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From Goodfellas: “You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little fucked up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?”

I see that Rebecca Bardoux and Kurt Lockwood will be making their debuts tonight at the famous Comedy Store on 8433 West Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood. Presumably to tell jokes and regale their audiences with snappy patter.

Although I would never get in front of a live audience, it depends on the mood. I can be fucking funny, and, if I spend enough time at the computer and allow myself to compose a thought or two, I can be really fucking funny.

So, yeah. I know funny. That’s why I always hung out on Mitch Spinelli sets. Mitch in his dry way was hilarious and his dad, the late Anthony Spinelli, who’s brother Jack Weston was the resort owner in Dirty Dancing, was the most appreciative audience any wannabe comic could want. Anthony Spinelli didn’t laugh. He roared.

Here’s hoping that Bardoux and Lockwood have a roomful of Anthony Spinellis Saturday night. Like I said, I know funny.

Quasarman? He’s uproarious, but Rob Black is the best. When Black told that story a couple of weeks ago on his Internet show about sucking cock on Hollywood Boulevard and being interrupted by a Scientologist who wanted to save him, I was all over the floor.

Skeeter Kerkove could be funny like that, but the longer the day went and the more beers Skeeter consumed, a bullet proof vest seemed like a better idea by 5 o’clock.

I’ve listened to Rebecca Bardoux’s Internet show for several months, and if she’s funny she’s been keeping it to herself. But that’s not saying Rebecca isn’t slap-knee hilarious. Temporary restraining orders filed against former lovers, as TMZ points out on a daily basis, can be sources of great amusement.

And Kurt Lockwood? I can’t say for sure if he’s funny. I still have voicemails that prove otherwise, but I could imagine Kurt doing a three-man show with Skeeter and Jack Hammer.

Now Jack Hammer was a funny guy, especially if you pissed him off. I think Jack went to jail a couple of years for the last funny message he left a woman. Authorities call it terroristic threats nowadays which is a new slant on funny phone messages, which you can go to jail for.

In fact I got one of those calls the other night from a talent agent. It was side splitting, and I’m saving it for the cops because they’re good judges of comedy as well.

I remember not too long ago when the AVN award show was considered the comedy graveyard, so, again, best wishes to Kurt and Rebecca. Just don’t judge your audiences by the rest of this business.