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Week 3: Joe Paterno Picks the Eagles; Serenity Welcomes a New Addition

Before we even make comments about Joe Paterno and this photo of him flashing the finger, allow us to extend hearty congrats to Serenity and Steve Lane, www,serenity.net for the new addition to their family.

But, Paterno? Ah for cripes sake. Joe Paterno’s been coaching Penn State before there was a state pen. And Paterno’s taking this kind of attitude?

What could you imagine Joe’s reacting to? What do you think is up his Nittany Lions’ ass? News of Marcel Marceau? News that the Eagles were favored over the Lions? Yeah, we can’t believe that one, either. Our thinking is that Donovan McNabb will complete his customary 20 passes for short yardage and the Birds will score 12-15 points on field goals. And giving McNabb one less target to throw to is the fact that tight end L.J. Smith is out with a groin injury.

In a real tough game to call, you got the Bengals playing at Seattle. Cincy coughed up 51 points and 531 yards to Cleveland last week which is like inviting Jack Venice into your bedroom without a condom. Although I know in my heart of hearts the Bengals are going to win, I’ve picked Seattle. Then, again, that’s why I went 7-9 last week.

Dallas at Chicago. The Bears have scored one touchdown this season and that was under unusual circumstances. So with their offense comparable to the Eagles, maybe I should pick Dallas? Man, this picks-thing sucks.

Here’s another game to give you heat rash: San Diego at Green Bay. The Pack has won both of their games but that luck’s about to change, I think. By the way, did you know who owns the NFL’s longest streak at the moment? Would you believe the Packers at 6-0?

Here’s this week’s schedule and then Sean from www.pornlegends.com with his choices.

Sunday: Buffalo at New England; Miami at NY Jets; Detroit at Philadelphia; San Francisco at Pittsburgh; San Diego at Green Bay; Minnesota at Kansas City; St. Louis at Tampa Bay; Arizona at Baltimore; Indianapolis at Houston; Cleveland at Oakland; Cincinnati at Seattle; Jacksonville at Denver; Carolina at Atlanta; NY Giants at Washington; Dallas at Chicago

Monday: Tennessee at New Orleans

Sean sez: I couldn’t tell you if it is inflated with air or stuffed full of feathers [the football, not Larry Craig’s ass], but I’m just lucky I have such knowledgeable friends to help me pick these games. Here are their Week 3 picks.

San Diego over Green Bay – This year’s early contender for the Kid Vegas award, Jack Venice likes the Chargers big in this game.

Kansas City over Minnesota – Saying he can relate to Craig Valentine’s wrestling injury; Jason Sechrest likes the Chiefs in a close game.

Tampa over St. Louis – Speaking of Craig Valentine, he emailed me his pick from his proctologist’s office – &Uek, w2nbm, ttub struh. [He likes the Buccaneers in a blowout, or he may have been talking about his asshole.]

Detroit over Philadelphia – God, DBA Bill Margold, says Jon Kitna’s head is fine and expect the Lions to win by 10 points.

Indianapolis over Houston – Madison Scott said she likes the Colts in an easy win … but I shouldn’t tell her husband.

Jets over Miami – Tom Selleck says he likes the Jets by a field goal and says that he confused Ron Jeremy with Traveling Matt from Fraggle Rock.

Baltimore over Arizona – Asking if I knew a good libel attorney, Brian Surewood said he likes the Ravens by 6.

New England over Buffalo – Skeeter Kerkove likes Patriots by 30. He also tells me that as soon as he can find a girl that can shoot a live chicken out of her ass, he will begin filming his X-rated version of The Beverly Hillbillies.

Pittsburgh over San Francisco – This week’s industry moral crusader, Anita Cannibal, likes the Steelers in this game and hates bad things.

Denver over Jacksonville – Army of one, Greg Sakas likes the Broncos by a field goal.

Seattle over Cincinnati – Madison Scott also told me she really likes the Seahawks in this game. But when I reviewed the video of her pick, she was blinking in Morse code; Take…The…Bengals.

Oakland over Cleveland – The Grand Vizier likes the Raiders by 7 and tells me that Gene Ross has a book deal and has begun writing his memoirs about his years in the industry. This Vizier guy is like money.

Carolina over Atlanta – Jenna Jameson said she is taking the Panthers in this game and said she is thrilled that Florence Henderson is interested in playing her in the movie.

Washington over Giants – Donovan McNabb tells me he really likes the Redskins in this game and that white running backs are unfairly scrutinized in the NFL.

Dallas over Chicago – Rob Spallone likes the Cowboys by 10 in this game and says he never heard of the word “mafia” in his life.

New Orleans over Tennessee – Kurt Lockwood likes the Saints to get their first win this week and tells me all his new Spanish friends have nicknamed him “Cucaracha.”

Here’s the Adultfyi picks:

Karl the Birdman [24-8]: New England, NY Jets, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, Minnesota, Tampa Bay, Baltimore, Indianapolis, Cleveland, Seattle, Denver, Carolina, Washington, Chicago, Tennessee

Sean from www.pornvalleyvixens.com [23-9]: NE, NY J, Det, Pitt, SD, KC, T Bay, Balt, Indy, Oakland, Seattle, Den, Atl, Washington, Dallas, NO

Dan Davis [22-10]: NE, NY J, Detroit, Pitt, SD, Minn, St. L, Balt, Indy, Oak, Cincy, Denver, Carolina, NY G, Chicago, NO

Billy the Crystal [22-10]: NE, Miami, Detroit, Pitt, SD, KC, T Bay, Baltimore, Houston, Cleve, Cincy, Denver, Carolina, Washington, Dallas, Tennessee

Steve Seidman [22-10]: New England, Miami, Detroit, Pitt, SD, Minn, T Bay, Baltimore, Indy, Oakland, Seattle, Denver, Carolina, NY G, Chi, NO

Willie D [22-10]: NE, Miami, Philly, Pitt, SD, Minn, St. L., Balt, Indy, Cleveland, Seattle, Denver, Carolina, Washington, Chicago, NO

John Gray [21-11]: NE, Miami, Philly, Pitt, SD, KC, St. Louis, Baltimore, Indy, Oakland, Seattle, Denver, Carolina, NY G, Chi, NO

Indiana Adam [21-11]: NE, NY J, Philly, Pitt, SD, Minn, T Bay, Balt, Indy, Oakland, Cincy, Denver, Carolina, Washington, Dallas, NO

Tony Batman [21-11]: NE, Miami, Philly, Pitt, SD, Minn, T Bay, Balt, Indy, Oak, Cincy, Denver, Car, NY G, Chicago, New Orleans

Mike Dickinson www.freespeechrevolution.com [20-12]: NE, Miam, Philly, SF, SD. KC, T Bay, Balt, Indy, Clev, Cincy, Den, Car, Wash, Chicago, NO

Sandy Bunz, www.sandybunz.com [20-12]: NE, Miami, Detroit, Pitt, SD, Minn, T Bay, Balt, Houst, Oak, Cincy, Jax, Carolina, Washington, Chi, Tenn

Wankus [19-13]: NE, Miami, Philly, Pitt, GB, Minn, St. L, Balt, Hst, Clev, Cincy, Denver, Carolina, NY G, Chicago, New Orleans

Ryan from Jerry’s Deli [19-13]: NE, Miami, Det, Pitt, SD, Minn. T Bay, Balt, Indy, Cleveland, Seat, Denver, Carolina, Wash, Dallas, Tenn

Jack Spade [19-13]: New England, NY J, Det, Pitt, GB, KC, T Bay, Arizona, Houst, Oak, Seattle, Jax, Atl, Washington, Chicago, Tennessee

Gene Ross [19-13]: New England, NY J, Det, Pitt, SD, Minn, T Bay, Baltimore, Indy, Oak, Seattle, Denver, Carolina, NY G, Chicago, NO

Brian Wallace [18-14]: NE, NY J, Detroit, SF, GB, KC, T Bay, Arizona, Indy, Clev, Cincy, Denver, Car, Wash, Dallas, NO

Steve Lane, www.serenity.net [17-15]: NE, NYJ, Det, Pitt, GB, Minn, T Bay, Arizona, Hst, Cleve, Seattle, Denver, Atl, Washington, Chicago, NO

Serenity, www.serenity.net [17-15]: NE, NY J, Philly, Pitt, GB, KC, T Bay, Baltimore, Houston, Oakland, Seattle, Den, Atlanta, Wash, Chicago, NO

Mastrick [17-15]: NE, NY J, Philly, Pitt, SD, Minn, T Bay, Baltimore, Indy, Clev, Seattle, Denver, Car, Wash, Chicago, Tennessee

Tim Case [16-16]: New England, NY J, Philly, Pitt, Green Bay, KC T Bay, Baltimore, Indy, Oak, Seattle, Denver, Car, Wash, Chicago, New Orleans

Steve Volponi [15-17]: New England, NY J, Phil, Pitt, SD, Minn, T Bay, Baltimore, Indy, Cleve, Cincy, Denver, Atl, NY G, Dallas, Tennessee

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