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Caffein Examiner: Deep Throat Energy more than just a Gag Gift

The person who writes this review apparently didn’t like the design of the Deep Throat Energy drink can. Whereas everyone I’ve showed it to immediately wants to know where they can get a supply. If nothing else, just for the vintage look which CE refers to as “goofy,” and “poorly designed.” But on the up side the review also has this to say:

Arrow Productions, www.xxxdeepthroat.com the porn house behind “Deep Throat” now bring you Deep Throat Energy Drink,www.deepthroatenergy.com fresh from the grion of the nation, Las Vegas.

This energy drink should push boundaries, ride the envelope of taste and hearken the drinker back to the heady sexy cocaine fueled days of the 70s, when Linda Lovelace the Porn Queen ruled in Times Square.

And there she is, in full G rated Pin-Up Glory, the woman who said she only could do those scenes in Deep Throat because she was on Meth and Coke, forced by her husband to perform on camera at gunpoint while beaten and abused. By the time that she became famous, the was already a drugged up abused and beaten prostitute, having appeared in rape and bestiality films. According to Linda, “When you see the movie Deep Throat, you are watching me being raped. It is a crime that movie is still showing; there was a gun to my head the entire time.” And what better way to honor that abuse and rape than glorifying her on a can of energy drink. But dont fret, she wont be getting any royalties from this drink either, as she gave those up and died in poverty in 2002.

My feeling is this – with such a great tasting and powerful liquid, leave Deep Throat alone and come up with a new line of drink, promoting all the Arrow Porn line. Use flesh and old film school skin to push the sleazy sex of your drink without resorting to the nasty design of this can. When I open an energy drink based on a Porno, I want to hear the Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka of the bass, the moans of Porn Stars of the past rigning in my memory. I want to feel sexy while drinking it, not embarrased. It would be more offensive to the general public to have a can of old school porn without actually supporting a film where heinous things went on during filming.

Taste:8
While the drink itself is in very bad taste – even though it’s flavor is very very good. It is actually a bit sweeter and milder than Red Bull, cutting down the citric quality of most Red Bull Clones. You dont have to shoot this past your taste buds to get it down, as it tastes quite delectable. Even the smell is pleasant and very drinkable. This is one of the few drinks that can make a Tuaca Bomb better than Green Monster. I only wish that the can was bigger so there could be more to guzzle down. As of aftertaste, it is not so great. There is an oily residue left, and an odd texture on your tongue – really. Still, thinking of what this film is about, I could think of much much worse for this this drink to taste like.

Nutrition:8
What I thought was most amusing is the comparison of the ingredients of this drink with the nutrients found in what you would imagine this drink would be all about. The product uses high fructose corn syrup, which fits nicely with the fructose found in the real thing. The energy drink also has a full supply of Vitamin C, ginseng and Taurine. Interestingly , there is a comparable amount of potassium, fructose, inositol, and B12, and even shares some enzymes with the real thing. Overall this drink has enough nutrients to boost this way past the novelty gift drinks these appeal to. This little can also has a whole lot of energy, wiring me up for a good solid couple hours. I am surprised they did not add protein or creatine, just to finish off the complete gag gift quality.

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