Back in the day, if you were a baseball fan, the big news was always an imminent trade between the then-Kansas City Athletics and New York Yankees with players shuttling back and forth between the two ball clubs like restaurant patrons to a Mexican bathroom.
On one occasion Yanks manager Casey Stengel was sitting in the dugout next to outfielder Bob Cerv. Stengel leaned over to Cerv during a game and whispered, “There’s a rumor going around that one of us has been traded to Kansas City.” Which was Stengel’s subtle way of telling Cerv his services were no longer required.
You see a similar thing going on in the porn biz between AVN and XBiz, with employees going straight from one publishing entity to the other. Nelson X who used to write for AVN is now with XBiz. Nelson X, if I say so myself, is one of the more talented scribes in the business and recently did a colorful behind the scenes piece about Lizzy Borden’s project, “Hollywood Icons Comes to Life”.
If you’ve been living under a rock, Borden served as guest of the Federal Government, having done nine months at Waseca Federal Correctional Institution in Minnesota as Rob Black’s accomplice on an obscenity bust, while Black got to enjoy 10 months at La Tuna Federal Correctional Institution in Texas. On a PBS special, Black dared the Feds to come get ’em. The Feds did.
Needless to say, neither Black nor Borden are shooting movies about pregnant women being raped in the ass any more. On their behalf, I will say that Rob and Lizzie were always a hoot to be around, and the two years I worked at Extreme Associates was the best time of my life in the adult business.
Borden, I know, has a thing about serial killers, but this new project brings out a different side of her.
“Aside from horror, I love Old Hollywood,” she tells Nelson X.
“I’m a Hollywood junkie. I love Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn. I’m thrilled that I get to do something like this for [Tom Byron Pictures]. It’s like playing dress-up with human Barbie dolls!”
The scene in question has McKenzie Lee dolled up in a black cocktail dress as Audrey Hepburn’s character Holly Golightly from “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.”
As crazy as it sounds, Hepburn’s character does the jumpsuit and caped Elvis [Anthony Rosano] which when you think about it, is a mix of metaphors and a bit anachronistic since one character’s from the Sixties and the other from the Seventies. But who’s keeping score?
“Basically, it’s an ode to old Hollywood,” continues Borden.
“We’re pairing up different icons like Audrey Hepburn and Elvis and making them fuck. You’ll see Raquel Welch sucking cock. Cleopatra fucking Julius Caesar. It’s pretty neat.”
Borden at least is on to the one thing I’ve been preaching. If you’re going to do porn parodies, at least do parodies about sexy people and sexy eras.
Batman parodies? Simpson parodies? Cosby? And now there’s a story that one more porn studio’s attempting yet another Star Trek.
What made the pre-hardcore porn era so interesting and, yes, glamorous, is the fact that the women looked extraordinarily hot in their bouffant dos, ass-hugging dresses and black pumps.
Parody The Twist era. Or do an American Bandstand satire, and you’d be on to something. But please, I beg of you, for the love of Cheesus, no more Star Treks.