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Lockwood Fires Back

Kurt Lockwood, has decided to challenge remarks made by Quasarman about him in a recent interview on KSEX,

Lockwood writes: After a fan sent me a link to the article which describes an interview between my former publicist, Jason Sechrest (on his KSEX show) and professional pornographer Mike “Quasarman” McCormack.  It is my understanding that “Quasarman” took it upon himself, when not exchanging flirtations with Sechrest, to use and abuse this very public industry forum to snake a couple of ugly-nasty-unwarranted-unsolicited-out-of-the-blue-low-blow-cheap shots at both myself and fellow male pornstar NICK MANNING. 

Neither Nick nor myself were there of course (‘coz we know that “Quasy” wouldn’t have had the sand to say such a thing to our faces) and thus we were unable to respond to this bit of petty, bitchy nastiness which I believe were along the lines of Mr. Manning and myself being “in love with ourselves.” 

Oh, really?  Well, isn’t that just a lovely sentiment to make and a totally appropriate and necessary one too, I might add. (NOT!)   I don’t know where this un-provoked bullshit attack came from (I haven’t even spoken to this mook in months) or what made “Quasarman” think that it was open season time on me (of course, when is it not?) and Nick, or how he ever thought we’d just sit idly by and let him disparage, disrepute and slander our good names.

Now, in the interest of fairplay, that is, of course, if the great and wise “industry spokesman” (what a fuckin’ joke that is) Mike “Quasarman” McCormack, is finished with his stupidity, please allow me to retort… 

Ah “Quasarman,” where to begin…   First off, the name, “Quasarman?”  I guess “Bitter, Jealous, Attention-Needy, Fledgling Drunken Dork” was already taken?  Hmmm, I guess “Misogynist” wouldn’t fit too well in that self-given superhero name either, huh? (Btw, giving oneself a superhero nickname wouldn’t be called being “in love with yourself,” too, now would it?  Is the pot calling the kettle black here? Hmmm…) 

I really have to hand it to you tho “Quasarman,” you bastion of humbleness and humility, I mean, how many other Quasarmen get to employ their own wife on the set, and then repeatedly call her the endearing nickname “Critter” (yep, I shit you not) in all earnestness in front of a set full of strangers everyday? 

How many other guys get to bark at their wives embarrassingly in front of everyone and order them around and talk down to them for all the pornworld to see like some medieval indentured servant?  It would indeed take the power of a “Quasarman” to accomplish such a powerful feat. 

Gee, you really are so down to earth, Mike, you know that I was only kidding those TENS OF TIMES I offered to pay for your marriage counseling ON-SET because I couldn’t stand how intense your arguments with your wife, er, “Critter,” were getting, especially when I’m standing with wood three feet away.  It was such a great honor shooting for you and how much of “just a regular guy” you see yourself as.  I mean, it was really great to hear you do all of those whacky “Simpsons” cartoon voices during the hardcore sex scenes.  Great timing.  Completely appropriate, too. 

I particularly like your use of Mr. Burns’ “Excrement” when I was working up the pop.  Not too mention, all the times you publicly lamented that you have to shoot camera of beautiful girls fucking me (girls that you will NEVER get to fuck btw) while you get to only watch and record away from behind the camera.  So sad.  But, hey, I’m sure your wife, standing only a couple of yards away, took it all in jest when she would hear you say right in front of her how horrible your life was because you were only shooting camera instead of fucking these girls.  I mean, hey, she knows how much of a HUMBLE HUBBIE you are, right? 

I guess I wanna also thank you for turning each and every shoot into MIKE “QUASARMAN” MCCORMACK appearing live at THE COMEDY STORE.  Who knew that when I signed up to fuck chicks for you that I would get to extend my time at work (something we all love to do, right?) by listening to your constant “Comedy Stylings.” 

I’m sure all those little bits are priceless (mercifully all captured on behind the scenes by your servant, er, “critter,” er wife, I mean.) ‘Coz I know that I don’t have anything better to do with my time than listen to your constant barrage of on-set “Jim South” impersonations, or your rants against male talent, or your rants against hell, everybody. Nope, I was truly blessed the day QUASARMAN shined his every-lovin’ camera light on me. 

It’s a shame we don’t shoot together anymore, QUASARMAN.  What with our flawless track record and highly-reviewed scenework, I don’t know if you can hear me what with your humility and all, but all in all, I think we really did shoot some good scenes together for your boss Greg (a man who cannot look you in the eye when he speaks to you to save his life which believe me speaks volumes). 

The scenes we shot together I had hoped would stand on their own merit and if we didn’t shoot together again, hey, that’s the way it goes in this biz, obviously it hasn’t put either one of us out to pasture, but further, I’d hoped there’d be at least no “bad blood grudge” between us and left you a message (which went unreturned) where I stated my hope as such.  How very disappointed I was then to learn that you had indeed taken the low road and took a senseless cheap shot at me in a public industry forum.  After months later!!?  Now, here we are.  What’s the point of starting shit now, Quasarman? 

And yes, you started this.  And this is so ridiculous and juvenile and you should be embarrassed and ashamed of yourself that is has come to this pettiness, Mike, seriously, you fuckin’ attention-whore big mouth.  You couldn’t just fuckin’ leave well enough alone, right?  You couldn’t do the one thing you never can do: shut the fuck up!  But I suppose I MUST respond now as you have FORCED MY HAND.

Therefore, as to your charge of “self-love” on the part of myself and Mr. Manning I guess my only response, and I think I speak for Nick here as well but I could be wrong, is this: GO FUCK YOURSELF ASSHOLE!  How’s that for self-love, buddy? Here’s some more:  Keep my name out of your mouth.  I come from the streets. I come from punk rock.  I’m letting this one go, Mike.  But, talk shit about me again and next time it’s personal.

Your friend in deepest humility and highest regards,



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