Last week I watched a video showing female ejaculation and, well, damn. First viewing: whoa, what was that? Second viewing: yup, that really happened. Third viewing: I wanna do that! But I haven’t, and neither had any of the women I spoke to in preparing for this article. Damn. So I did some research. Read, assimilate and, if it appeals and you’ve got the proper anatomy, take it home and work on soaking the sheets with fresh loads of girl spunk.

Female ejaculation is not a myth or an invention of the porn industry (though I suspect some productions fake it with squirty dildos or something), and frankly, I’m annoyed that it’s not more commonly discussed. Since scientific research confirmed its existence in the early ’80s, more and more women have reported experiencing a fluid release of some kind before or during orgasm. It’s kinda hard to know how many women do it; different surveys estimate anywhere from 10 percent to 69 percent of women have at least once. We’ll just say it’s cool if you do and it’s cool if you don’t.

So where does the jizz come from, exactly? Folks who research such things agree that at least some of the fluid comes from the periurethral sponge, a.k.a. the G-spot. This tissue is analogous to the male prostate, and similarly, during arousal it gets all engorged and its little tubes fill with fluid very much like the stuff in the prostate. For some women, when the G-spot is properly stimulated, the fluid comes dribbling or spurting out, usually with orgasm.

Many sexologists believe that the itty-bitty periurethral glands probably don’t produce more than a few teaspoons of fluid at most and that if women really are spurting half-liters, the rest must come from the bladder. Though one male sexologist likens this “additional” fluid to “watered-down piss,” most scientific studies and laymen testimonials report that it is entirely unlike pee. Weird fact: One study found that women can produce “bladder” ejaculate in a few minutes even if their bladders are emptied right before stimulation and they haven’t been drinking a bunch of fluids! Chemically, ejaculate’s got a different composition than urine, and folks report it as being sweet, fresh-smelling, and so clear that it doesn’t stain.

Different women give rather different testimonials about what ejaculation is like. Some report a general release of fluid from the vagina with orgasm, some a distinct feeling of gushing from the urethra, others feel nothing different but find a big ol’ odorless wet spot on the sheets when they’re done. Described scientifically, the stuff should be coming from the urethra (the pee-tube), not the vagina, but some people report vaginal flash floods, so who knows? “The Good Vibrations Guide: The G-spot” points out that, given the wide range in production among women who know they ejaculate (from a quarter teaspoon to almost a quart), it’s probable that most women actually produce some amount of fluid but don’t notice.

If you’re curious about learning to squirt noticeably, some ideas: First, don’t focus too much on “achieving” ejaculation-performance anxiety is a sure-fire mojo killer. Second, women with well-toned PC muscles are more likely to squirt (and generally have better orgasms), so do your Kegels regularly. Many women ejaculate only after they’ve “primed the pump” with a few orgasms, others come on their first one. The common theme seems to be extreme arousal and direct G-spot and clitoral stimulation for an extended time. “Jenny Spray” (www.jennyspray.com) says that rubbing a spot directly behind the G-spot creates a vague sensation of needing to pee. She claims that if you do this for awhile while masturbating and flexing your PC muscles, you’ll eventually get a sensation of needing to pee or wanting some sort of release, at which point you should, you know, do it. Put some towels down.

In closing, I want to stress that I’m not promoting the absurd idea that some kinds of orgasms are better than others. As finals approach, I think we’ve all got quite enough to worry about without trying to out-squirt porn stars. But you must admit, it’d make a great party trick.

The Daily Californian