Porn News

On the Set: This Ain’t The Partridge Family XXX- 6/11/2008

Porn Valley- There’s no doubt about it.

That Partridge Family song that goes “I Woke Up in Love This Morning”? It’s about a guy with an early A.M. chubby.

Then when David Cassidy warbles “I’ll Meet You Halfway” – it’s really about a woman allowing Ron Jeremy to put just the tip in her ass.

You start coming up with these things on a Will Ryder shoot. And this one happens to be titled, with the usual Ryder disclaimer, This Ain’t The Partridge Family XXX. It’s being shot at the LFP studios this week.

Having desecrated just about every aspect of family values already, and is in the process of more, Ryder defiles another sacrosanct relic from the early TV temple. Which is funny in some respects – making a porno about the Partridges – because, from all accounts, that show was David Cassidy’s private fuck pad.

And there’s rumors that Danny Bonaduce might visit the set by way of an invite. The Partridges, in no small way, paved the way for Bonaduce’s future psychotic behavior and excesses, as well.

Then, again, Bonaduce, who hosts an afternoon show on KLSX radio in Los Angeles, would have to stare into the abyss and look at the guy playing him. Which is Jason Sinclair, Belladonna’s brother. And, fortunately or unfortunately, Sinclair’s always going to bear that tag, “Belladonna’s brother.”

Some people would be wearing a parka in public to hide the fact, but Sinclair’s dyed his hair a red headed stepchild, Howdy Doody color which he’s also allowed to grow to a Danny-style. So, in that art-for-the-sake-of-art sense, you have to give Sinclair, an avowed urine addict [there was a hilarious piss mop episode on KSEX detailing this], points for balls.

Because this Danny-thing is not a look you want to drag into a biker bar. A bowling alley, maybe, since Sinclair’s accompanying blue slacks, white shirt, and matching white belt and shoes would fit right into the style jamboree at the Paramus bowling lanes.

Once you’ve gotten accustomed to the authentic Nick at Night vibe Ryder’s recreated, it really seems like the Partridges. James Bartholet, who’s playing the Dave Madden character, Reuben, is showing me the family bus which is the Coup de Resistance, the Piece de Grace.

Up close, this thing is a work of amazing detail and some disturbed mind has taken an existing bus and done a major exterior overhaul. The project alone should be worthy of some kind of award.

“They’ve obviously spared no money,” comments Bartholet who looks like, take your choice, either Shecky Green or a recovering used car salesman. What with the loud, window pane sports coat and burnt orange slacks he’s got on.

Scary to think, but guys, in the Seventies, after a shopping spree at the Sears men’s shop, normally decked out like this. For this reason alone, the decade should be stricken from the historical record. I’m also ready to suggest to Bartholet that if his new porn career-thing doesn’t work out, they’re always casting for a banjo player in The Music Man.

Earlier, Bartholet walked on to the set wondering what wise ass comment I was going to make this time about his wig. Just because Bartholet, on the Bewitched set, wore one belonging to one of the original signers of the Constitution wasn’t my doing.

Ryder’s even quoting chapter and verse from that article. My intention, scout’s honor, was to avoid similar remarks this time around, except Bartholet’s forced the issue. Granted, though, I was going to ask, politely, if he got his latest hair from the Ric Flair collection.

“Does this wig make me look fat?” Bartholet’s wondering. He might be joking.

“It looks like a haircut I had in Seventh grade,” Ryder muses.

Photographer Bill Diehl says Ryder has amazing energy, knowing this from the time they met on the way to Brazil for a Chloe Jones shoot. Diehl says he and Ryder wound up sharing a hotel room together, although Ryder was never there because he was out gallivanting and chasing women. Diehl then asks if I’ve seen Skeeter.

“I almost got in a fight with him one time, but I still like him,” Diehl says.

Ryder wants Bartholet to play this particular scene “broad”.

“Give me that line from the James Bartholet overacting school,” Ryder adds for emphasis.

Bartholet does a slow burn then goes so over the top, he risks getting chopped down by machine gun fire coming out of the foxhole.

“Was that BROAD enough for you?” Bartholet asks sarcastically.

In his own way, Bartholet with his Reuben attire is giving me mental flashbacks, reminding me of Ivan Yacker, the guy who sold me a convertible 1972 Karmen Ghia. A cold chill greets my spine with all this interior reminiscing, but not as brumal as the one Nick Manning gives me. Nick’s playing “Keith” and has grown his black hair down to his shoulders for the role. With bangs, Manning could be giving Bettie Page a run for the money. Fortunately, this is not the case.

“I’m a method actor,” Manning’s explaining to everyone. “Call me Keith or I won’t respond to you.” Manning mentions that he also dropped some weight to get skinnier and that he also took vocal lessons.

During a script reading, someone’s asking Manning for the whereabouts of the Red Bull.

“Every set hides the Red Bull,” Manning theorizes, his concentration broken. Acting on his theory, Manning suggests that a covert operation might be necessary to find a few cans.

Almost predictably, a book’s been written about him called Droppin’ Loads, a phrase which Manning patented. Manning talks about how a lady writer from Canada, who used to be a school teacher, approached him some time back. She wanted to do a book about the men in the industry which is what another writer, Susan Faludi, set out to do in her book called Stiffed. Except Faludi ultimately reduced the porn topic to a chapter or two.

According to Manning, after the writer had interviewed other male performers she found him, apparently, more interesting. At least that’s the way Manning puts it.

“She lived in my house for nine months and observed me like I was a silver back gorilla,” Manning grins. On top of that, he says there was about another year’s worth of phone calls which all adds up to a 300 page book. Who’s going to publish it, is anyone’s guess at the moment.

I also ask Manning what’s the deal with his adult store. Last time I checked, Manning’s landlord was trying to terminate his lease after three months, but Manning says the matter’s still in the courts.

“We’re suing him- the case is still active,” he says.

On another topic less Nick-related, every guy alive had a boner for Susan Dey, who, according to her A&E biography suffered an eating disorder while on the Partridge series and, subsequently, ate only carrot sticks which turned her skin orange. Rollicksome as that is, Ryder, wisely, elects not to go with this particular storyline. But he makes a very wise decision in the casting of Tori Black to play “Laurie” which was Dey’s character. Black is a good-looking dame in any man’s barroom.

Because her pussy is extra tight, Black’s telling Ryder that she has issues with men ejaculating too soon.

“And I don’t do a quiet scene,” she adds. “It’s fairly energetic.”

Since you asked, the plot concerns the fact that Keith has lost his love mojo and is in a deep funk about it. Reuben, the manager, wants him to snap out of it, especially with a big awards show coming up. Danny, the family know-it-all, finds an article about a love potion in a teen mag and says he’s willing to be a guinea pig and sacrifice his body in order to help Keith. With the predictable results. The family, including mom, turns into a household of raging sex maniacs. Only, the Partridge Family gangbang version is a title best left to Max Hardcore’s distributors in Tampa to deal with.

To get this plot point across, Ryder’s shooting a five-man master shot which is almost like a gangbang. And this is where the editor earns his keep by cutting in all the necessary reaction shots and Ryder, his, by getting all of them.

In this particular set up, Keith explains that he doesn’t want to sing any more because he’s so glum, so Bartholet does a classic double-take by spitting out his coffee. This bit’s going back to the 3 Stooges and beyond, although Bartholet’s content to give Danny Thomas credit as his inspiration. At one other point, Bartholet references Kookla, Fran and Ollie which is really pulling cultural references out of one’s ass.

Same as the last time, Scott David jumps in to tamp down Bartholet’s errant wig. Bartholet’s checking to see if I’m writing anything about this latest development. Although he didn’t read the original wig article, David’s laughing because the one-liners have been relayed to him almost as Old Testament lore.

David, Ryder’s business partner, tells me wait till you see the next shoot, The Beverly Hillbillies, that he had a 1926 Model-T shipped from Minnesota which does something like 25 MPH.

“It’s bad ass,” says David, noting that the Hillbillies project will be their most expensive to date.

And because I always had a personal stiffie for Shirley Jones and never forgave her for marrying Marty Ingels, I was wondering who was going to play her. Peyton Leigh. Under the blond Shirley wig, Leigh has hair of the same color to her shoulders. Leigh is slenderish, attractive and is playing her scenes without panties under her dress. Just in case some historian wants to make a note of this.

Leigh’s rehearsing some lines with Bartholet and blows a belch that could put a hole in a Kevlar vest. She had some bad sushi the night before, and it all started kicking in about an hour later, she says. Leigh’s still feeling it.

Bartholet asks if she ate at some place in the Valley, noting how the Department of Health was closing a joint which was supposedly drawing four-eyed fish out of the Santa Monica Bay. The four-eyed emphasis was Bartholet’s way of suggesting this was not a wise thing to do since the Santa Monica Bay has become the equivalent of the Los Angeles sewage system.

Bartholet next introduces me to newcomer Sara Jessie who’s playing a groupie. Put it this way. The other contestants in the Sarah Jessica Parker lookalike contest haven’t got a chance because the resemblance is way too startling, so the name is pretty obvious.

The good news being, someone, perhaps Ryder, already has a Sex And the City porn spin tailor-made.


Related Posts

Screaming O Debuts ‘FingO Slim’ Finger Vibe

TORRANCE, Calif. — Screaming O had unveiled its new FingO Slim finger vibe, incorporating 4B and 4T bullets. The FingO Slim — available in Kiwi, Blueberry, Grape and Strawberry — boasts a silicone sleeve which fits over the finger, accommodating…

Dorcel Unveils Romantic Drama ‘The Price of Temptation’

European production house Dorcel announces that new feature "The Price of Temptation" is now available on DVD in the United States exclusively through Pulse Distribution.

LonBrook to Distribute BSwish in Australia

VICTORIA, Australia — Pleasure products brand BSwish has tapped LonBrook to distribute its line of pleasure products in Australia. BSwish, a rep explained, has also undergone “a vibrant rebrand,” including the launch of its Infinite range and LE Beauty Editions.…

Girlfriends Films Debuts ‘Lesbian Psychodramas 40’

Girlfriends Films has announced the release of the 40th installment of its "Lesbian Psychodramas" girl/girl series.

Google Cracks Down on Adult Site Ad Placement Through Partner Network

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. — Google disabled on Tuesday its Programmable Search Engine (ProSE) marketing product from several adult sites, after an attention-grabbing report for an analytics company was sensationalized by two advertising industry trade publications. According to Google’s VP of Global…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.