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Cytherea Party Tonight

Porn Valley- Cytherea has got a pretty busy schedule coming up. Last Thursday she announced that she’s forming her own production company, Cytherea Productions, Inc. And tonight, she’ll be hosting a launch party to officially christen the company, as well as to celebrate her 23rd birthday.

The launch party is set for the Key Club on Sunset Strip where there’ll be a V.I.P. room for industry members, while the main section of the club will be open to the public.

Cytherea has booked some very big-name bands to perform at the party and has announced a contest for the sexiest dressed woman who stands to win $500. KSEX will also be broadcasting live from the club tonight.

It should also be noted that the KSEX Thursday 5 pm time slot includes Cytherea who’s teaming now with Plus One, aka Brian, and Harry Weiss. During the show, Cytherea noted that she was scouting for talent. “For our new pilot for Playboy,” she said. Plus One also laughed about the fact that there was a newspaper announcement heralding Cytherea’s party.

“Who has their birthday party advertised in the newspaper besides psycho crazy bitch Cytherea?” he asked, noting that a case of Cytherea watches came in the mail. “God help me if I ever forget to wear this fucker. Forget the watch, lose a nut.” It was also noted that Cytherea’s the new publisher of Lollipops Magazine in which Cytherea’s interviewed in the recent issue.

“It talks about Cytherea and how she can squirt,” said Plus One. “It talks about KSEX radio and how you won a squirting contest. It gives information on the KSEX website. What does it give for my dumb ass?” Plue One read a reference to him as being cock of the moment and “sometimes director Mr. X.” It was also mentioned that Cytherea’s movie, Squirtwoman 2: The Drinks Are On Me hit the stores. “If you think Squirtwoman 1 was fucked up…” Plus One said Elegant Angel was running a contest. “You watch this movie and how many fuckin’ times you can count her squirting- if you submit the right number, the ten people that submit the right number of squirts win a copy of all of Elergant Angel’s October releases. Not bad.” Weiss made a crack about Cytherea doing so much squirting that beavers built dams. Plus One lent a hint that there’s over 50 squirts in that movie. “Pretty fuckin’ crazy.”

Plus One also asked Cytherea to bring fans up to speed regarding the exploits of Ultimate Fighter Aaron Brink aka Dick Delaware and his fight Saturday last. Plus One notes that Brink has the name Cytherea sewed on to his shorts. Plus One mentioned that the location was kept hidden. “Because no one wants to know where these criminals are beating each other up.” Doing the Ed McMahon bit, Weiss asked how long it took to get to the location. Plus One said it took five hours from the time they loaded up the car. Plus One explained that it took that long to get there because the venue kept getting switched. All told, five different times. “They didn’t want the police knowing.”

Cytherea reported that Brink knocked his opponent out in 45 seconds.

“It was a nationally-ranked fighter so this means that Aaron Brink- the pornographic puncher- gets to travel to New York for the next Ultimate Fighting challenge.”

Plus One talked about one bout that featured a guy 6’6, 345 pounds. And this guy was the challenger. “Who the fuck’s going to beat this guy?” Plus One wondered. “The champion coming in at 7-foot, 385 pounds- oh, that guy? He proceeds to stand on this guy’s right foot, beats the living shit out of him, knocks him completely out cold and keeps hitting and spinning this guy around. As the guy’s spinning around, no one realizes that his ankle is just becoming more and more and more dislodged as he turns and flips. Now he’s out cold, the bone’s sticking through the leg.” Plus One laughed about the stretcher of the day being a card table. “They lay down the card table- put this big giant fuck on there and have four other fighters lift him over the ropes and then take him out of there.”

Plus One reported that Tito Ortiz also showed up. “Quite possibly and arguably the single greatest fighter on the face of the planet.” Plus One said Ortiz was hanging around and taking pictures with him, Cytherea and Brink.

“And this Chinese guy comes up and starts grabbing Cytherea’s tit. She had it out- it wasn’t a covered tit. But it was her tit nonetheless. Cytherea says don’t grab my fucking tit. He’s so-sorry, so-sorry. He runs off to the side.”

Then the guy, according to Plus One, grabs the tit again. “She tells him don’t grab my fuckin tit. Pictures snap. Picture snap. Tito Ortiz looks around what-the-fuck.”

When it happened the third time, Cytherea, according to Plus One, grabbed the Chinese guy by the throat. “Runs him across the room.” Cytherea said she was going to break the guy’s Adam’s apple. Plus One said the event was going to be broadcast on Fox Television and KSEX should be happy with the fact that Cytherea was wearing a KSEX shirt.

That’s about when Plus One decided to jump into the fray. He was told by the Chinese guy that he was just having fun.

“You’re not having fun- you’re grabbing another dude’s chick’s tit. What the fuck is wrong with you? Then I told him this is how I have fun- POW- I hit him in the face. Turns out he is trained by a man named Osama who runs probably the second largest dojo, ultimate fighting school in all of California.”

Cytherea said there were maybe five guys the size of Aaron Brink now hunting Plus One. “I’ve got this entire dojo hunting me because I disrespected one of their fighters,” said Plus One. Plus One reported that he was literally in a back corner, changing shirts.

“Ducking down, hiding, whatever the fuck I can. Three things saved my ass- Aaron Brink being the big nasty badass well-respected that he is. And even he came up to me and said you might want to lay low. I can fight a few but five or six is too much for me.”

Then Tito Ortiz came to Plus One’s defense. Ortiz told the dojo that the guy was a prick. “Didn’t matter- they were still going to hunt me down and kill me.” What saved Plus One’s ass was Osama.

“God bless him,” said Plus One. “The fuckin’ grand master- wizard- trainer himself. Hears wind of what his fighter did to Cytherea and my response. Walks up to his fighter and proceeds to bitch slap and beat the fuck out of him in the back of the room for disrespecting his dojo at a professional fucking event. As he should have.” Plus One said if he had more info he’d be plugging the dojo every day for Osama’s saving his fat ass.



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