> Jim of Bachelor Pad Prodictions writes on www.pornstarperformance.com: Except Derek, Mark, and Joel, who have their shit together, as is obvious.

I think this might be an appropriate place to post what isn’t very obvious to most of the other agents working this silly Porno Game right now:

1) The day before you’ve booked your talent for a job, you need to call and confirm the booking…for example, let’s say today is March 16, and I have 3 of your girls booked for March 17…call sometime during the day (which is before the sun sets) and say something like, “Hey Jim, are we still on for tomorrow?”

2) While you’re at it, make sure you address what clothing your talent is supposed to bring to my set, and please follow through with your talent that she does, indeed, possess that kind of clothing. For example, “Hey Jim, what does (fill in porno whore name here) need to bring to wear?” Then, ask your talent later if she has that kind of wardrobe in her Porno Travel Bag.

2a) Take a second or two and ask me if I’ll have make-up on set, and then make sure you relay that information as well to your talent.

3) Let’s make sure the talent is clear on who (or what) it is they’re fucking…this way, you’ll stop embarrassing yourself, and the girls don’t have to haul ass out of my studio under the guise of “forgetting something” in their car — or simply leaving — cause they weren’t told who their male talent was.

4) Ever see those cool little folders LA Direct gives their girls? You know…the ones with copies of their tests and ID’s? Score 15 genius points for Derek…no wonder he drives a super turbo Lamborghini Ferrari race car pussy magnet sled.

4a) If making folders is too costly, or too difficult, just make sure your talent has proper ID’s when they show up to work. Proper ID’s, according to 2257, is a US state or US Government-issued picture ID. For example, a driver’s license, or state ID car, or US passport, or a military ID.

4b) Take a moment and make sure your talent is indeed over the age of 18. If not, don’t take them to Korea Town and pay $300 for a fake ID in order for you to make a couple grand on the expense of our entire business…just wait a few months til they’re legal.

4c) Your talent doesn’t need off-camera lessons on how to fuck doggystyle, reverse cowgirl, or pile-driver. They’ve been doing that since they turned 13. It’s just a good idea if you want to keep talent around longer than a week.

4d) And if your talent is making money, they’ll probably stick around longer than a week…and if they’re not, they won’t. So don’t blame anyone but yourself for not getting them work.

5) Buck up and apologize when you fuck up. It’s another really smart marketing tool, designed by a team of Wharton College Professors to make clients happy so they’ll continue to remain clients. Here’s an example those Wharton Professors give their potential MBA students: Hey (fill in name here) — I’m sorry I fucked up. It won’t happen again…is there any way I can make this up to you so we can continue to do business?

5a) Don’t have your silly assistant call with a made-up excuse on why your talent won’t be on my set. Porno Land is a small land, and I’ll find out why she wasn’t there…and no, she wasn’t “sick” or “out of town”…just on a job that paid her more…even though I booked her a month before they did.

I think I’m going to train a chimp on how to be an agent so I can make some extra money…I’m fairly confident my chimp has the potential to be the 4th biggest agency all across the Porno Land.