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A Good Story is Worth Repeating: No Rapture at Exxxotica Miami

Miami Beach – from – According to Harold Camping a crack pot preacher with big ears and an even bigger bank account- $70 million from all the reports – the Rapture arrives at 6pm Saturday.

Camping didn’t say if it was Pacific Time, East Coast Time or Ukranian Central Time. Just 6pm. Which sounds kinda vague considering that all his other Dooms Day calculations are of the type that put men on the moon.

Camping has been taking the suckers for a long ride with his predictions, and you can see how a Shelley Lubben or a XXX Church make out in this economy.

There’s always someone willing to join a religion. Just as there’s always someone ready to attend a porn Expo.

We spoke to James Bartholet [pictured] who’s at Exxotica Miami this weekend, assuming of course it goes past Saturday.

Bartholet has been a mainstream actor and gossip reporter but for reasons perhaps known only to him, he decided to cross over into porn. He does a weekly radio talk show, owns a PR company and is now performing sex on camera.

At the time I spoke to Bartholet, the show was just opening.

“So it’s a little slow,” he was saying. “It’ll pick up.”

As we speak, some fans approach Bartholet and tell him how they love his movies.

“Well buy some,” he urges them. On second thought maybe they don’t like them as much as they say and move on telling Bartholet they’re just looking around.

“It’s not like you’re buying a car, honey,” Bartholet tells them. “It’s porn.”

“You gotta buy a movie,” Bartholet tells another fan who’s making a reach for the candy jar.

Which has been the problem. No one’s buying movies. Which makes the whole idea of these Expos kinda comical and absurd because fans have figured a way to download the stuff on the sneak for free. Which you can’t blame them for doing because porn carries outrageous retail prices. Take a walk through Fry’s to see what I’m talking about.

Still, the Bartholets of porn consider these shows to be an important part of keeping their presence in the world known.

“It’s all about exposure for all of us,” Bartholet says.

“They meet us in person and probably think we’re pretty cool. So they’re 75 to 80 percent more likely to go and buy one of our movies or rent them because they met us. That’s the main purpose of this whole thing. We’re expecting very good numbers.”

“When I showed up today [meaning Friday], there was a fan outside,” continues Bartholet.

“This is a middle aged guy with a pot belly on him, nice guy. He goes, ‘I’m a huge fan of yours. I got all your movies. I want to get the new ones. I heard you were going to be here. I look up to you and admire you. When I watch you doing a scene I can picture myself being with these girls now because I couldn’t picture myself as some guy with washboard abs.’”

Maybe that’s been the successful formula all along and porn’s just ignored it. Ron Jeremy has been eternally popular. Ed Powers has made bank. Dave Cummings is recognized in churches. Old guys worship Bartholet, but the pretty boys chase the customers away. It’s entirely possible.

To illustrate, Bartholet says when the porn crowd arrived at the airport Thursday noon [they were all on the same flight], it took everyone an hour and a half to get from the gate to the baggage claim because fans mobbed Jeremy and wanted their picture with him.

“Some old lady pulls out her tit and goes sign this! He’s just mobbed by people of all ages. People just love Ronnie.”

Bartholet later went skinny dipping with one of the porn chicks.

“You can go topless here on some of the beaches,” he notes. I told Bartholet there might be a law against him showing his top.

“Sophie Dee was out there with those bosoms of hers,” Bartholet continues, ignoring my jibe.

Bartholet puts Chastity Lynn on the line, and I ask her if I have permission to relieve myself as we’re talking.

“That’s encouraged,” she laughs. “You don’t have to have my permission.”

Bartholet wants to know if he should bring back a Miami T-shirt for me.

“I can’t have it competing with my Maui and Honolulu T-shirts,” I tell him.

I ask Bartholet if he ever thought he was going to become a role model.

“For middle aged guys? Older guys? Sure,” he replies.

Bartholet mentions that Randy Spears has retired, but I don’t think Bartholet’s suggesting that he’s going to corner the Spears market. Spears has evidently gotten some mainstream voiceover gigs.

“He does a cartoon show called American Dad,” Bartholet informs me. “He’s got a great voice. I love that man.”

Bartholet’s brought his whole Galaxy retinue with him like Sunny Lane, Jenna Presley, Sophie Dee, Daisy Marie and Adrenalynn.

“We’re picking up a couple of new clients while we’re down here,” he adds.

“There’s a lot of local press here doing stories, so it’s really good.”

Because the prices for food and drink at the convention are exorbitant, Bartholet and Sunny Lane went shopping for supplies.

“We’re all getting our sleep and drinking water,” says Bartholet as if malaria and Jungle Fever are possibilities.

“It’s almost a hundred degrees and super humidity out there, but the fans were lining up in the heat to come in here,” he adds.

“Hopefully they’ll be opening there wallets and spending some money.”


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