from www.examiner.com – Looking to bridge the gap between your sexual fantasies and your real-world sex life? Adult film star and Penthouse Pet Ryan Keely holds the second in her series of Porn Star Sex Life seminars tomorrow (Saturday, November 20) at the Velour Lounge in New York City, in conjunction with www.UpYourAttraction.com, a website dedicated to helping men perfect their game.

Keely’s best known for her girl-girl scenes and is uniquely qualified to help with tips to satisfy women, offering perspective from both sides of the equation. I caught up with her this morning for a quick chat about how and why to make your sex life as fantastic as the porn you watch in private.

Q: As porn becomes easier and easier to access over the Internet and becomes increasingly popular with both women and men, one common criticism is that it creates unrealistic expectations around sex in people’s real-life relationships. But your workshops suggest that a lot of that fantasy we see IS attainable and CAN be reality.

There’s a real gap in sex ed workshops for adults. All I was seeing was either wierd hippy dippy stuff, or what were basically live sex shows, not practical advice. This workshop is designed to fill that gap, and really help real people. Porn Star Sex Life is about living out your fantasy sex life, whatever that is, and taking it to the next level. As my background is in porn that’s how were framing it, but the workshop isn’t about copying every detail you see on screen. We even do a section on things you’ll see in porn that you should never ever do in real life, and we talk about what has to be modified to be most enjoyable for the participants.

In some cases it’s different from what works when you’re on camera. Distilled, this workshop is an educational program that can help you, wherever you’re coming from, whether you’re simply inexperienced, or maybe a couple who’ve been in a relationship for 10-15 years and want to try new things. It’s about how you can really perform as a better, stronger lover. We really cover the bases for everybody, but the overarching focus is to make everyone’s sex life greater by providing colloquial and clear info about positions that feel really good, techniques that work effectively on the majority of the population, and the proper ways to engage in kinky or edgy sex.

Q: What’s the first tip you’d give to anybody looking to bring some porn star techniques into their real-life sex life?

For anyone in bed with a woman… Forget the alphabet trick! So few people give great oral sex, and it’s so rare that someone can perform great cunnilingus. PLEEEASE forget the alphabet trick: It’s a waste of my time and yours. I appreciate the effort but it’s not a very effective technique even though it’s so commonly used.

Oh, Jesus, it’s terrible. The thing is that there is a lot of bad sex advice out there. The reason I was comfortable calling these workshops “The Porn Star Sex Life” is that we’re not necessarily basing them on porn sex you’d see on film. It’s the sex that porn stars have off camera that inspired me. Although I never did boy-girl on camera, I’ve definitely had my fair share of male (and female) porn stars off-camera, and working in the industry I was able to spend the first few years of my 20s playing with sex professionals who were comfortable and open and just wanted to play.

I hope to help others really enjoy that kind of atmosphere and help them play with their sexuality in an open environment, or become the type of open person that makes others comfortable with their sexuality. You want to be confident enough sexually that people come to you looking to play instead of always being on the prowl.

Q: Your workshops and the Up Your Attraction website are mostly geared towards helping men attract women, and promise to help them “learn to be the lover of her dreams.” Where do you think most men go wrong?

Although the program designed for men initially, it’s been evolving due to the demand from women and couples. One of the biggest reasons I designed the workshop initially is that I started helping Josh Rosenberg with the Pickup Artist Project and UpYourAttraction.com and realized that there really is a group of men out there that are interested in and looking for ways to improve themselves.

I think communication and respect is where a lot of people fail in the bedroom. A lot of people fail to respect their sexual partners, particularly if it’s a one night stand or a casual thing, and I think that’s a MASSIVE failure. They think “Oh, it’s just a one night stand, I can be whoever, I don’t have to be a nice person.” What they don’t see is that it’s with those one night stands or casual partners that you usually have the craziest sex. You still need to respect them as a whole person, and even though you’re not necessarily dating them you need to respect them as an individual with needs and feelings and emotions if you want to make the most of the experience.

Q: Obviously you’re very talented at what you do. But being good at something and being able to teach it can be very different things: What makes you a good instructor when it comes to helping others with their sex lives? How do you translate your own experiences into lessons your students can learn from?

My first job in the adult industry was working at a female-friendly and couples-friendly sex shop in San Diego. I was the top sales person there, and the reason was that I took time to read all the sex books that came in and I was forward about talking with the folks who came in about what they wanted to do in their sex lives, what products could possibly enhance their sex lives, what’s the best wasy to approach a new technique, like trying anal, or bringing kinky sex into the bedroom. So that was my background before I ever stepped in front of a camera.

I’ve also spent a long time covering adult DVDs and recommending them to people. I’ve always loved helping match sex products to the right consumers and teaching them the right ways to use them. That background helped me when I did get on camera because I was already so focused on things to do in the bedroom (and I’ve always been very experimental, and working in adult entertainment has given me a chance to refine my skill set. So that’s what I am sharing with students now. This workshop is a very natural fit for me, and was a way for me to get back to my roots because what I really love is teaching people how they can improve their sex lives. That’s one thing I’ve missed in the last few years as a performer and I wanted to get back to using my knowledge, comfort level, and communication skills to talk with individuals and couples directly about improving their sex lives.

Q: I agree with you that the alphabet trick is no good, by the way. Where do guys get this stuff from? So what’s your advice?

I’ve licked a lot of p**** and I can confidently say the more you do it the better you get at it! It’s not something you’re immediately going to be good at the first time you try, and the same techniques aren’t going to work on everybody. You have to respond to your partner in the moment.

Q: What’s the most important lesson you hope any individual or couple comes away with after attending a Porn Star Sex Life workshop?

You can have the sex life you’ve been fantasizing about if you communicate to your partner or partners about what you want in an effective way. And applying a little bit of skill and technique, which I can teach you, doesn’t hurt. A good lover who respects and responds to their partner and gives them what they want has a way of getting whatever he or she wants, too.

Q: Are you planning more of these seminars, or taking them to other locations beyond New York?

The next one will probably happen in February, but the date isn’t locked in yet. We did design the workshop as a small-group seminar instead of a webinar or DVD so that we can address individual needs. If you have a specific question, I’ll sit there and talk about it for 10 minutes. It’s really about spending time with each and every person that comes so their needs are addressed. Once the curriculum is more set, we’re planning to offer advanced workshops and more specific courses. I’d love to travel with it. Right now there’s a lot of need in NYC, and spots fill fast, but I would really love to take the workshop to California sometime in the near future… we’ll consider going anywhere the need is!

To join Ryan Keely, McKenzie Miles, and Januar Sereph for the Porn Star Sex Life seminar tomorrow — or to learn about upcoming events — visit www.PornStarSexLife.com for more information.