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Week 10: The Ducati Garage Sale

[Dallas Morning New]- The Philadelphia Eagles rank ninth in the NFL in offense but don’t have an identity on that side of the ball. The Eagles have scored 156 points – but 56 came in one game against the Detroit Lions. That leaves the 100 other points spread out over seven games, which explains why the Eagles have fallen out of playoff contention with a 3-5 record.

The Eagles may find it difficult at Washington against a top-10 defense. The Redskins are 5-3 and have quietly forged an identity as an NFC playoff contender because of their defense.

The Detroit Lions lead the NFL in takeaways with 24. The Arizona Cardinals rank sixth in the NFL in giveaways with 18. That’s a bad combination for the Cardinals, who host the Lions.

The Broncos weren’t efficient with the ball at Detroit last week. The Lions defense scored two touchdowns on interception and fumble returns in a 44-7 romp over the Broncos.

Bucs coach Jon Gruden did a little campaigning for Jeff Garcia last week as the NFL’s mid-season MVP. Not necessarily because of what Garcia has done for the NFC South-leading Buccaneers but rather because of whom he’s had to play without.

His starting backfield of fullback Mike Alstott and Carnell Williams are both on injured reserve, as is left tackle Luke Petitgout. He’s also playing without four of his top six wide receivers (David Boston, Michael Clayton, Mark Jones and Paris Warren). Yet the Bucs have won more games (five) than they’ve lost.

With Larry Johnson on the sideline with a broken foot, an old, familiar face returns to the Kansas City starting lineup against the Denver Broncos – Priest Holmes. Holmes last started an NFL game in October 2005, when he suffered a neck injury on a tackle by Shawne Merriman. He sat out the 2006 season and spent the first six weeks of the 2007 season on the physically-unable-to-perform list.

Holmes returned to the field in October and now he’s back in the lineup. But, at 34, you have to wonder how much is left in the tank of a back who went to three Pro Bowls and scored a combined 51 touchdowns in 2002-03.

Holmes has four career 100-yard games against the Broncos, tops among his opponents.

Upset of the Week: The NFL schedule-maker has done what no NFL team could do this season – stop the New England Patriots. They have their bye this week. The Patriots are 9-0 and have a week to reflect on their accomplishments. But don’t count on it.

The Jacksonville Jaguars limp into Nashville today fresh off a 41-24 spanking at the hands of the New Orleans Saints. But Tennessee Titans coach Jeff Fisher knows better than to read much into last week’s result.

“If you look at their history, they usually bounce back after tough losses,” he said. “They bounced back after our ball game and got some things fixed.” The Titans visited Jacksonville on the opening weekend and upset the Jaguars, 13-10. Jacksonville rebounded to win four in a row and will bring a 5-3 record to Nashville.

The Buffalo Bills are a surprising 4-4 and favorites on the road at 0-8 Miami.

Watching the Monday night game last week made us realize Ben Roethlisberger doesn’t get enough credit for being a quality quarterback. He went 13-0 as a rookie for the Pittsburgh Steelers in 2004 and won a Super Bowl in 2005. His 2006 season was a mess in large part because of the fractured skull he suffered in a motorcycle accident that summer. But he’s back on track in 2007, ranking second in the NFL in passing efficiency to Tom Brady with a 111.9 rating.

Roethlisberger has thrown 20 TD passes with only six interceptions for the 6-2 Steelers. Yet when you see or hear listings of the game’s top quarterbacks, Brady, Manning, Palmer, Favre and Romo are the names that come up first. Roethlisberger should be right there with them – and not toward the bottom of that list.

The Denver Broncos didn’t make the playoffs in 2006 but were still awarded four prime-time games in 2007, including three Monday nighters. Last week CBS exercised a flex scheduling privilege to move the Broncos-Bears game on Nov. 25 to 3:15 p.m. for national distribution as the second game of the doubleheader – even though the Broncos and Bears are both currently 3-5. I wonder if the fact Broncos owner Pat Bowlen is chairman of the NFL’s broadcast committee has anything to do with the favoritism shown Denver by the TV networks?

If we had to choose, we’d say St. Louis wins its first game before Miami. The 0-8 Rams have a quality quarterback (Marc Bulger), running back (Steven Jackson) and wide receiver (Torry Holt). The 0-8 Dolphins are down to their second option at quarterback (Cleo Lemon) and running back (Jesse Chatman) and have already traded away their best receiver (Chris Chambers). The Rams are at New Orleans today and the Dolphins are at home against Buffalo.

The following is this week’s schedule followed by Sean’s Picks and the Adultfyi prognostications:

Sunday: Cleveland at Pittsburgh; Philadelphia at Washington; Atlanta at Carolina; St. Louis at New Orleans; Buffalo at Miami; Denver at Kansas City; Jacksonville at Tennessee; Minnesota at Green Bay; Cincinnati at Baltimore; Dallas at NY Giants; Detroit at Arizona; Chicago at Oakland; Indianapolis at San Diego 8:15 PM

Monday: San Francisco at Seattle

Sean from Porn Legends writes: In an interview with Adultfyi.com, Skeeter Kerkove made some serious allegations directed at Ducati Productions owner Kevin Rubio. One allegation in particular is that Mr. Rubio’s company’s warehouse is in fact his garage at his residence. To determine if this allegation was true, I went undercover posing as lost tourist with a Chicago accent looking for directions to Knott’s Berry Farm. Below are the top 14 things I found in Mr. Rubio’s garage. Special thanks to my wife, Puma Swede, for picking my games this week.

New Orleans over St. Louis – 24 autographed copies of the gay film “Young Gladiators” signed by Matt Ramsey.

Buffalo over Miami – An autographed pair of Craig Valentine’s wrestling trunks.

Tennessee over Jacksonville – 10 cases of Peter North’s Ultimate Male Enhancer.

Pittsburgh over Cleveland – MySpace account that lists Rubio’s age as 24 and a list of over 600 female “friends.”

Washington over Philadelphia – 2 cases of North Star Associates hair dye.

Carolina over Atlanta – Scripts for “Welcome to the Bunghole” numbers 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9.

Kansas City over Denver – 1 box marked “Nominations” filled with canceled checks made out to AVN.

Green Bay over Minnesota – 9 cases of Peter North’s cock ring sets.

Baltimore over Cincinnati – 1 folding cot with a sign above it that reads “Home Sweet Home.”

Detroit over Arizona – 7 cases of Peter North’s “The Decorator” rubber ejaculating cock. Appears one was missing from its box.

Chicago over Oakland – Several empty pill boxes labeled “Peter North’s Power Pills.”

Dallas over Giants – 1 windup Rockin’ Rod doll. Laguna Nigel house sold separately.

Indianapolis over San Diego – 700 “Rockin’ Rod” tee shirts.

Seattle over San Francisco – 1 Voodoo doll that has a striking resemblance to Mr. Kerkove that has several pins stuck in its bandana area.

The Adultfyi picks:

Karl The Birdman [92-38]: Carolina, Buffalo, Pitt, KC, Tennessee, GB, Washington, NO, Baltimore, Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, Indy, Seattle

Sean, www.pornlegends.com [87-43]: Carolina, Buff, Pitt, KC, Tenn, GB, Wash, NO, Baltimore, Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, Indy, Seattle

Gene Ross [85-45]: Carolina, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, KC, Tenn, GB, Washington, NO, Baltimore, Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, Indy, Seattle

Dan Davis [81-49]: Carolina, Buffalo, Pitt, KC, Jax, GB, Philly, NO, Cincy, Chicago, NYG, Detroit, Indy, Seattle

Billy the Crystal [80-50]: Carolina, Miami, Pitt, Denver, Tenn, GB, Washington, NO, Cincy, Oakland, Dallas, Detroit, Indy, SF

Mastrick [80-50]: Carolina, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, KC, Tenn, GB, Wash, NO, Baltimore, Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, Indy, Seattle

Mike Dickinson [80-50]: Carolina, Buff, Pitt, Denver, Tenn, GB, Wash, NO, Cincy, Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, Indy, Seattle

Tony Batman [80-50]: Carolina, Miami, Pitt, KC, Tenn, GB, Philly, NO, Baltimore, Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, Indy, Seattle

Tim Case [79-51]: Carolina, Miami, Pitt, KC, Tenn, GB, Wash, NO, Cincy, Chicago, NYGiants, Detroit, SD, Seattle

Jack Spade [79-51]: Carolina, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, KC, Jax, GB, Wash, NO, Cincy, Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, Indy, Seattle

Ryan from Jerry’s Deli [79-51]: Atlanta, Buff, Pittsburgh, KC, Tenn, GB, Philly, NO, Cincy, Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, Indy, Seattle

Steve Seidman [78-52]: Atlanta, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, KC, Jax, GB, Philly, NO, Baltimore, Chicago, NYG, Detroit, Indy, Seattle

John Gray [76-54]: Carolina, Buff, Pitt, KC, Jax, GB, Wash, NO, Baltimore, Chicago, NYG, Detroit, Indy, Seattle

Steve Lane, www.serenity.net [75-55]: Atlanta, Buffalo, Cleveland, KC, Tenn, GB, Wash, NO, Cincy, Oakland, NY Giants, Detroit, SD, Seattle

Sandy Bunz, www.sandybunz.com [71-59]: Carolina, Buffalo, Cleveland, Denver, Tenn, Minnesota, Philly, NO, Cincy, Chicago, NY G, Det, SD, Seattle

Serenity, www.serenity.net [70-60]: Carolina, Miami, Pitt, KC, Tenn, GB, Wash, NO, Balt, Oak, NYG, Arizona, SD, Seattle

Wankus [68-62]: Carolina, Miami, Cleveland, Denver, Jax, Minnesota, Washington, NO, Baltimore, Oakland, Dallas, Arizona, Indy, Seattle

Brian Wallace [61-69]: Carolina, Buffalo, Cleveland, Denver, Jax, GB, Wash, NO, Cincy, Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, Indy, Seattle

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