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Christian as Joe the Plumber?

Not that I have anything against Larry Flynt or Hustler Video but if I have to read one more wire service story about this goofy Sarah Palin sex tape I’m going to regurgitate like some spindly 95 pound waif in a Max Hardcore movie.

Let’s understand one thing, shall we? Palin is not sexy, is as far from sexy as Alaska is to California, and every move this woman makes is orchestrated hooey. The eye wink is practiced, the rest of her as mechanical as an indoor bull ride. However, the stupidity is genuine. Which doesn’t change the fact that Palin is a politician and politicians are not normal or real people.

And having dealt with politicians for ten years in a job from long ago, I can say this without too much fear of contradiction.

Every move they make is for the mirror or the camera. They hang out with other politicians who feed off one another in private cliques, regale in their own weird hubris, and have an amazing sense of entitlement.

So when a politician comes across a real person and manages even semi-detached contact with one of them, it becomes a big deal for them. Picture the scene from the Planet of the Apes when the apes snare a human. This is what it amounts to.

Hence Joe The Plumber. All of a sudden Joe the Plumber, aka Joe Wurzelbacher, is on every politician’s tongue because he managed to be in the right place in his moment of history and now is being treated like some rare zoo exhibit by McCain and Obama.

Obama had a conversation with Joe during a political rally in Ohio. Wurzelbacher, apparently looking to start his own business, is worried about the Obama tax plan, asked him about it, then later told Katie Couric, who fits into her own category, that Obama tap danced an answer almost as good as Sammy Davis Jr.

Because McCain and Obama are now wrestling over territorial rights to Joe, we had to bear with multi-occasional references to him during the Wednesday night debates. And now the Internet is picking up on this complete and utter nonsense. But I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a Joe The Plumber action figure deal already in the works.

To which I say make another porn movie, this time calling it, Joe The Plumber. The title’s obvious, it’s got shocking bathroom innuendo, and Christian’s the only man to play the part. There can be no other.

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