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Scott Fayner Celebrates a Birthday

If you Google for a picture of Scott Fayner, you’ll get one, instead, of Jessica Simpson, Boy George, Luke Ford, Michael Jackson’s Thriller album cover and some attempt to take you to a Russian website.

What this all means in the grand Google scheme of things isn’t quite clear.

Author of , Fayner, we do know, celebrates a birthday May 19 and through a quirk of fate only missed having 4/20 on his driver’s license by 29 days.

Many rumors attend to Scott who grew up in Newton Massachusetts, went to Newton North High School and was heavily recruited by the DEA. Although the young Fayner politely declined saying he could get drugs much cheaper through other resources.

Said to be a product of old family wealth, we’re looking into an account that Fayner may possibly be the 23rd Viscount of the Grand Duchy of Lichtenstein with all its entitlements.

In an interview from several years ago, Fayner, a proponent of artificial stimulants and weekend getaways in hyperbaric chambers, claimed, at that time, he spent about $400 a week on drugs.

Given the rate of inflation, Scott has an awful bone to pick with the Bush administration. Author of a highly controversial term paper on post nasal drip, Fayner’s a graduate of the University of Hartford with a BA in print journalism.

However, Fayner took the degree literally and generally had trouble forming his G’s and K’s during frequent black outs.

Highly impelled by the ground breaking National Lampoon article, “How to Write Good,” Fayner pursued this vocation with aggressive nonchalance and came to the conclusion after many years at the trade that, while “writing sucks,” a good drug score is something you can always talk about with your grandkids.

Yet, with all the self-deprecation, Fayner might be described as being quite the stylist of the cockeyed metaphor but cursed with a poor sense of direction. Evidenced by the fact that while now an Angelino, Fayner tends to spend more time in Massachusetts than a dead Pilgrim.

Fayner in his peripatetic career worked for a spell as a bartender in Boston and made a strong policy of friendship with anyone resembling a Colombian. Fayner also likes telling the story of how his father would smuggle weed in his diaper from Canada to Massachusetts, only to convince an unsuspecting Scott that he had just shit himself a bad color.

Bartlett in its 2008 College edition, quotes Fayner as once saying, “I looked it up on the Internet. If you blast two eight-balls a day for three years straight, it will put a hole in your nose. That’s almost impossible to do.”

For those of you who have ever tried swallowing a cue ball, these are words of wisdom we can all live by.


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