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Adult Cyber Mart Sneak Peak: Jane Krakowski is Celebrity Babe of the Week

The eternal debate wages as to who’s hotter: Jane Krakowski as the randy Elaine in Ally McBeal, or the Jane Krakowski as the very randy Jenna in 30 Rock.

Didn’t matter to the Screen Actors Guild because the very versatile MILF actress/singer/dancer/comedienne Jane Krakowski, going on a luscious 43 this year, won awards for both portrayals.

Name a theater award and Jane has probably won it, from Emmys to Tonys, although the Oscar has eluded her. Possibly because Jane’s agents insist on casting her for such prestigious fare as Fatal Attraction, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (where she played Betty Rubble), Alfie, Go, Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant; Stepping Out, Pretty Persuasion, Kit Kittredge: An American Girl, and Mom at Sixteen.

Born October 11 under the sign of slutty Libra, Jane shares a birthday with crime novelist Elmore Leonard, buck-toothed First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt and 57 varieties magnate Henry John Heinz. Which means that you’ll often find Jane picking ketchup-soaked french fries out of her front teeth while pouring through the latest mystery thriller. Then, again, we could be wrong.

Being the fact that Jane is a Libra and that we’ve dated many women under that sign, may we draw some untoward generalizations that may not even apply to the Parsippany, NJ-born Jane.

[Lest you make jokes about its funny name, Parsippany has been ranked 13th by Money magazine as the best place to live in the United States. You may not remember this, either, but Parsippany was once connected to Africa before the continental drift. But this was 450 million years ago, though the slave trade never actually extended to Parsippany. Then, again, imagine having Jane in a loin cloth calling you massah, doing your bidding and bearing your illegitimate plantation children.]

As for the Libra-influenced Jane, you probably could get her to go skinny dipping knowing that she gives great spontaneous handjobs in the front seat of cheap automobiles and that you can sweet talk her into anal sex though she might accidentally go to the bathroom on your pee-pee.

Again, we emphasize how these traits may not apply to all Libra women, but we could be wrong. However, being a Polack chick- her family actually comes from Krakow – Jane undoubtedly has great legs and nice feet, both of which we could pass the time of day playing games of shoe salesman and tickle toes with.

And if your knowledge about movies takes you back far enough, you may remember Jane making her break through as the pig raising, pot-smoking, worm farm-tending, french-kissing [“Daddy says I’m the best at it”] cousin Vicki in National Lampoon’s Vacation.

You’re right. All we remember from thatmovie is the ultra hot Christie Brinkley, praying to God that we could have seen her naked in the swimming pool scene.

But since there was no Rapture this past weekend, we’ve switched to Satanism hoping there will be a sequel to reward our patience.

In an astute career move, Jane whose last name is really Krajkowski, dropped the “j” and began doing standup comedy in various Chicago Kielbasa Clubs telling Polish jokes. Although we cannot verify this particularly piece of bio information, we’re relating it anyway since it makes for a good anecdote.

Jane’s early career also includes a number of different stints on various TV soap operas, but the role of the wiseacre office slut seems to be her natural calling.

If you’ve found your hands touching your genitalia inappropriately during such moments when Jane is on the screen, that was probably the intent.

Catch up on all the past Celebrity Babes of the Week at


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