Porn Valley- I was under the impression that the baby-voiced Miss Howard Stern was supposed to be on the show today to promote her Metro movie. Instead she promoted her new boobs.
Stern heard that she was acting weird in the green room and being super talkative. “She’s rattling on and on and on.” The story was she was taking painkillers for her boobs. The boob job was apparently done a month ago, said Stern and observed that the painkillers made her talk a lot.
“You went real big,” Stern told her, noting the addition of new teeth as well. Advising her to leave well enough alone, Stern told MHS that the girl- Andrea- who won the contest was cute. “Leave everything alone. Stop already. You’re going to screw everything up.” MHS thought she was sexier now and Stern told her at 22 she was doing too much plastic surgery. Stern also caught wind of a lip injection. MHS said she had to do it. “I want to be sexy. I want to be in Playboy.” Artie Lange suggested that a brain enlargement might be a better way to go. Apparently channeling Tabitha Stevens, MHS said the next step was a nose job. Stern asked who was advising her. “Nobody but myself,” she answered. Stern began pressing her on the money issue wondering who was paying for all of it. MHS said she had a 74 year-old sugar daddy.
“He has a girlfriend- he’s not my boyfriend,” MHS insisted. “But we’re seeing each other. I really, really like him because young guys are stupid.” Asked where she found this guy, MHS said the Macaroni Grille. When MHS said her favorite was Pinot Grigio, Artie suspected that it was probably more like Pinot Percocet. MHS said she was on painkillers for another week. “I just got my boob job- like three, four weeks ago. It hurts really, really, really bad.” MHS was of the opinion that her boobs looked good and were really soft. They’re saline, she told Stern, that she would kill herself if they were silicone. “The way I fall and injure myself.”
Stern wanted to know the arrangement with the 74 year-old guy. “I have no arrangement,” she said. “He’s a sweetheart.” When the guy called her late for her birthday and asked her what she wanted, MHS told her she wanted a lip job. “Pay a $1,000 for my lips. At the same time I said I want my boobs done.” The boob job cost $5,000. MHS was also sporting a Louis Vuitton handbag paid for by another boyfriend. Artie said it was also a good thing she was dating a smarter older guy who could keep up with her conversations. Stern heard rumors that she was also losing a lot of weight and was down to 100 pounds. “And you’re taking the painkillers- that’s why you’re so loopy.” MHS said she was eating salad and grilled chickern.
With the marketing of her poster, Stern said she appeared to be doing well. Stern then prompted her to get into a bikini. Stern also wanted to hear more about the 74 year-old guy who apparently has a 26 year-old girlfriend. MHS says she and the old guy tan at the same tanning salon. “He’s not young but he’s a sweetheart.” It was noted that MHS had a two pill a day habit stemming from the fact that she came down sick from her boob job. Stern suspected that MHS had to be giving the old guy something. “No guy’s going to give you money just for hanging out with him.”
“I kiss him,” MHS stated claiming she doesn’t touch him. Stern wasn’t buying it. “He wants sex.” MHS kept insisting the guy had a girlfriend and that it wouldn’t work. Stern wondered how many other guys were paying her bills. MHS said she used to have another boyfriend. MHS said she keeps meeting obsessive, crazy guys. “They call me all the time. I can’t get rid of them. No matter what I say. No matter how much I tell them I hate them they won’t go away.” Taking an inventory of what she was wearing, Stern didn’t know how MHS comes up with all the money to pay for it. “I’m high maintenance,” she answered.
While MHS was changing into a bikini, Stern said he heard a story that she worked in Hooters but was fired after a day. MHS confirmed the story that it was because she caused too much attention as a waitress. Zolar called in and claimed he had dirt on MHS and would love to come in and spill the beans. Zolar said MHS had another sugar daddy who was 60. “I know everything.” Stern asked more questions but Zolar kept insisting that he wanted to come in. Stern said no deal that Zolar was always out of control. Gathering a look at her in a bikini, Stern said no wonder guys were paying her. “Those boobies look good.”
MHS kept insisting that she wanted to be in Playboy. Stern said he would pass the word along. Stern then tried to make MHS swear on the life of her mother that she did not have sex with the 74 year-old guy. She also insisted that she didn’t sleep with the 60 year-old.
“But you’re getting money from these guys,” said Stern. “I don’t get why they’re paying.” MHS kept giggling that she didn’t know, either. “Do they get to touch your boobs and stuff?” Stern asked her. It was then discovered that MHS reeked of alcohol. She said she had been up all night and was drinking along with the painkillers.
MHS also confessed that she was going through a custody battle and Artie wanted to know if her ex wanted custody of the Demerol. Asked where the kid was, MHS said with her father and that her ex wasn’t fit to have the child in the house. Stern complimented on her look in a wet T-shirt, and MHS said she won such a contest a couple of weeks ago. He asked how much she won. $500, she said.