Porn Valley- It’s Jim Powers as you’ve never seen him before. That’s if you arrive on the set in Encino about the time Powers does, which is early Monday morning. Powers senses something wrong from the get go.

Like someone who had just been served Provalone instead of Swiss at Subway Sandwich, Powers is yelling that this isn’t the right house. And he’s on the phone for the next 45 minutes making that point. Powers is supposed to shoot a comedy today but from what’s being said it doesn’t sound too funny.

Powers is talking to someone named Sharon.

“You sent me pictures specifically!” Powers is saying, indicating that he agreed on a certain location which was apparently changed at the last minute without his knowing about it.

“I would never have shown up here!” he growls.

According to Powers, the house is all wrong for the type of movie being shot. He wanted something that looked lived in.

Searching for a line to top the one before, Powers, however, thinks it would be perfect if you were shooting a drug dealer movie.

“This is a porn house!” he’s now insisting. Well, it is a vast, echoey manse furnished as though Marie Antoinette coughed up a fir ball. The house ain’t Christmas in Connecticut.

“No one would live here except a pimp and a couple of whores,” Powers continues. “This is so tacky. It has a Persian flair. It was just the Persian New Year. I guess we’re celebrating it.”

Powers next imagines something out of a Buck Adams script with Adams and Wayne Summers barreling through the front door, guns blazing, helicopters landing on the front lawn.

“And Summers with his balding hair pulled back in a ponytail,” Powers muses.

Johnny Thrust, who somehow got in the middle of all this drama with Sharon tells Powers, “You’re director of the year- you can come up with something.” Just the day before, Thrust celebrated his ninth wedding anniversary.

Powers is now protesting in overdrive, making a joke of his angst.

“This house has no soul,” he tells Thrust. “There’s no history here. It has no personality. I only try to make classics and no classics can be made in a house that has no soul.”

Meanwile Jason Silver’s looking at the script Powers just handed him and Silver’s agreeing that this is probably the best MILF movie he’s seen in a long time. At least on paper. It’s titled almost obviously, “The Milf.” Powers is shooting it for Sin City.

Darryl Hanah’s playing one of the older women who seduces two skateboarders. Warming up in the bullpen, Hanah’s working a black dildo in her ass, corkscrew fashion.

Batman and Dr. X [sounds like a comic strip] are hanging out and discussing how they got corkscrewed by Rinaud West at Adultcon. Tony Batman says he and Dr. X are walking up and down the aisles Saturday, doing what they do, pointing mikes and interviewing girls when West’s goon squad surrounds them telling them to beat it, basically.

“We have our own people to do that,” Batman’s told, indicating that Adultcon’s entertaining it’s own internal press,now, thank you, seeing as how West has made himself persona non grata with just about anyone who can hold a pencil.

I hear from another source that ClubJenna contract girl Sophia Rossi had to pay for her own cab ride either to or from a set. But Powers wants to make it clear he’s not going cheap for this shoot what with the triscuits and the melted cheese.

Johnny, the owner of the house, stops by and asks Powers what he thinks.

“Are you moving in or moving out?” Powers wants to know. Johnny, who might pass for Wayne Summers at a distance, really doesn’t have an answer to that question.

Hanah’s long semi-nude body now coils over the edge of a couch as she teases the skateboarders played by CJ and Johnny Sin. Hanah’s the MILF’s MILF- you won’t see a lot of red plaid skirts and white knee socks in her ensemble.

According to Powers, CJ used to dive for puka shells in Florida before he got into the business and, hence, has earned the nickname. Whereas Sin, like Skeeter Kerkove, favors bandanas. With a straight face, Power says the movie is all about puka shells and bandanas.

“Accessorizing- that’s what the male talent are doing now,” says Powers. “The key is accessorization.”

“Be a total whore,” Powers then tells Hanah. He says he wants echoes jumping off the walls.

Johnny Thrust is off taking a piss and its heard echoing off the walls.

“Such a large pee for such a little man,” Silver mutters.