Porn Valley- Vince Voss directs at least one movie a week for Defiance/Torrid. You can mark that on your calendar. Monday afternoon Chris Charming, who’s scheduled to work in Voss’ latest movie, announces that he has the shits. I don’t know how often you can mark that on your calendar, but the fact that Charming elects to announce this sets him up for a lot of abuse from Voss who’s calling him Captain Knockwurst.

Thanks to his candor, Charming can’t make a move without diarrhea humor issuing from the director. Voss is saying under no circumstances will he attempt tricky camera shots underneath Charming’s balls today.

Before he makes a trip to the shitter, I ask Charming if he actually faked a pop shot for Chico Wang and, if so, exactly, how do you do something like that. If you know Charming he has a way of contorting his face that employs his lower jaw. Charming does the lower jaw-thing and says something about morons and idiots which I take to mean that Charming didn’t do this. Charming also says if Chico had a problem why is he only reading about this now on the Internet without ever getting a phone call about it. Other than that, Charming’s happy that he’s taking a trip to Germany this week and will be there ten days.

For his part, Voss is shooting some multicultural penile-clitoral slugfest but hasn’t come up with a title.

“Maybe I’ll call it Culture Club or Culture Clubbed, but it’ll come to me in a dream,” Voss assures me. The idea is to cast girls and guys of various ethnic varieties. I tell Voss what better day for such a salute than Columbus Day- no banks, no mail, no money.

Under those circumstances it’s pretty much a useless day to be alive, Voss concedes. I already hear from PM Finch that there’s Tiffany Holiday drama. Holiday has flaked the last two times Finch booked her and is flaking this one as well. I’m told the only time Holiday shows up for shoots now is when she needs money for weed.

Replacing Holiday is Tiffany Taylor, and Taylor’s a gem. Voss seems to think that Taylor looks like the daughter of the CEO of Google. A smiling, laughing, pull your pants down kind of girl, Taylor’s with L.A. Direct and is a good interview. Taylor’s supposed to be working today with Alexis Silver and Alex Sanders. The difference between Silvers and Sanders is about seven cup sizes. Silvers, a beautiful woman, is more than breast-abundant. Taylor’s never worked with Sanders but recalls the first boy-girl scene she ever did. It was with Kurt Lockwood and Taylor was ready to quit the business right then and there. She thought Lockwood was way too rough with her. But Taylor caught up with Lockwood not too long ago and apparently squared the beef. Taylor realizes it wasn’t so much Lockwood but the demands of the company who wanted that kind of scene.

Probably similar to the one being played out in another room at the moment with Keeani Lei, Charming and Anthony Hardwood. Maybe Lei doesn’t get the press that a lot of the other performers do, but the performances I’ve seen her in are sensational. This is one of them as she ushers screams usually reserved for girls whose company checks bounce. Lei’s holes are crammed with international cock and she’s lovin’ it. Voss is asking Lei to sing like Yoko Ono for him. Voss would also be happy if Charming would break out into a German anthem or something. Voss also asks Hardwood if there’s any Czech songs that he knows.

I’m always learning something new about photog Todd Todd. During an earlier scene, Tianna Kai is making some comment about where she gets her hair done. Todd’s saying, yeah, he used to be a hair stylist. Of course this is coming from a guy who wears a style usually seen in prisons. On top of that, Todd was a cheerleader. He explains the reasons. Imagine six guys at a camp with 3,000 women, he says.

Charmane Star who’s working with Kai in a g/g scene mentions that her boyfriend who’s Indian lives in Canada. Todd assumes that he must wear a turban on his penis. Star’s been in the business about six years. Voss says he saw her on the Playboy Channel the other night and right away switched the channel to Playboy Espanol. Star’s getting her pretty Asian chops busted all morning.

“Get dressed- go away, you bore me,” Voss tells her and Kai after they’ve wrapped their scene. “You go…now!”

I didn’t know Voss spoke Vietnamese.