Esquire magazine interviewed the world’s most famous legal courtesan, Sunset Thomas, regarding the current Tiger Woods imbroglio. Thomas, a long-time contributor to Esquire’s sex advice column, mixed tongue and cheek with thoughtful insights on the embarrassing scandal currently rocking the world’s richest athlete.

from www.esquire.com – News that one of the talented Mr. Woods’s alleged mistresses works in pornography got X-rated actress Sunset Thomas to remind us that “big names don’t mean these guys are big in other ways”

As Tiger Woods’s trangressions have come to the fore, we’ve been treated to photos of everyone from cunning club promoters to curly-haired crazies, all who claimed they putted around with the golfer. But one woman that’s not speaking is Holly Sampson, a thirty-six-year-old porn pro (above, at left) who’s starred in films like Diary of A Horny Housewife and My First Sex Teacher, Volume 18, and whom the New York Daily News alleged on Monday was one of Tiger’s mistresses.

Since Sampson won’t confirm or deny the tryst, we caught up with Sunset Thomas, a porn star (left) whose specialty is sleeping with celebrities, to find out why modern women talk to tabloids, whether Tiger could ever compete off the links, and what it might take to make Tiger’s wife (above, bottom right) a happy women once more.

ESQUIRE: How closely have you been following the Tiger story?

SUNSET THOMAS: Now that we know what a slut Tiger is, I’ve been saying all week that he should be in porn. He’s already got the perfect name — he wouldn’t even have to change it. In the industry, we call the studs woodsmen. So, I mean, that’s perfect.

ESQ: How often do women from porn sleep with men who aren’t in the business?

ST: Well, I’m known for being with celebrities. And a lot of these girls will give stars a discount, but I make them pay the full price at the brothel; everyone has gotta pay the full price. But, with the celebrities, I don’t kiss and tell. It happens a lot — and a lot of the girls who sleep with stars talk about it. They think it gives them bragging rights, and will make them popular. But I don’t need that.

ESQ: Tiger definitely doesn’t need that, either.

ST: Yeah, I don’t understand why a lot of celebrities don’t just come to the brothel [outside Las Vegas]. It’s safe, you’re not going to get any diseases, and we have a back-way entrance so no one even knows that the celebrities are there. Paparazzi can’t take pictures, and then girls don’t talk at the brothel because they’ll get fired if they do. We even have big party rooms, where you can sit and eat and do… whatever.

ESQ: If Tiger came to the brothel, how would the experience be different than with a trained woodsmen?

ST: With guys in the porn business, they kind of know a little bit more about what to do. With other guys, some know what to do, and some don’t. All I’ll say is that big names don’t mean these guys are big in other ways. And I just hope that Tiger’s putter wore protection [Gene sez: it’s already been determined he didn’t]; otherwise, he’s going to be able to start his own baseball team by now.

ESQ: I’m sure his wife, Elin, wouldn’t be happy to read that.

ST: Well the only thing that upsets me about Tiger is that his wife is hot and gorgeous. Why didn’t he just bring her along for the fun? I’m famous for being with couples — and we could’ve done a threesome together. I like couples because I can train the guys on what to do with girls, on how to go down on her, and tell the woman what to do with him. It’s so fun!

ESQ: What do you think these nine women taught Tiger?

ST: You’d have to ask Tiger that. But he’s got such a hot wife, man, so he must just not be getting it at home. Sometimes, with those pretty girls, they just don’t put out enough.