PORN VALLEY, CA – Hello class. Welcome back to Adult Media First Grade English Study. I’m your substitute teacher, Professor Lewis. Today, we’re going to go over a piece written by one of our entry level porn journalists, Steve Banan.
Steve, won’t you come to the front of the class and read your composition for everyone?
“Yes, Mr. Lewis.”
First Steve, let’s look at the heading in the e-mail you sent to the entire adult industry, as well as your 41 million readers and your offices in New York, Chicago, Geneva, Baghdad, Mongolia, Bakersfield, Salem, Bangkok, Rome, Scotland, Peru, Tallahassee and Guam.
In the heading you represent yourself as:
—– Original Message —–
From: Banan Emtertainment Group
Already, we have a spelling error, unless you have come up with a brand new company name that includes Emtertainment as some trendy word that kids across the world will use when they describe a good Rave party or something.
Let us now go through the article, line by line.
Today In New York, after several meetings with many network broadcasting companies, producer, director, and publicist Steve Banan made this announcement to the press. (?) He intends to introduce the entire cast, of the piloted show “Porn Star Camera” to the network executives and the press() at a star studded gala party in Century City, California.
No need for a comma after director.
You tease that Steve made the following announcement and follow it without quoting the announcement. If you do not plan to quote Steve then cut it short and neat by saying something like: “…publicist Steve Banan announced to the press his intentions to introduce the entire cast….yaddy yaddy.”
No comma after “cast.”
Add comma after “press”
Steve Banan( ) the consonant publicist said, “My show “Porn Star Camera” will knock the socks off of the network executives…
Add comma after “Banan”
Just out of curiosity, if Steve is a consonant publicist, are there others that can be considered “vowels?”
“Quotes within quotes is tacky. Use another way to make the phrase stand on it’s own.
…My intention is to shoot the pilot for Showtime. They were the first to express an interest in the project. I must be honest; I have seen and talked to many networks executives here in New York and on the West Coast. Several( ) if not all, have expressed there interest in the project. The scripts are written, the cast has been chosen, I will direct, with the assistance of James Di’ Gorgio. We intent to go over the locations and setups for the pilot, the third week of December. As soon as we have that in place, we will move right into production.”
Semi Colon? What’s a semi colon? Put a period, start a new sentence.
Missing comma after “several”
Wrong spelling – “expressed THEIR interest”
Comma after “chosen” should be a period. Start new sentence
Remove comma after direct
Wrong spelling – We “INTEND” to go….
There is no one else; Steve would have considered for the host of the show then his long time friend( ) Ron Jeremy. Ron’s co-host for “Porn Star Camera” will be the very lovely Felicia Fox and the insatiable Nicole Moore.
No more semi colons for you mister! Let the sentence flow.
“For” works but “AS” would be better, preferably without the “the”
Add comma after “friend”
Insatiable is a good word. But it means impossible to satisfy. Do you really think Steve wants people knowing he can’t satisfy his wife? Just a thought.
After reviewing your piece, for today’s class I’m going to give you a D-. This grade of course improves on your last few, but as you can see, we still have a lot of work ahead of us.
For tonight’s assignment, I want you to write a piece, 300 words or less, about ANYTHING that doesn’t include the names Steve Banan or Nicole Moore. You will also be required to submit the definitions of any “BIG” words you use on a separate piece of paper, just so I’m confident you know what they really mean and how they should be applied.
Unfortunately, that’s all the time we have. Keep studying class and don’t forget, tomorrow we’re going to study some of the creative grammar of Dennis Hof on the NVBrothels.net web site!
[BELL RINGS]