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Lauren Phoenix New Starlet at XRCO-update

Porn Valley- For anyone of the belief that the XRCO awards body is this obeisant lap dag which follows meekly in the wake of AVN, there was a couple of surprises Thursday night. Not the least of which was the fact that the luscious and leggy Lauren Phoenix was selected as New Starlet. Damn. Phoenix, who emerged victorious from a group that included AVN’s pick, Stormy; along with Ashley Blue, Jesse Jane and Kaylani Lei, was not only gracious but a lot of fun hangin’ out at the bar accommodating you with Marilyn Monroe peek-a-boo poses.

Then, of course, there was the New Stud pick in which Ben English, in what was really a one-on-one re-match with Kurt Lockwood from the AVN show, again prevailed. Even English, who talks like Dick Nasty but can be understood, acted a bit stunned, although he didn’t pose at the bar in a manner similar to Phoenix. But Lockwood, who was standing next to me when the results were announced, shrugged his weight trained shoulders, like, can a guy with tattoos buy a break in this town. Lockwood, who would have certainly prevailed if the contest came down to hair, muttered something about laughing all the way to the bank.

Meanwhile, there was the show’s M.C., Evan Stone, who had enough coif for both men- Stone dressed for the evening either like Tom Cruise’s second cousin from Interview with a Vampire or Russell Crowe’s first mate in Master and Commander. Maybe I was in the bathroom taking a piss but it was never made clear why Stone, doing dervish twirls when occasion warranted, was parading in a pair of pants designed to read every graphic contour of his balls. [I’m later told he was doing Fucko the Clown which fuckin’ explains it.]

Perhaps it was a throwback to New Zealand a couple of weeks ago where Evan reportedly romanced Syren by wearing form-fitting lycra spandex.

And it must have worked because Syren shared the stage with Stone during the evening while Evan’s ex, Jessica Drake, appeared to be at the elbow of Wicked director Brad Armstrong. Armstrong, who got a royal butt fucking from ex-wife Jenna Jameson in her new book, was nice enough to spring for a drink but of the concern why, of the 597 pages, I decided to land on those that found him sticking a finger up Jameson’s ass. Someone takes me aside and speculates how long the Jessica Drake-Armstrong pairing will last. Forever, I suggest, unless Drake writes a book.

Pandora Dreams is the Heart-On Girl. Heart is the wrong part of the anatomy in discussing Dreams who could beat Chuck Martino in a teeth contest. Also on stage most of the evening was Belladonna, pregnant, wearing a belly dancer outfit. Where’s Diane Sawyer, you might ask, for solemn occasions like this?

Another thing I noticed. There were no speeches about how the XRCO is the only award show that matters. Then, again, the person who used to make them is now working for AVN.

Sabrine Maui was named Unsung Siren in a field that included Ander Page, Audree Jaymes, Velvet Rose and Gen Padova.

And did I mention how hot Lynn Lemay looked? Accompanying Lynn was Nick East- graying at the temples in a way that men tend to mature handsomely. Nick, my candidate if ever a porn star gets abducted by a UFO, has finished writing a 210-page book he tells me. From years past, I’ve known Nick, who came into the business in 1990, to be a conspiracy theorist on a black belt level. Not anymore. He tells me that he’s moving away from that territory. “It’s a spiritual autobiography written by a porn star,” East tells me of his book. “It’s a spiritual journey including porn, including acid, including Grateful Dead Shows and sex scenes- guardian angels, soul mates, you name it.”

Because I was on too much acid myself, I didn’t check out East’s footwear, but Lemay was wearing black pumps and I’ve been kneeling on the ground kissing it the past few days when it came to attention that pumps were finding their way back into the fashion circle. “I love big broads, ” the guy standing next to me mutters, obviously referring to Lemay. Which leads me to a similar discussion of Anita Cannibal who extended, besides her business card, every opportunity possible to allow me to fondle her tits. Anita’s a truly lovely woman with… great dimples, but I had no fuckin’ clue what she was talking about half the time. I tried swaying the conversation in the direction of Anita maybe coming over to my place to check out a vintage collection of Dean Koontz paperbacks, but Cannibal was having a what-the-fu discussion about Chamber of Commerce meetings.

Steve Holmes is named Unsung Swordsman in a field that includes Mr. Pete, Brian Surewood, Mark Wood and Brett Rockman.

And I’m still trying to determine what Rockman was attempting to accomplish with the Martin Van Buren look. Last time I saw Rockman- which was at a talent meeting during the HIV crisis- he was flexing his biceps which may have had origins attributable to something besides weight training. But Rockman last evening was twirling an incipient pair of bleach blond muttonchop sideburns to match his hair. I was tempted to ask if he was clerking for the Charles Dickens Surf Shop, but Brett introduces me to a very lovely newcomer named Genesis Skye. And this is where Shane, Reb’s son from Pretty Girl Modeling, steps in. Real old school, and all that, Shane politely introduces himself. Of course I know who he is. We chat about what Reb’s been up to in his retirement, but, more so, Shane wants to promote his new girl Skye and knows that has enormous reach. Because he approaches it in such a professional, orderly manner, it leaves me wonderin why most talent agents don’t take similar tacts.

Felicia Fox is named Orgasmic Oralist. Her strong competition is Aurora Snow, Ashley Blue, Belladonna and Kaylynn. As far as Orgasmic Analist goes, I didn’t get the name of the winner. Don Fernando persists in conversation while I’m trying to concentrate on what’s going on stage. In a field that includes Ariana Jollee, Aurora Snow, Belladonna and Taylor Rain, I would have gone with thigh and ass girth, so my guess would have been Lauren Phoenix. John Stagliano’s The Fashionista’s gets the nod for Best DVD and Mary Carey wins for Mainstream’s Adult Media Favorite. In that category, the competition included Belladonna’s biblical sacrifice on Diane Sawyer; a 50-foot Jenna Jameson on a Times Square Billboard and Ron Jeremy turning 50 on Surreal Life.

And for reasons similar to the Don Fernando ate my homework excuse, I didn’t hear who won in the Single Performance Actress category. But the nominees were Ann Marie in Metro’s Babes Illustrated 13; Ashley Blue in JM’s Gilvert 4; Ashley Long in Elegant Angel’s Compulsion, Julia Ann in Wicked’s Beautiful and Savanna Samson for Vivid’s Looking In. Recollection serves, however, that it might have been Long. In the Single Male Performance category, Randy Spears had two shots at it including his performance for Heart of Darkness; but Spears won for Wicked Pictures’ Space Nuts which also took the award for Best Comedy in a year where mirth was at a premium.

Contrary to the popular notion that Spears’ chief competiton was Brad Armstrong for his performance on page 424 of Jenna Jameson’s autobiography, it was actually Armstrong in Wicked’s Not a Romance. And rounding out the category was Kurt Lockwood for Elegant Angel’s Compulsion [last time we checked Kurt was still laughing at teller window #3 at Wells Fargo]; and Steven St. Croix, who also gets some serious manhandling in the Jameson book, for Wicked’s Improper Conduct.

Nelson from Legend thanks me profusely for running his press releases complete, unfettered and uncensored.

So I’m having a conversation with Robert Lombard. And because a whole weekend of whether to tan or not, hinges on one vital question, I ask him him if he knew whether or not Avy Lee Roth is the – as advertised- daughter of David Lee Roth. Avy Lee is supposed to be on this shoot I’m debating about attending. But Lombard, who hails from the Roth days of Van Halen, didn’t recall an instance of DLR producing either a wife or an offspring. But, as consolation prize, Lombard notes that David is extremely intelligent although you couldn’t figure out what he was talking about half the time. I suggest to myself that Roth gets introduced to Anita Cannibal.

Cytherea, whose main man Brian, aka The Dago Bomber, allegedly had an alibi when a limo got decked in the parking lot [names were named- his wasn’t one of them], emerged as winner in the Teen Cream Dream category. Her competition was Dani Woodward, Nautica Thorn, Serena South and Simone. And, in the din, it struck me that Julie Night’s name was announced in the Super Slut category. The competition included Alicia Rhodes, Ava Divine, Jayna Oso and Ariana Jollee.

In a follow-up investigation of the incident outside, I’m told that Tony Sexton and Dick Tracy were going at it and Dick, apparently got blind sided by one of Tony’s friends. It was reported that Dick had made some comments to Tony, and Tony went to the bouncers and had him thrown out. There were eye witnesses that tell me Tony, himself, got thrown out for his apparent role in the altercation.

Jim Holliday was supposed to deliver the introductory speeches. But, in Holliday’s absence, Bill Margold handled the assignment. And, with all respect to Holliday, who embraces spotlights like junkies the pusher-man, Jimbo might have lost a mocassin, or may have been on his way to the show but stopped to impress someone. In accepting her nomination to the Hall of Fame, Selena Steele paid particular credit to the late Mike Rick, the founder of KSEX, for discovering her. James Avalon as a director was also inducted along with Seymore Butts. According to Margold, who had as much to do with bringing Butts into the business as anyone else, he advised Seymore to find his video camera in a trash can. I would have picked Circuit City, myself, but Margold was obviously making an entirely different point about Butts’ attempt to emulate John Stagliano but with a decidely smuttier view of the POV world.

Wicked Pictures’ Beautiful got the prize in the Best Video Award, beating out Private’s Acid Dreams; Digital Playground’s No Limits, Elegant Angel’s Opera; and Adam & Eve’s Rawhide.

Evil Angel’s Flesh Hunter won in Best Gonzo Series as did Red Light District’s Breakin ‘Em In for Best Pro-Am Series. Ashley Blue was named Female Performer of the Year in a field that included Aurora Snow, Belladonna, Devinn Lane and Taylor Rain; while Manuel Ferrara emerged as Male Performer of the Year. His competition was Erik Everhard, Lexington Steele, Michael Stefano and Randy Spears.

By this stage of the evening, the crew from KSEX took the stage and brought the XRCO boat back into port. Making note of Katie Morgan’s new tits, as he has so often been doing on KSEX lately, suggesting that either he’s getting paid by the CC or did the actual procedure himself, Wankus began reading the categories.

In the Couples Sex Scene department, Jewel De’Nyle, who made frequent trips to the stage during the evening, won the award along with partner Manuel Ferrara. Next up, Jenna Jameson and Carmen Luvana won for their scene in My Plaything Jenna Jameson 2 for Digital Sin. Luvana accepted on behalf of Jameson. The Group Scene award went to Taylor Rain, Arnold Schwarzenpecker, John Strong, Trent Tesoro and Mark Wood.

Among the competition in the Best Director category that included Axel Braun, Jonathan Morgan, Michael Raven and Paul Thomas, it was Jules Jordan who made the winner’s acceptance speech. And it was Elegant Angel’s Compulsion that won in the Best Film Category beating out three movies that Vivid offered in competition including: Heart of Darkness, Looking In and Sordid. Rounding out the category was Trapdoor Productions’ Easy as Pi.


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