemically-enhanced persona repulsed some and turned on others, her life became a crash pad of booze, drugs and lost weekends.
Although she returned to the ring earlier this month as part of Total Nostop Action [TNA] Wrestling’s Impact! on Spike, she was hospitalized last fall after reportedly taking an overdose of Benadryl.
Laurer has also been the subject of a police investigation when a criminal complaint was filed by a woman named Gabriela Targos herself an actress and born the same day as Laurer.
Targos claimed that Laurer invited her to hang out in a motel in Sherman Oaks only to snap out and begin attacking her for no reason. Targos who has been friends of Laurer’s for years, claimed Laurer punched her in the face, dragged her by the hair, beat her with a wire hanger and threatened to kill her.
Except LA’s usual brand of celebrity justice prevailed. The City Attorney officially rejected the case, claiming there was “insufficient evidence” to prove that Laurer carried out the attack.
In 2001, Laurer wrote an autobiography titled If They Only Knew, and it was described as “an incoherent mess of self-deprecation, psychotic rants and swear-laden stories”.
“Miserable, pitiful, incoherent and shameful to read, Chyna’s ‘autobiography’ is an embarrassment of fabricated lies, bloated narcissism, vicious ramblings and constant yelling, yelling, yelling.”