Porn News

Barbecue at Wankus’

Porn Valley- Is Carl Calotny there? Tell him Meyer Benzlowitz called.

Wankus, once he sobers up, will probably offer a very colorful rendition tonight on KSEX, of events at Casa Wankus on Sunday. A barbecue interrupted the drinking later in the afternoon, but no one was pretending that this was the Pam Peaks cooking show by dropping boxers and roasting their salmon balls over an open flame.

Lots of the KSEX babes were there including Nicki Hunter, proud owner of a pet skunk; Katie Morgan, Michelle Lay and Flower Tucci along with their significant others. Lay was telling me a very provocative tale of a mouse running over her face, and Chef Jeff showed up with his woman promising a very interesting show Thursday night but wouldn’t say exactly what that was. In the past, Jeff was usually reserving his special shows for break up announcements. Lisa Marie and Jezabelle Bond were also hanging out, Lisa telling me about how happy she is with the positive turn of events in her porn career. I was attempting to record all the juicy stuff, but Nakita Kash politely suggested something about upgrading my tape recorder as I packed my reel-to-reeler away in a steamer trunk.

Dicky Nasty was off smoking his cigar and doing what guys his age generally do- i.e., counting their liver spots for amusement. Keri Windsor wound up half-in-the-bag but suspicions are she brought some of that bag with her. Windsor, who’s teaming up with Heat Party Inc. to do swingers events in Long Island, NY, got in some practice, apparently, by sucking feet and exchanging vague tales of a Jason Sechrest cock sucking incident with Wankus. Windsor seemed to remember details another way in West Hollywood involving Wankus dancing on the top of Windsor’s car hood. “A guy in a BMW pulls up and you go, you want to fuck him [Sechrest]?”

“No,” said Wankus, remembering it differently. “I said hey, baby, are you looking for a good time? He said, yeah. I said, Jason, take over. I got back in the car with you and YOU blew me.” Wankus tells me I’ve heard the story before. But I remind him that I haven’t heard the director’s cut.

“This happened in Vaseline Alley in West Hollywood,” Wankus explains. “It’s a little strip where gay men pull in. And they all sit there and look at each other. They decide if they want to take it to another level.” Wankus explains that Windsor called him that night and begged him to hang out with her. Wankus told Windsor he was going to bed but she insisted that he not leave her alone with all these gay guys. Wankus said he got there and Windsor immediately told Jason to dance on the hood of the car so those guys could fuck him.

“I told Jason I’ll dance to Britney Spears with you so you can get laid,” Wankus stated. “We both got on the hood and danced like a bunch of flamers so Jason could get laid. He finally picked up a guy. But I picked him up for Jason. I want to make that clear.”

From there, the four of them went to a nearby movie adult movie theater. “It was intense content,” Wankus laughed. “Guys getting fucked in the ass.” Wankus suspected, because he and Windsor were sitting there like a couple of chaperones, the guy wasn’t getting it on with Jason. “They were sitting there like a cute little couple but not doing anything.” Windsor then remembered the part about how she and Wankus moved away so Sechrest could get it on with the other guy.

“We moved to the middle of the theater and they were getting it on,” Wankus also reminded her. “Then you said I want to suck your dick. I said not fucking here. Let’s go out to the car.” According to Wankus, who lays claim to the only authentic version of the story, Windsor said they should do it in the theater. Wankus said the way the gay theater works, there was a crowd of guys all around Jason watching him suck dick. “So when I finally agreed for Keri to suck my dick- all of a sudden that whole crowd went over to us and they’re all surounding us. A straight guy was getting his dick sucked. So then she’s like you got to cum all over the place.” Wankus said, at one point, a gay guy grabbed his hand. “I pulled it back, aaaaargh.”

Against what might have been his better judgment, Wankus went on to blow his load. “And all you hear- this is the part that kills me- everyone’s going, ah, yeaaaaaaaah,” he continued. “A whole murmur of men. I’m going this is fucked up.” Windsor, who just happened to have a wash cloth in her purse, cleaned Wankus off. Then they went out to have a smoke whereupon they came across a cute girl.

“She’s puking all over herself and is pissing herself,” Wankus continued. “It was like she was drunk and OD’ing. She was foaming at the mouth. She was actually a cute chick.” Wankus said he and Windsor were calling 911. And when the cops showed up from half a block away they said, “Thanks a lot.” Wankus wondered what they meant.

“This guy calls all the time,” the cops explained to him. “He’s always doing this big puke-thing. It was a guy. But it was the hottest chick we ever saw. The cops are saying this guy is always playing this I’m dying shit. We thought we were doing a favor and trying to be nice.”

After the incident Wankus said he and Windsor went back to get the rag and noted that the rag was gone. “I’m picturing some guy in C-4, aisle 7 sucking the rag. Ooooooooooooooooooooh.”

On the other hand, my exchange of paltry ribald tales was with intern Splooge- KSEX’s contribution to the Stone Cold Steve Austin lookalike contest but a man with too thick of neck to be considered an intern. Splooge was of some impression that he saw Nasty once fuck a girl with eyes in the back of her head. YEARS ago, Splooge emphasized as if the detail about a girl with eyes in the back of her head might go unchallenged.

Is Lester Corshank there? Tell him Piers Lipnicki is on line 1.

I also hear that the KSEX car curse continues- that Alana and Chris Evans got into another car accident three days ago. They stopped at a light and were hit from behind. Alana has whiplash again and Chris supposedly shot dialog for a scene Saturday out of commitment but spent most of the time on set rolling around in pain.

But there was no pain at Casa Wankus as Wankus, a grown man who calls his penis Darth [whereas I call mine Sergei], encouraged everyone to get shit-faced and observe a recent cease & desist order. But we won’t get into those details.

“I’m expecting the cops here tonight,” Wankus, nevertheless, predicted. Had the cops actually showed, they would have discovered that Windsor has this thing about not using ass paper. Wet wipes, yes, but Wankus’ toilet paper was apparently not acceptable from the way Wankus was talking. To be sure, Wankus would have had Wet Wipes on hand had the Miami Dolphins been occupying the dumper- but not on this occasion.

On cue, Windsor, a veritable cornucopia of soundbites during the evening, stepped out of the shitter proclaiming that she needed powder. Unfortunately, the other KSEX intern, Powder, thought Windsor was talking about him. “I need some serious therapy,” Windsor later admitted.

Proof of that, is the fact that I got Windsor on tape at one point and have no idea of what she was talking about. “I’m not from outer space!” Windsor insisted. Sure they understood, someone was heard to say. “Sure is the answer you give your old dad who’s like talking about the bees and the birds,” said Windor, observant of the attempts to humor her.

But whether anyone believed her denial of outer galactic origins or not, didn’t stop Keri from playing camp counselor as she attempted to get KSEX intern Socks to join her in a stirring interpretation of Koom-Ba-Yah with Windsor supplying personal Foley effects including fart sounds. Notwithstanding the fact that, earlier, Windsor had conducted an exhaustive investigation as to how she got a cum stain on her pants leg.

Lending the mood to choral chanting, there were Christmas lights strung around the rails of the outdoor patio and matches were put to vigil lights. And, rumor has it, on a moonlit night such as last evening’s, the ghost of Selena Silver can be seen hovering over a computer making ADT posts.


Related Posts

ASACP Names A.W.Empire, iWantClips, Latin American Livecams Expo ‘Featured Sponsors’ for December

LOS ANGELES — The Association of Sites Advocating Child Protection (ASACP) has named A.W.Empire, iWantClips and Latin American Livecams Expo as its Featured Sponsors for December 2023.“Especially now during this season of giving and gratitude, ASACP appreciates the support it…

Screaming O Debuts ‘FingO Slim’ Finger Vibe

TORRANCE, Calif. — Screaming O had unveiled its new FingO Slim finger vibe, incorporating 4B and 4T bullets. The FingO Slim — available in Kiwi, Blueberry, Grape and Strawberry — boasts a silicone sleeve which fits over the finger, accommodating…

Dorcel Unveils Romantic Drama ‘The Price of Temptation’

European production house Dorcel announces that new feature "The Price of Temptation" is now available on DVD in the United States exclusively through Pulse Distribution.

LonBrook to Distribute BSwish in Australia

VICTORIA, Australia — Pleasure products brand BSwish has tapped LonBrook to distribute its line of pleasure products in Australia. BSwish, a rep explained, has also undergone “a vibrant rebrand,” including the launch of its Infinite range and LE Beauty Editions.…

Girlfriends Films Debuts ‘Lesbian Psychodramas 40’

Girlfriends Films has announced the release of the 40th installment of its "Lesbian Psychodramas" girl/girl series.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.