Porn News

A Good Story is Worth Repeating: When All Else Fails, Hook

from – Like Lassie, Annie Cruz is coming home. Home being the adult business, that is. With Cruz’s decision to return, we’re eternally amused by those press releases announcing porn chick retirements, then those follow-up press releases suggesting, but not outright telling you, to ignore the last press release about the retirement because, she’s baaaaaaack!!!

We don’t recall Annie ever making a big au revoir announcement. We believe she just kinda faded from the scene into the ether of the mainstream where our information is Annie pursued other career interests including amateur boxing, web designing, maintaining multiple web sites, and was a member of the WEW. Between boxing, wrestling and web design, it sounds like Annie enjoys fighting.

But the call of the adult industry was too strong, Annie’s press announcement, out this week, goes on to say.

“I needed to take this time off, to pursue other interests, but I’m ready to jump back in, and shoot some really hot scenes,” says Cruz.

Those bright eyed and bushy tailed comments probably necessitate a time out. Or perhaps an intervention.

Coming back to what, exactly, we ask? The industry, as a whole, is hurting to pay its bills, is overpopulated with performers cutting their rates like a sale at Target, and there isn’t enough work to keep everyone out of the alleyways of Los Angeles where the twilight action’s going on.

Not that we’re saying or suggesting that Annie plies the trade. Goodness knows, she’s seen the raw darkness of the void and is as sexually psychotic as they come. And that’s what we liked about Annie.

Run into the former Mrs. Jack Lawrence on a random porn shoot and she’s likely to have some insane story about six French sailors on a tugboat or dead midgets in an embalming room in San Francisco. Crazy, impromptu shit like that is what Annie’s known for. Making appointments doesn’t sound like this gal’s cup of tea.

As you might expect, Ms. Cruz has an active press itinerary lined up this week, like an appearance on Playboy’s Night Calls and a store signing to coincide with her comeback announcement. We wish Annie well, although you know our secret agenda was to get on to the subject of hooking.

Ask a porn chick if she does “privates” or whatever the euphemism is these days for hooking, and stern rebuke is the least of your worries. Porn chicks look at hookers like hookers look at porn chicks – as though there’s several rungs of class distinction between them. But, honestly, the only difference we can determine is the presence of a video camera. Porn girls rationalize sex-for-pay as some kind of performance art, whereas a hooker wouldn’t be caught dead in front of a camera. Then there are the exceptions. Like Malibu Barbie.

We thought of Malibu Barbie this week as we were having a catch-up chat with Luke Ford. Luke asked if porn deflation rates were extending to outcall. He seemed very surprised that we didn’t have an answer. And we wouldn’t because the last time we saw a hooker with any regularity, was the time Barbie requested anal sex under very strange sets of circumstances.

Barbie advertised herself as a “swimming suit model”, meaning she’d come over to your house and put on bikinis for you while you mentally conjured up all the girls at the swim club you never had carnal knowledge of.

Which is to say, you could look, but if touching were involved, a guy named Bruno was waiting outside in a car with a tire iron.

If you’re a participant in the escort game for any length of time, it can get pretty repetitive. So Barbie was offering a novel marketing approach, and in the back of your mind you’re wondering will she cross the line into forbidden territory? And can you be the one to talk her into it?

Barbie’s rates were surprisingly cheap enough to consider making this an ongoing lab experiment. So the first session with Barbie was a prim and proper bible school picnic but with bikinis and baby oil.

Barbie’s 5’6″ blonde body was loaded with beach tan and astonishing symmetry, plus she had lady tennis pro legs to boot. Barbie modeled. We chatted. Barbie modeled some more, we chatted some more. At session’s end, Barbie’s asked if she might want to shoot a “glamour” video the next time she’s over.

No problem, she says. A significant break-through where hookers are concerned because a thing like this never happens. Consequenttly, the follow-up visit is a scene out of a Buttman movie. Off comes the bathing suit and out comes a finger. Our finger. It goes deep in her ass as Barbie assumes the doggie position on the living room couch. She moans a lot and says how much she’s enjoying this. But this could be a tease, a come-on.

While this sounds like it all happened in a split second, there was a lot more finesse involved in getting from Point A, Barbie being dressed, to Point B, our finger in her ass, thus leaving questions at the end of our hour to be answered by at least one more visit from her.

An answer came quicker than imagined. Near midnight the following Sunday, Barbie calls. She explains that she’s very horny, but this time she wants to be the home team. Her inducement for getting us out of the house at such a late hour? She wants to be fucked in the ass. Okay.

Ordinarily a beautiful girl living in a warehouse in Van Nuys might raise a few questions, and the thought did occur. A couple more thoughts occurred when said house turned out to be a movie studio with a couple of klieg lights thrown in for good measure.

Another thought occurred – that all of this was being recorded by a hidden camera behind a one-way mirror. Barbie got naked and assumed the doggie position on a red circular bed. It’s situations like this where you can truly appreciate the skills of the male porn performer.

Here was one of the most beautiful anuses I’ve ever had the privilege to breach. Or been invited to breach.

But this was also one of those situations where failure’s not an option, though it’s always good to have an excuse ready just in case your dick goes flat at a crucial moment on life’s highway.

It’s late, we have to get up early, Barbie’s lamely told. We’re too embarrassed to ever call her again. She never calls us.

And we never saw her in a porn movie which is where Barbie truly belonged.


Related Posts

Logo Assessment: A Look at the Traits of Recognizable Logos

Creating a captivating logo is much like composing an orchestral masterpiece where the brand’s visual voice resonates as the leading instrument. In this intricate symphony of design, every single note — every color you choose, every unique character, every deliberate…

‘Feed Me’ All Night Long: Ricky Greenwood, Adult Time Go Al Dente

Star Lulu Chu describes "Feed Me" as as “'Teeth' meets 'Jennifer’s Body' meets 'It Follows.'”

Playboy Spirits Launches ‘Play Hard’ Vodka Seltzer

CHICAGO — Playboy Spirits, a joint venture between Spirits Investment Partners (SIP) and PLBY Group, has launched its new premium line of vodka seltzers, Play Hard. Play Hard is a “Ready to Drink” (RTD) category beverage with a focus “on…

DINGFOO Debuts New Suspension Ball

HONG KONG — Chinese pleasure brand DINGFOO has debuted its new Suspension Ball. "This sex toy utilizes suspended vibration technology, which offers significant advantages over traditional products on the market," said a rep. The Suspension Ball features three speeds and…

Motley Models, Ryan Kona Part Ways

Motley Models and its corporate entity, Twice Baked Media, Inc., on Friday announced it has parted ways with veteran talent agent Ryan Kona.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.