Never heard of April Garris, but Shelley Lubben [pictured right] will be in Costa Mesa Thursday telling Cal OSHA what evil people the porn industry is.

from www.independent.ie – April Garris is a mum. She is bubbly, well-spoken and works as a service technician, fixing warehouse equipment around the area where she lives in California.

She is also an ex-porn star who appeared in 20 hardcore films, used crystal meth and was committed to a psychiatric ward after she reached rock bottom and wasn’t sure she could go on with the life in which she found herself.

“The whole porn industry is a twisted and destructive lie,” says April. “I was completely naïve about it but when the cameras were on I acted like I loved it. I told people about my voracious sexual appetite but the whole time I felt violated, worthless and empty.

“Unless you’ve been there, no one knows the dark side of the porn industry. I do and I’m sure if people knew the reality of what goes on, they would think twice before watching or condoning adult movies.”

Born in 1971, April grew up in southern California. An only child, her parents divorced when she was five and while her mum remained at home, her dad moved to Missouri where April would see him for two months a year in the summer.

She says: “I was never close to my dad. After I turned 13, I had no further contact with him. My mother was very religious and sex was never discussed at home. I grew up with a really skewed attitude to it and men. When I was 14, my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. She retreated into herself and I became very lonely and depressed.”

Despite battling feelings of isolation, April studied at school and got grades that enabled her to go to college to major in religious studies. While in her junior year and when her mum’s illness was in its final throes, April met and married her first real boyfriend and shortly after they had a baby girl.

April says: “I was in financial trouble. As a way of making money fast, I started stripping in bars but hated every minute of it. I was so miserable stripping that part of me thought making movies might be better because at least I would have more control over what I did. But I had no idea about what really goes on in the industry and what I was getting in to.”

April signed to an agent and started making graphic sexual movies. Her husband became her manager.

“I hated what I was doing, but after I’d made the first movie, I felt I was already trapped. I felt even if I stopped now, there was already a film out there of me that I had no control over.

“After a day’s filming, I just felt relief that it was over, but there was also a weird comfort knowing that I was finally able to make some money.

“I was making between $500 and $1,000 dollars a scene. I finally felt I was contributing to my family but at the same time I felt totally worthless and miserable.”

Submerged in the seedy underworld of the sex industry, April started regularly using drugs such as speed, marijuana and crystal meth to try and cope with what she was doing.

“I just wanted to be numb,” she says. “What I was doing was physically and emotionally destructive. I just wanted to feel absent.”

During six months in 2001, she made 20 films, earning more than $10,000. However, April lived in constant fear of contracting sexually transmitted infections from other performers.

She says: “One day I just felt I couldn’t go on. I wasn’t well and I was scheduled to film a particularly horrific and degrading scene with two men. I told my husband I couldn’t do it. I never made another film.”

After walking away from the industry, April became severely depressed and self-harmed so badly that she was hospitalised. A year later, her marriage collapsed.

She says: “I hated myself. My dream had been to be a vet, to marry and raise a family. Instead I was divorced and an ex-porn star. I had no sense of self-worth. I felt suicidal but too afraid to do anything.”

In desperation April reached out on the internet and found former porn star Shelly Lubben. Shelly started the Pink Cross Foundation in 2008, a faith-based organisation that offers to help men and women break free of the porn industry.

April explains: “Shelly was amazing. I went from feeling completely alone to realising I could use my experience to help other women. I rediscovered my faith and started counselling women like me as well as trying to raise awareness in the public of the reality behind porn.”

Now April is bringing her message to Ireland. She’ll be sharing her experience and knowledge at Dublin’s Sugar Club where she’ll be interviewed by Matt Fradd, who runs The Porn Effect, at whodoesithurt.com, a website geared towards helping sex workers and porn addicts realise the destructive nature of the world they’re involved in.

April explains: “There’s a perception that it’s harmless but I have never met a girl who honestly enjoyed what she did. What people see in a movie is far removed from the pain and degradation than goes into filming.”

Now clean from drugs and working as a service technician, April is moving on from her past.

She still worries about what films exist of her in circulation and she’s been unable to form a lasting relationship with another man.

She has on-going custody issues with her 12-year-old daughter and still suffers attacks of depression and anxiety, but she is determined to try and make something positive out of the experience.

She says: “There’s a huge part of me that is grateful that I’m in this position because I can help other people. I can educate and enlighten people and if I hadn’t gone through what I did, I wouldn’t be able to do that.”